Wow it is expensive!!!!!!

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jttheclockman

jttheclockman

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Joined
Feb 22, 2005
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NJ, USA.
My Mom is finally coming home tomorrow and thanks for all the prayers and well wishes. For the pain and suffering she went through she now faces another type of pain. We are looking into getting some aide and assistance to stay with her for a good part of the day and at night the family members will be able to take over. Being everyone works during the day it will need to be this way. I just started looking into agencies and they are expensive by the hour. A live-in is out of the question as well as nursing homes or assisted living homes. Man this is what it all comes down to. You work your entire life and when it is time to need help all your savings goes to pay for this. It just does not seem fair but we will do what is best for her.

I have to get myself in better shape so when it is my time I don't need this because I won't be able to afford it.
 
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John, you are absolutely right. I just went through this with my parents which are now in a nursing home. The trick is to have everything in place 7yrs prior to this point. Then they don't lose their house and everything they own to move into a nursing home, like my parents did. They were pretty bitter about it but what do you do?
 
John, know what you mean. My mother used all her inheritance for nursing home expenses until her death. Now my mother-in-law lives with us for 5 years now. She has to have 24/7 care (strokes) so my wife now does not work (lost income) and is her caregiver.
She has money for her expenses, so not a drain on us. We house her, care for her, and still can't get a tax deduction for doing this.
At least you are caring for loved ones, some out there don't have caregivers and are in the system.
 
Glad to hear your Mom is coming home. One thing you might look into is seeing if your church, or in in your area has people that might stay during the day. My Mother in Law passed away last year, but for about 6 months lived at home, and had someone stay with her at nights. We found people through her church, and a church of some friends. The cost was less than half what we'd have paid an agency. It just depends on the level of care your mother needs.
 
PLEASE.. Do not take this into politics spaces.

FYI - a discussion on how much the government should or should not be in our lives is a political commentary (as different parties have different views on this).
 
Living longer

Unfortunately the good side of living longer, comes with a down side. More expences at or near the end of life.

My father died in 1961 when he was around the age I am now ... he died at home, he was on no medicatation to prolong his life and he didn't even get sent to the hospital. It also didn't cost the family anything to speak of. Today he would probably have, been on at least a couple of medications, lived several years longer and even with medicare it would have cost a small fortune.
 
Keeping this non political, JT your so right, Mom is 85 and Dad is 89, both now are living in a Condo in Florida, Dad is getting to the stage of dementia that we had to take his car away and are thinking of a GPS phone on him (if he will remember to take it )when he walks the dog or goes for a walk. Mom is no help as she just thinks he's forgetful and sees nothing wrong when he just sits and looks lost and can't join in conversations. We flew down in January and spoke with his doctors and were told he has server dementia and needs to have 24 hr care (someone to make sure he takes his meds, etc and Mom really isn't much help. We looked into home care and it was so far out of our financial situation as being laughable...Yes we need to do something for the elderly buy what?
 
I have had the pleasure to know all four of my Grandparents. One died of cancer throughout the body, mainly liver. Once died of Alzheimer's. One went into the hospital to have a pace maker put in and died suddenly and without pain. My last remaining Grandparent is 99 in a nursing home with little quality of life and doesn't understand why she is still around.

I have experienced four different ways of the final days of passing of four people who lived full lives. I don't think I have to tell you which of my grandparent I want to be like.

My Grandmother who is 99 has been in the same nursing home for seven years now. The monthly bill is just shy of 10k. She has a wealthy son that wants her in the best place, even though she does not get the best care. We won't open that can of worms.
 
seldom do...

IPD_Mr said:
I have had the pleasure to know all four of my Grandparents. One died of cancer throughout the body, mainly liver. Once died of Alzheimer's. One went into the hospital to have a pace maker put in and died suddenly and without pain. My last remaining Grandparent is 99 in a nursing home with little quality of life and doesn't understand why she is still around.

I have experienced four different ways of the final days of passing of four people who lived full lives. I don't think I have to tell you which of my grandparent I want to be like.

My Grandmother who is 99 has been in the same nursing home for seven years now. The monthly bill is just shy of 10k. She has a wealthy son that wants her in the best place, even though she does not get the best care. We won't open that can of worms.
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I think that Nursing Home care is too often sub-standard. Having visited any number of friends and relatives in them, I've really seen only one that I would ever want to be in.

Someone once said that folks would be better off to rent a room long term at a Holiday Inn, have room service provide all meals. Take a taxi when ever we had to go anywhere and have a caregiver drop in every day .... It would still be cheaper than most nursing homes.
 
As a nurse and Case manager for the elderly I know of several ways that you might look. If there is a community college in your area you could post a notice there for help. Many nursing students earn money and experience this way. All of the nursing students that I have worked with have provided great care. A case manager helps with medication management, MD appointments and other things that help keep people in their homes rather then in SNFs. They also help you find reputable caregivers. It is a good reason to think about Long Term Care Insurance for later in life if you are not over 65 years of age.
 
it is sad to think about it, my grandmother suffers from altimers (spelling?) and my parents care for her, the crash on the economy made it impossible to sell her house to help pay for anything so my parents are paying for her insurance, meds, doctors bills, mortgage, and day to day expenses. As her health worsens, we have looked in to an assisted living home for the future and were suprised to find out that if you can not afford the almost 3k a month they can take her house as payment or if you sold her house they can go back 5 years for the money! sad to think, i will probobly have to work till i die.... Glad to hear she is doing better, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers JT keep your head up!
 
