SWIMBO wants me to quit

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The pen hobby like many hobbies become very expensive very fast. When I made this into a true business and a separate account for the business it becomes apparent real fast as to how much this business really costs.

My wife has been very supportive to a point. Material component are only bought when I have a job or my dealers are out of stock. When I true on the lathe it is excepted to make money.

Right now I am in the position of closing the shop that I am now. Because my new lease was just doubled. My business is going back home and run it out of the house.

Here are your options.
1. Make your hobby into a business at least part time business. Be sure to price your work so that it is not just covering the cost of the material but making a profit.

2 Keep your hobby but make only those items that you and your wife can agree on.

3. Stop the hobby and sell the equipment and inventory (Last resort) .

I feel your pain been though that and continue to go through that. But your both in this together. And it is something that I have to keep reminding myself of it as well.

Good luck
 
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mredburn said:
one of the things I constantly tell my wife is "There is no bad overtime and another hour wont kill you"
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Your right until you notice see is not there anymore. Balance is the key. This is just as additive as some drugs except it's not illegal at least not yet.
 
I frankly dont understand the guff from so many wives! Your being productive and most are at least paying for the majority of the stuff they need through sales.

You guys could have crack as a hobby, you think pens are expensive!

Would they rather you hang out at the local topless bar?

Snowmobiles, cars motorcycles ALL far more expensive and less likely to pay for anything let alone themselves.........Mabe you guys should just say "OK I'll sell the tools and throw myself and money into my new hoby crack and whores! I'll stick to the ones that look 'clean'.......you act like thats what I am doing anyway!"
 
One reason it can seem like you are spending more than you are bringing in is because you sell one pen you get one check. To make that pen you may write 3 checks, glue, blank and kit from 3 different people.
 
WHSKYrvr1 said:
What I would recommend is to set up an account that is only used for the pen sales that is separate for the houshold accounts. She could see that the hobby would be self supporting and might ease those feelings.
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Second this recommend.... I have a separate account for my wood turning and never mix the household account with my hobby money... although when I've had a good show, I do put a little into the HH account.
 
Rick P said:
sbell111 said:
Rick P said:
eliasbboy said:
WHSKYrvr1 said:
What I would recommend is to set up an account that is only used for the pen sales that is separate for the houshold accounts. She could see that the hobby would be self supporting and might ease those feelings.
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This is a GREAT idea. I can't believe I didn't do this in the first placce. That would be a perfect way to separate them. No matter how many times I show her the numbers she just "gets the feeling" as she puts it.

I don't know about you, but when I was in school I never answered a math question with "I have a feeling that 2+2=7. I hear what you're saying about this "four" stuff, but my gut tells me it's 7."
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Given the above.....I would say point blank "this account is for my pens. Unless you have PROFF I am lying about what I spend the subject is closed!" Unless I am missing something that is what she is doing and you have bigger issues than pen turning!
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There are a few problems with your suggestion.

First, he doesn't currently have a separate account for his pens. Money that he is spending at Woodcraft comes out of the household account.

Second, it is actually OK for a wife to have an opinion as to how money is spent. That includes money brought in through a 'hobby'. Remember, a marriage is a partnership.

Third, taking such a hard line is no way to act in a marriage, unless you are trying to take Neil's advice, but I suspect that he was kidding around.
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First by changing that he maybe able to put an end to the badgering.

Second IF she wasnt keeping spending in control she wouldn't be doing her job......he has demonstrated repeatedly that he is acting within the best interests of the family. She has a "feeling" he isnt.

Third and accusing him of being dishonest is OK?????? My wifes family has tried to bankrupt us with there irresponsible behavior, It nearly ended in divorce for us. Giving my wife an ultimatum is what saved my marriage!

Caveot......my wife is a resonable person withj a very big heart......her parents played her, AGAIN!
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There is almost nothing in your post that is related to how the OP described his situation. You're also giving out fantastically bad advice that seems like it is based on marriage dynamics from the 1950s.
 
Interesting thread. My wife doesn't say much about it as what I make from selling the pens goes back into the card payment. On a side note it helps when she is just about as crazy on crocheting as I am about making pens.

She also tells me from time to time that "You are the head of the household; I am the neck, and the neck turns the head whichever direction I want". :rolleyes:

Joe
 
sbell111 said:
Rick P said:
sbell111 said:
Rick P said:
eliasbboy said:
WHSKYrvr1 said:
What I would recommend is to set up an account that is only used for the pen sales that is separate for the houshold accounts. She could see that the hobby would be self supporting and might ease those feelings.
Click to expand...

