jcm71
Member
I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for next Tuesday.
What this site needs are Dad jokes
- Thread starter jcm71
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jcm71
Member
And another. I got an email the other day explaining how to read maps backwards. It was spam.
KMCloonan
Member
I'll play...
My girlfriend keeps accusing me of cheating. She's starting to sound like my wife
My girlfriend keeps accusing me of cheating. She's starting to sound like my wife
KMCloonan
Member
When does a joke become a "dad joke?" When it becomes apparent
thewishman
Member
What's blue and not very heavy?
Light blue.
Light blue.
hewunch
Member
What's brown, smelly, and sounds like a bell?
dung
dung
walshjp17
Member
If more than one mouse is mice and more than on louse is lice then more than on spouse must be spice.
hewunch
Member
Well, for some of us, it will be our last chance at a smoking hot body.
I told my wife to put popcorn kernels in my pockets before they cremate me. Should be a blast.
Brandy
Member
A recent exchange with my dad….
Alan Morrison
Member
My brother's new girlfriend identifies as a wheelie bin.
He can't remember if he takes her out on Tuesday or Wednesday!
I am a comedian.
My preferred pronouns are He He.
He can't remember if he takes her out on Tuesday or Wednesday!
I am a comedian.
My preferred pronouns are He He.
Ray-CA
Member
Our son had been a father for about 6-months when he called with this one. If you're having natural childbirth at at home, and there's a problem with the delivery, is that a mid-wife crisis?
I told him that he hadn't been a dad long enough for that joke.
I told him that he hadn't been a dad long enough for that joke.
Monty
Group Buy Coordinator
Where do dads keep their dad jokes?
And their dada file
And their dada file
hooked
Member
I started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes.
.......
I'm just raisin awareness.
.......
I'm just raisin awareness.
howsitwork
Member
My wife says I have two fault
I never listen to her … and something else…
I never listen to her … and something else…
howsitwork
Member
Always treat your wife like you did on your first date !
So tomorrow , after dinner , I'm taking her straight back to my mother-in-laws
So tomorrow , after dinner , I'm taking her straight back to my mother-in-laws
Woodchipper
Member
Five years ago, I took my wife to Las Vegas for our anniversary. I'm thinking about going back and getting her.
Ray-CA
Member
I got a new pet for Christmas. A small termite whose first name is Clint. His last name is Eatswood.
jcm71
Member
My college roommate was kidnapped by a gang of mimes. They did unspeakable things to him.
KMCloonan
Member
What happened when the red ship crashed into the blue ship?
They were marooned.
They were marooned.
KMCloonan
Member
howsitwork
Member
7 out of 5 men can't do fractions !
KMCloonan
Member
There are three kinds of people in this world. Those that are good with math, and those that are not.
Thank you, Thank you. I'm here 'till Thursday. Don't forget to tip your waitress...
Thank you, Thank you. I'm here 'till Thursday. Don't forget to tip your waitress...
Ray-CA
Member
That's like this one. 5 out of 3 people are bad with fractions.
Todd in PA
Member
With a small edit, I tell this same joke regularly at my poker game.
Love all the jokes, guys!
Proctologist goes to the bank to deposit a check. The teller notices that he is trying to endorse it with a thermometer. The teller says to the doctor, "doctor you can't sign a check with a thermometer. The doctor says, "oh crap some a-hole has my pen!"
Old Goat
Member
Chuck Norris once fought with his wife ... and won!
howsitwork
Member
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb ?
Only one , but the light bulb has to really , really want to change
Only one , but the light bulb has to really , really want to change
howsitwork
Member
Whilst taking it out of the garage yesterday I told my son, this is my step ladder , I never knew my real ladder…. It got a briefly sympathetic look . Best I can hope for these days
WriteON
Member
I got a pool table for my wife..............best trade I ever made
Jans husband
Member
Kenny Durrant
Member
My wife would be a much better cook if she wouldn't use the smoke alarm for a timer.
TellicoTurning
Member
I'm such a good cook, my smoke alarm cheers me on.
egnald
Member
Ok - that made me laugh out loud. - Dave