Another eyes view (and this is intended as constructive assistance since you asked what you can do - you might want to ask around about this because I do offer that kind of input when asked and if you don't want that then just ignore what I have to say!)
For me personally: The black cloth holding up the pen is a distraction (it is hiding the clip to some extent - and by hiding I mean it makes it less distinct, you sort of have to "look for it since it doesn't jump out with the rest of the pen.)
I agree with the comments regarding depth of field. Top of photo - ditto to above stated comments. Also you have a major glare coming off the top of the pen - so much so that it actually hurts my eyes (I get severe migraines so things like this stand out to me.)
Finally, shake off your cloth (or dust off your bottom glass/paper etc.) There are bits of dust, lint and even a small hair in the front of the photo. What this says to me when I am a prospective customer looking to buy a pen is that there is a lack of attention to detail - does that same lack of attention to detail go into the making of pens????
From the look of that beautiful pen I would say not - and you want the photo to sell the pen, not distract from it. It only needs a LITTLE bit of tweaking.
Fantastic pen, beautiful blank - I love the name and the look with the kit you did a great job with it !!!
Linda