Why am I the Bad Guy? Rant

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Scratch

Scratch

Member
Joined
May 17, 2010
Messages
177
Location
Lakeland, Fl
I've had custody of my Youngest Son for four yrs now.
Ex Wife is a Druggie and a Thief.
Not once have I asked for a dime from my Ex Wife even though
She was ordered to pay me $400.00 a month in Child Support,
I never pressed it. Trying to be better than her I guess because I got a little behind once and she had my Driver's license suspended. (I'm a Truck Driver by trade) Now fast forward 4 yrs, My Son will be 18 next Tues. I was cut back to 20-30 hrs a week due to the economy. My Wife and I am in danger of losing our house, So I filed for wage garnishment. I am now the most despicable A-hole to ever walk the earth!! She's calling my Son telling him I'm having her put in jail(again) blah, blah, blah. My Son is believing everything she tells him and is po-ed at me. All I want is her to pay SOMETHING!!! I know she can't afford the whole 400 a month just pay something!!! But no!!!! She lives at home with Mommy, Goes out drinking and partying but I'm an ****** for asking for help!!!!! Sorry to go on but I'm pizzed!!! If I were that far behind I would be under the Jail.
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. Need to turn some major pens to let off some steam.
 
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Well, tell your son what you've told us here. No bad mouthing, just the facts. He's 18 years old now and basically an adult. Don't know how much he's been around his mother, but, he'll one day come to the realization that you're the good guy. That may take a while....just keep the lines of communication open with your son.

He'll thank you one day for all that you've done for him.



Barney
 
I went thru close to the same thing for awhile and then found out the ex had been claiming the kids for welfare and AFDC. I got a check from the state and she got REALLY mad. Good luck and have faith that your son will understand in a few years.
 
A quick update from yesterday. My Wife explained to my Son why I filed
against his Mother. She gets through to him better than I can. He understands
now why I did what I did. He thinks I'm mad at him now and I guess I am a little for believing his Mother and her rants and BS. Maybe one day he'll se
all the sacrificing I've done so he would have a better life and a decent Sr. year
of HS. Thanks again for listening or reading. lol
 
Having been where you are at one time I think the only advice I can give is you son will understand in the years to come. Something about having his own family will strike the light on. Dont force it or try to explain too much it will come. My Daughter is 28 has her own child who is 5 and has seen the light. She is spending way too much time trying to make up for the way she treated me for no reason because of what her mother said. Just tell him to try to always see both sides it makes it easier to make the right decisions.
 
Things like this are also a good "teaching moment" to explain how important it is for your kids to make sure that they don't accidentally have kids with the wrong person and how important it is to choose the right person to marry and have kids with.

While I have never had your specific problem, I have seen it happen to others and know how difficult it is. Just make sure you bite your tongue about her when he's around and let him figure out what a scumbag she is, for himself. He will be better off for it and will respect you for it greatly when he's old enough to fully understand.

Hang in there and good luck!
 
I may be way off base here, but since you have had custody, many things have happened during the years. You had to be both mon and dad. Praiser and disciplinarian. You had to do things whether your son liked it or not. Decisions, decisions.
The unfortunate thing about us humans, is that it is way too easy to recall negative things that happen in our lives. Then again, look how much energy it takes to recall positive things that have happened during that same time span. It just ain't right. It seems to be backwards here, right?
Well, what may be going on is that because of the discipline that you had to use at times, is being recalled by your son. He is using that as amunition. Mom hasn't been around, so she never had to do any of the disciplining. I am sure when your son visited with his mom, she pointed out all the bad things you are doing, thus giving your son all the amunition he needs to be mad at you for what you need to do at this point. Even at 18, I'm sure you have hidden many things in order to protect him from her evils. That has been your job. He just can't see that because she never contributed.
I'm sorry to say that if she was made to pay all along, his feelings may be different at this point.
Needless to say, he will absolutely find out her true nature. I just hope he doesn't learn her behavior and cop-outs. Keep on insisting and demnd he make right choices. If she continues to live with her mom, and lays on the couch all day not be held responsible for anything, can you imagine the lessons he could learn from that? His future will suck.
Keep pushing him in the right direction. It is obvious you have a plan. Be positive. Show him that we as parents want more for our children than we ever had. Even if we have a lot, we want our kids to have more. Learn more. Live more. Experience more.
I wish you God Speed my friend. As a father of 3, with them having a non-participating mother, the hill only gets steeper. I know you are proud of your son. I know on that little league field you had that big smile when he was up at the plate. The day WILL come when you can puff out your chest and say, "Yes, that is MY boy."
 
Try to be above it. You have something more important and that is your son and you have shown him the correct path. I do not think he is sooooooo dumb that he could not see what you have done for him if he were to go live with her.
Christ be with you.
John
 
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