Funny from the Brit penturning forum

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sbwertz

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Joined
May 11, 2010
Messages
3,065
Location
Phoenix, AZ
Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one. It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1957.

Virus Symptoms:

1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.
Done that!

2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail!
That, too!

3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.
Yep!

4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you.
Aha!

5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.
Well, well!

6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished.
Oh no, not again!

7. Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND."
And I just hate that!

8. Causes you to hit "SEND" when you should "DELETE."
Oh no!

IT'S CALLED THE "C-NILE VIRUS"


Have I already sent this to you?
 
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Kenny Durrant

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Sep 11, 2012
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1,284
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Sachse Tx. 75048
You said “Prior” to 1957. I was born June 12, 1957. Right in the middle of the year So why did it start early for me? I’ve already done most of those things and not only once but depending on which one probably several times. I also noticed things aren’t getting any better with time as it’s only getting worse. I’m guessing your also going to tell us there’s no cure since you referred to it as a “Virus”.
 

sbwertz

Member
Joined
May 11, 2010
Messages
3,065
Location
Phoenix, AZ
Here is another gem from their humor forum. FYI Mole Grips are what we call vise grips.

Tools Explained

DRILL PRESS : A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL : Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh*t'

ANGLE GRINDER : A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS : Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER : An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW : One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

MOLE-GRIPS : Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXY-ACETYLENE TORCH : Used almost entirely for setting on fire various flammable objects in your workshop. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a ball race.

TABLE SAW : A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK : Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW : A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminium sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the bin after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST : A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER : Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER : A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

CROWBAR : A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50p part.

HOSE CUTTER : A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER : Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

STANLEY KNIFE : Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund cheques and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

ADJUSTABLE SPANNER: aka "Another hammer", aka "the Swedish Nut Lathe", aka "Crescent Wrench". Commonly used as a one size fits all wrench, usually results in rounding off nut heads before the use of pliers. Will randomly adjust size between bolts, resulting in busted knuckles, curse words, and multiple threats to any inanimate objects within the immediate vicinity.

B&STARD TOOL : Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'B&stard' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
Enjoy Life you only get it once and there is no Apprenticeship
 

sbwertz

Member
Joined
May 11, 2010
Messages
3,065
Location
Phoenix, AZ
I'd add

Lathe: A tool that will launch a large hunk of wood directly into your right eye at warp speed!!!!
 

robutacion

Member
Joined
Aug 6, 2009
Messages
6,395
Location
Australia - SA Adelaide Hills
Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one. It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1957.

Virus Symptoms:

1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.
Done that!

2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail!
That, too!

3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.
Yep!

4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you.
Aha!

5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.
Well, well!

6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished.
Oh no, not again!

7. Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND."
And I just hate that!

8. Causes you to hit "SEND" when you should "DELETE."
Oh no!

IT'S CALLED THE "C-NILE VIRUS"


Have I already sent this to you?
Oh boy Sharon, so that's what it's called, huh...? and here I have been thinking was just old age...! :eek:

Cheers
George
 
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