I had the unfortunate find about 2 years ago of finding my mother almost dead when myself and the wife went for a visit, rushed her to the hospital and after 2 months she was well enough to go for rehab. Long story short I had to put her in a nursing home about 90 miles from her home because it was a lot closer for my 2 brothers to check on her. The place where we put her is realy good and does take good care of her. We werre lucky and Mom had put the house in our names after Dad died 16 years ago, but my brothers put in to sell because they didn't want to keep up the house. After months of fighting with them myself and my wife decided to buy them out so Mom would never say she didn't have a home to go to if she was ever able to return( she will never ). we have incured a lot of expenses and have to keep up the house insurance electric water and taxes.These things puts a strain on familys and I pray that you and your family are strong and can over come the obsticales....... God bless................
 
Fat Boy said:
it is sad to think about it, my grandmother suffers from altimers (spelling?) and my parents care for her, the crash on the economy made it impossible to sell her house to help pay for anything so my parents are paying for her insurance, meds, doctors bills, mortgage, and day to day expenses. As her health worsens, we have looked in to an assisted living home for the future and were suprised to find out that if you can not afford the almost 3k a month they can take her house as payment or if you sold her house they can go back 5 years for the money! sad to think, i will probobly have to work till i die.... Glad to hear she is doing better, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers JT keep your head up!
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OLDMAN5050 said:
I had the unfortunate find about 2 years ago of finding my mother almost dead when myself and the wife went for a visit, rushed her to the hospital and after 2 months she was well enough to go for rehab. Long story short I had to put her in a nursing home about 90 miles from her home because it was a lot closer for my 2 brothers to check on her. The place where we put her is realy good and does take good care of her. We werre lucky and Mom had put the house in our names after Dad died 16 years ago, but my brothers put in to sell because they didn't want to keep up the house. After months of fighting with them myself and my wife decided to buy them out so Mom would never say she didn't have a home to go to if she was ever able to return( she will never ). we have incured a lot of expenses and have to keep up the house insurance electric water and taxes.These things puts a strain on familys and I pray that you and your family are strong and can over come the obsticales....... God bless................
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We are continuing to look for answers and right now I do not know how we are going to pay for this aide. The house is the only thing my MOM has and I would hate to have to sell for this reason. My Dad who passed away 5 years ago would be killing me right now for even thinking it. I may have been too late to make any name changes. My stomach has been in knots since the day of this accident because I realized the time has come and I was not prepared again. I should have learned from the experience with my Dad but no.

I just don't know how people do this. I talked to many others in the facility as I visited my Mom and stayed with her many many hours each day. They too were asking the very same questions. I believe my Mom can and will live for many more years to come so this is something that will continue to grow. We will figure it out.

Thanks again for the well wishes.
 
One thing to keep in mind is that someone has to make a living at caring for the dying. $50k a year isn't much as far as salary goes. But considering the people who need to pay for it are making that (or less, or more) how do we afford it?

My wife's grandmother did live-in care for the elderly until she was 75 when she got colon cancer and died shortly after. She made $160 a day for most of her jobs. Considering she's there darn near 24 hours a day, that's pretty close to minimum wage.

Nursing homes can be pretty inexpensive if the care needs are minimal. And there are some that if you move in early at a low rate, when your care needs go up the price doesn't. The above mentioned grandmother was slated to go into one of those but didn't last long enough.

It was $700 a month for a studio apartment while her needs were low. As she got further along, she would be moved into more hospital-ish facilities on the same property but for the same rent.

I've often joked that when I get to the point where I couldn't wipe my own butt or feed myself, I wanted someone to call Dr. Kevorkian. My wife would be, of course, horrified. But I wonder...
 
The house is the only thing my MOM has and I would hate to have to sell for this reason. My Dad who passed away 5 years ago would be killing me right now for even thinking it. I may have been too late to make any name changes. My stomach has been in knots since the day of this accident because I realized the time has come and I was not prepared again. I should have learned from the experience with my Dad but no.
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I am sure your dad would understand if thats what it came to, the way you have to look at it is no materialistic items mean as much as yours or your mothers health. No matter what it takes to get her the care she needs its worth it. No one would ever fault you for that! As hard as it may be, a house or any other possesions can be replaced, you only get one mother, so cherish every day with her and make her as comfortable as you can.
 
Fat Boy said:
The house is the only thing my MOM has and I would hate to have to sell for this reason. My Dad who passed away 5 years ago would be killing me right now for even thinking it. I may have been too late to make any name changes. My stomach has been in knots since the day of this accident because I realized the time has come and I was not prepared again. I should have learned from the experience with my Dad but no.
Click to expand...

I am sure your dad would understand if thats what it came to, the way you have to look at it is no materialistic items mean as much as yours or your mothers health. No matter what it takes to get her the care she needs its worth it. No one would ever fault you for that! As hard as it may be, a house or any other possesions can be replaced, you only get one mother, so cherish every day with her and make her as comfortable as you can.
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And this my friend is what I intend to do. I just hope I can do it with the dignity she deserves.
 
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