I's say you are about 90% of the way there. Here are a few things that might help:
I'll second the suggestion about the white balance, that should get rid of the warm ("reddish orange") hue.
The highlight on the clicker is really strong, you might be able to play around with the placement of the light or pen to reduce the glare on the metal and still show a nice shine on the barrel. Achieving that balance is one of the main challenges.
Also try to only show one highlight on the pen, whereas you have two. One I set one light pointed toward the top of the tent, and one directly on the pen. The first provides the ambient light, the second the highlight. Sierras are kind of tricky to photograph because of the contrast with all of the black and the metal bits, and a lot of highly reflective surfaces that are subject to burnout.
The last thing I do before resizing for the web is to adjust the contrast and lighting in photoshop, then sharpen 2 clicks. I exaggerate the contrast just enough to compensate for the loss of same in the resizing process. Sharpening helps in the same way. Play around with these steps until your resized pic is as sharp as the original.
The only other thing I see is that the clicker end is a little out of focus. You can fix that by using a smaller aperture (f-8 or above), or displaying the pen at less of an angle in relation to the lens.
The pen looks great!
Dan