This is a GREAT idea. I can't believe I didn't do this in the first placce. That would be a perfect way to separate them. No matter how many times I show her the numbers she just "gets the feeling" as she puts it.

I don't know about you, but when I was in school I never answered a math question with "I have a feeling that 2+2=7. I hear what you're saying about this "four" stuff, but my gut tells me it's 7."
Click to expand...

Given the above.....I would say point blank "this account is for my pens. Unless you have PROFF I am lying about what I spend the subject is closed!" Unless I am missing something that is what she is doing and you have bigger issues than pen turning!
Click to expand...

There are a few problems with your suggestion.

First, he doesn't currently have a separate account for his pens. Money that he is spending at Woodcraft comes out of the household account.

Second, it is actually OK for a wife to have an opinion as to how money is spent. That includes money brought in through a 'hobby'. Remember, a marriage is a partnership.

Third, taking such a hard line is no way to act in a marriage, unless you are trying to take Neil's advice, but I suspect that he was kidding around.
Click to expand...

First by changing that he maybe able to put an end to the badgering.

Second IF she wasnt keeping spending in control she wouldn't be doing her job......he has demonstrated repeatedly that he is acting within the best interests of the family. She has a "feeling" he isnt.

Third and accusing him of being dishonest is OK?????? My wifes family has tried to bankrupt us with there irresponsible behavior, It nearly ended in divorce for us. Giving my wife an ultimatum is what saved my marriage!

Caveot......my wife is a resonable person withj a very big heart......her parents played her, AGAIN!
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There is almost nothing in your post that is related to how the OP described his situation. You're also giving out fantastically bad advice that seems like it is based on marriage dynamics from the 1950s.
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your wife is standing behind you with a rolling pin in her hand, isn't she?

:tongue:
 
eliasbboy said:
Well I told her about the separate bank account and she is completely on board with that idea. quote]

Now you need to calmly suggest that she do the same with her hobby, (whatever it is that she may have as a hobby). Mine likes to sew, cook, and paint. Given that, there always seems to be a new request for a bigger sewing machine or accoutrements, new cooking pans and various chef utensils, and I am convinced that paint supplies make pen supplies look like free stuff. Not knowing your family dynamic, after you ask this question, you may need to be prepared to run, seek a lawyer, or smile at your ability to make a perfectly executed comparison to your pen habit. (or possibly all three)
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I was going to comment about how you need to wear the pants in the family like I do....but my wife has found this forum. :)
 
wouldentu2? said:
Go buy a couple of boat magazines and leave them around the house, situation eases very quickly.
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gigglebig.gif
 
I tell my wife I spend my hobby money on turning pens for the charitys I support, where she spends money on her hobby the Grandkids, now let us see who spends the most on our hobby, she has no words then to come back with..........
 
The biggest problem I have in our marriage is that my wife is clinically hobby-less. I've tried everything. She never relaxes and does nothing without an express "purpose".

The idea of "hobby" is completely lost on her.
 
eliasbboy said:
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I've only been selling my pens thru Etsy since August I believe. I've made them for years, but with finances being as they are I decided to try and help supplement by selling. I've had around 30 sales since then. 27 from Etsy.

I'm at the point where I can use then sales of the pens to purchase more kits. The wife gets "the look" when she checks the account and sees "Woodcraft" or "Bear Tooth Woods" on the register.

I've tried numerous time to explain to her that I'm trying to build inventory to hopefully do some crafts show next year, but all she sees is me spending what comes in on more stuff.

She just sent me an email stating she gets the feeling my "hobby" is costing money. I've tried showing her the numbers of money coming in, and what I spend is only going to be from that. I've made enough back to cover my "initial investment" when i started this, but she doesn't/won't see it.
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Anybody ever been thru something similar? I'm not planning on being able to retire from my pen sales, but I am hoping once I get some more built I can do a show and hopefully have a few dollars to bring home.

I only have about 25 unsold items currently, so it would be a pretty sad show if I tried now.
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Hmmm. You might want to try talking in person---but then if she's like my wife, that would be listening in person.

I will give you this advice - do not put everything in one checking account. Even now - retired for years and without enough money to justify two checking accounts - my wife and I have 2 accounts, both names are on each of them, but it is absolutely clear who writes the checks. The main account I write the checks and send the bill payments. The other account I write a check each Sunday for church (because I'm dressed and ready before she is) and she writes the rest of the checks. We never argue about money.
 
