The first 10 years

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edicehouse

edicehouse

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Today marks the first 10 years of Kelly and I being married. I have learned a few things.

1. If you have to "work" at a marriage it is not a real marriage. It shocks me how through the years I heard people say that you have to work at a marriage to make it work....
2. You have to disagree about things once and a while. If you agree on everything, you end up with nothing to talk about. Literally at times I think we "pick an argument" with each other.
3. No argument/disagreement should be more than 10 minutes long. If you are in a serious argument and not playing, just drop it and forget it.
4. Put your kids first, spouse second, and yourself somewhere after that. As long as you and your other think of your kids first, there is not problems there.
5. Be true to the person you are, that way you will not have resentment because they "tried changing you" If you enjoy watching football, watch football.
6. Ask each other "permission." This is something that is commonly argued about (especially by single/divorced people). Once and a while my wife will want to go to the outlet malls with her parents, so she asks if I mind if she goes. She knows I am going to say go ahead. When I want to go fishing it is usually until real late at night before I get home (or early next morning). I ask her if she minds if I go fishing, and I know she is going to say go ahead.

So those with less time married, thinking about it, those are my pointers.
 
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Those are all good points.......but... #1... i feel you have to work on a marriage and points #2-6 is just a start on how you work on a marriage and i am sure you have many more on your list ..... the 23 of nov. will be 40 years for me and my lovely wife
 
2-6 sound like work to me.

Billy Graham once said "The secret to a good marriage is two good forgivers". I think that is right on the money. No one is perfect. If you can forgive those little things it makes everything smoother. If you can't than everything turns into hurt feelings and arguments.

One thing I would add, don't walk away from an argument when the 10 minute timer goes off. Instead take a timeout from it, gather your thoughts and return to it when you are ready to talk it out and not yell it out. Only 8 years here but many lessons learned along the way.

Congrats on 10 and here's to many many more.
 
edicehouse said:
Okay you all are using #2-#6 as "work" now what part of making a pen is "work" all of it is, but not really work...
Click to expand...


It's all in perception. Your first pen was work. Maybe your second and third too but after that you begin to develop a process that works for you and suddenly you don't see the work because you enjoy it and it has begun to come natural to you. Someone on the outside looking in having never turned a pen or only a few still sees the work that you have long become accustomed to and now enjoy.

I love my marriage and it comes a lot easier than it did 6-7 years ago. It was work and still is but everyday the process is refined just a little bit to make it a smoother unity between a man and woman that love each other dearly.
 
Congrats on the big 10 and may you have many more wonderful years together. All very good points.
It amazes some people, even our parents, that we ask each other "permission". Not a day goes by that either or both of us ask "do you mind if I....?" Well, I know better than not to ask.....:rolleyes:
 
I agree on parts 2-6 for the most part. Forgiveness is essential. Understanding the other person's feelings, needs.

Remember, that 2 personalities come together and a 3rd one comes from that. You, her, and the needs of both of you and the personality that emanates from that union. Thats where the "Work" part comes in. IMHO you are saying, without writing the words, that indeed you have been working together, to keep the both of you together.

My congrats to you and your spouse on 10 years together. My wife and I will celebrate our 49th together. Yes we both "work" at it, but it hasn't been drudgery or have we considered it a job to have done so.

I could go on, but it would only bore. Sorry to go on and on.

Russ
 
Congrats! We made 25 this year and this is where I usually put in my joke about being happily married for 10 years also...1988, 1991, 1993 etc, but looking back, every one of them had something special.

Our only rule is that there are no rules that fit every situation, be flexible and remember you are each others' "most important".
 
#5--I once heard it put this way: "(Man's name), you are expecting her to stay the same...she won't! (woman's name), you are expecting him to change....he won't!"

Congrats on 10 years! My 10th is coming up at the end of December and I have learned many of those same lessons.
 
congratulations on 10 years of marriage and having the conscience to consider these realities. Many marriages don't last that long these days.
34 years of marriage and we "work" at It daily, if you don't, it becomes stale...or worse, then the real work begins to repair damages.
#4, put your spouse first, she'll be around a lot longer than the kids. If you put each other first, you take care of the kids to take the pressure off each other.
Just another opinion....
 
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We are on our second fifty. (51 years last June). We almost never argue and have had only one stand and scream at one another fight in 51 years. By "work at it" most people mean that you don't give up and call it quits the first time you hit a major bump in the matrimonial road. They will come....working long hours, money problems, raising teenagers, etc. That is when the "work at it" comes into play. Most problems will work themselves out with time if you just hang in there, communicate, and make sure your partner knows you love them.

I agree that you have to put your spouse ahead of your kids. In the long run, a good relationship between you and your spouse is the best for the kids. They will be grown and gone in less than 20 years (hopefully) but you will be with your spouse for the rest of your life.
 
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