I HIGHLY recommend multiple accounts, my wife a I both have our own and we have a joint account. The joint account pays for everything family related including savings, our personal accounts are for anything we choose. On pay day we transfer X amount into the joint (a percentage, for equality) based on how much is need, every so often we tweak this amount if bills or anything else changes.

Everyone I know that fights about money only has one account, my first advice is multiple, it's the best place to start IMO.

AK
 
Joe Burns said:
Interesting thread. My wife doesn't say much about it as what I make from selling the pens goes back into the card payment. On a side note it helps when she is just about as crazy on crocheting as I am about making pens.

She also tells me from time to time that "You are the head of the household; I am the neck, and the neck turns the head whichever direction I want". :rolleyes:

Joe
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My wife has more yarn than a the locally owned yarn store, she admits it and I have as much money invested in woodworking equipment and supplies. We have a joint account and her account, she never says anything when UPS shows up at the door. Nor do I when every Friday we stop at Michaels and Hobby Lobby.
 
Eliasbboy,

I had the same thought as Smitty (she sent you an email? Time for a face-to-face meeting.)

Honestly, your wife needs some kind of outlet for relaxation, whether a hobby, or exercise, or something. Doesn't sound healthy for you guys long-term. I'm no expert, but my wife and I have been married for 38 years, and have learned that each of us needs some space for doing our own thing. Makes the time we spend together (which is by far MOST of the time) cherished.

We have our own interests (she like to sew, cook, make jewelry, and grandkids are another popular hobby, too). I make her things in my woodshop, I make birthday gifts and Christmas presents for family, gifts for our friends, and she appreciates the fact that we can give something with a personal touch.

I hope you can help her find a passion for something, and one that both of you can enjoy. Maybe turning or other type of woodworking would work, and something you can do together.

Finally, my wife and I have separate bank accounts, but joint accounts, and that has been one of the best financial decisions we ever made.

Best of luck!
 
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Sounds like its time for some research to build a case as to the health benefits to having a hobby.

I do almost all of my business through PayPal. That seems to be much simpler than a separate banking account. But I also set aside a small amount each month budgeted for "creativity."

Good luck! I didn't find ETSY to be a sustainable marketplace for pens.

Sent from my iPad using Forum Runner
 
While my wife supports me 100%, I've also mentioned (to her) that my addiction is somewhat different than other types. A golfer, for instance, spends great sums on clubs, balls, shoes, attire, etc. Then he/she goes out and spends maybe $50 for 18 holes and a cart. Often several times a week. Then there's the cost of the 19th hole. It gets pricey and once the money is gone, it's gone. We, however, turn a $3 or $4 blank and a $10 kit into a sellable object (for $50 bucks even!).

My point is that we may spend money, sure, but there's money coming back in, too! Not many activities have that happen!
 
Ted iin Michigan said:
While my wife supports me 100%, I've also mentioned (to her) that my addiction is somewhat different than other types. A golfer, for instance, spends great sums on clubs, balls, shoes, attire, etc. Then he/she goes out and spends maybe $50 for 18 holes and a cart. Often several times a week. Then there's the cost of the 19th hole. It gets pricey and once the money is gone, it's gone. We, however, turn a $3 or $4 blank and a $10 kit into a sellable object (for $50 bucks even!).

My point is that we may spend money, sure, but there's money coming back in, too! Not many activities have that happen!
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Around here $50 for 18 holes is getting off cheap. Particularily on weekends.
 
A bank account separate that you keep honest so the primary account isnt touched sounds like a good idea. If you have to give up a passion for her sake, she should be willing to give something up for you, even if that is her sitting on a comfy chair
 
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eliasbboy said:
The biggest problem I have in our marriage is that my wife is clinically hobby-less. I've tried everything. She never relaxes and does nothing without an express "purpose".

The idea of "hobby" is completely lost on her.
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Don't have a 'hobby' conversation. Sell her on penturning as a side business to bring extra money into the family budget. Get her involved in the business. If she wants to turn pens, thats awesome. If not, that's good, too. There's tons of work involved in making penturning pay that don't involve standing in front of a lathe.

Andrew_K99 said:
I HIGHLY recommend multiple accounts, my wife a I both have our own and we have a joint account. The joint account pays for everything family related including savings, our personal accounts are for anything we choose. On pay day we transfer X amount into the joint (a percentage, for equality) based on how much is need, every so often we tweak this amount if bills or anything else changes.

Everyone I know that fights about money only has one account, my first advice is multiple, it's the best place to start IMO.

AK
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I highly recommend having a separate account for the business, but I have no support for having his and her accounts. The concept of your money and my money is contrary to the true partnership that a marriage is supposed to be, in my opinion.
 
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