Funnest Joke Ever!!!

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Penmonkey

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Once upon a time, there lived two boys named Felix and Lester. Felix was 9 years old, pretty atheletic, and had a lot of friends. Lester was only 6 and not as atheletic as his older brother, but still got along well with the rest of the children in the area.

One day, Felix and Lester were playing by themselves in the front yard of their house. Their front yard was actually quite large, since they were several miles outside of the nearest town. An old highway ran adjacent to their yard, but since the area was semi-mountainous (and the road quite curvey), traffic was never that heavy or fast. After kicking a ball back and forth for a while, they decided to go play in the treehouse they had built (with the help of their father) the previous spring. It consisted of a few ladder-like steps up to the main crotch of the tree (a term that always caused them to giggle uncontrollably), where three boards and some leftover plywood formed a platform of sorts.

The two boys climbed up the steps (Felix first, then Lester) and looked out over the surrounding area. Felix continued climbing higher up into the tree, until he was level with the roof of their two-story house. Lester, meanwhile, was still gazing out over the surrounding area.

The boys played in this fashion for some time before their father called them in for dinner. Tonight was Wednesday, Pizza Night, so the boys ran inside excitedly. They ate their pizza and got permission to go back outside for 30 minutes, after which it would be too dark.

Felix and Lester went back outside and began kicking the ball around again. After a particularly hard kick by Lester, the ball went sailing over Felix's head. Felix ran to fetch it when he noticed some motion in the tall grass behind the garage.

Felix called Lester over and together the two investigated the cause of the motion. After approaching the rustling grass hesitantly, the boys were delighted when a small (but extremely shaggy) puppy came bounding out of the grass.

Both boys were delighted, of course, to discover this shaggy puppy, but Felix was a little concerned. Surely this puppy couldn't be healthy! It was easily the shaggiest thing that he had ever seen, and a creature that shaggy couldn't occur naturally. He cautioned Lester to stay back.

Lester, however, would hear none of it. He, too, was unnerved by the extreme shagginess of the small dog, but the animal was clearly very friendly and, besides the freakish shagginess, seemed perfectly healthy. After seeing Lester pet the shaggy puppy for a few moments, Felix overcame his fear and began to tentatively pat the puppy on its extremely shaggy head.

The two boys ran back toward the house, with the shaggy puppy following close behind. "Mom! Mom!" they yelled with one voice, "Look what we found! Can we keep him? Can we?"

The boys' mother stepped out onto the side porch. "My God! Is that thing a puppy? It's the shaggiest thing I've ever seen!"

Felix said, "Yeah! Isn't it cool! Can we keep him? I promise we'll take care of him, and we were talking about getting a dog pretty soon anyway!"

The boys' father was called out and the brief caucaus was continued. The boys' father pointed out that he, too, had never seen a creature as shaggy as this, so maybe it was some sort of AKC Champion whose line had been bred since time immemorial to result in this, the shaggiest possible dog. He suggested that the boys make a few signs, asking if anyone was missing a very shaggy puppy, and if they had received no response in two weeks, they could keep the shaggy puppy for themselves.

When their mother concurred,the boys were delighted. They quickly made several signs as the shaggy puppy frolicked in the basement. The first several signs were sent back for revision, however, since the boys had purposefully ommitted any mention of the puppy's extreme shagginess in their zeal to claim the puppy as their own. Their mother reminded them that there could very well be two little boys somewhere who were worried sick about their missing shaggy puppy and decieving them would be wrong. Thus chided, the boys made a new series of signs that appropriately noted the extreme shagginess of the puppy they had found.

The next morning on their way to school the boys hung several of the signs around their area - a few on electrical poles near road intersections, one on the bulletin board at the local Von's Supermarket, and one at the closest Circle K convenience store. They could hardly sit still that day at school. As soon as the final bell rang, the boys raced to the bike rack and hurried home as fast as they could to play with the shaggy puppy.

This continued for the next several days. The boys became more and more attached to the shaggy puppy, and their fears that someone would claim him grew each day. Finally, two full weeks had passed, and on the second Pizza Day after they found him, the shaggy puppy was oficially theirs to keep. They celebrated by officially naming the puppy. Several names were put forward, but names like "Zeke" and "Prince" didn't seem to convey the extreme shagginess of the animal, which was certainly its most salient feature. The boys decided to name the puppy "Shaggy", which may not seem too original, but is actually the most appropriate name for a creature as shaggy as this one.

The boys loved Shaggy, and actually kept their promise and took quite good care of him as he grew from a shaggy puppy into a shaggy dog. The only problem was the fact that, as he grew from a three-pound puppy to a 30 pound dog, his shagginess seemed to increase exponentially. The boys had what seemed like an endless parade of visitors who came by just to see Shaggy for themselves. The local newspaper even did a feature on Shaggy, in which he was photographed with Felix and Lester. Everybody agreed that the poor quality of the black and white photograph failed to truly capture the extreme shagginess of Shaggy, who only seemed to be getting shaggier with each passing day.

Several months later, the boys were playing with Shaggy in the expansive front yard when a mid-sized car came screetching to a halt on the shoulder of the road. The boys looked up with a little apprehension. The area in which they lived was relatively crime-free, but they had heard so many horror stories and cautionary tales of strangers who abduct children that the car's abrupt halt worried them somewhat. Within seconds, though, a small, middle-aged man had erupted fom the front seat.

He ran forward a few steps, clearly excited, but then stopped short. It seemed that, at that moment, the middle-aged man himself remembered those same cautionary tales and didn't want to be inadvertantly cast as the villian.

"Um, hello, boys!" he began hesitantly. "Can I please speak to your mother or father?"

Felix ran up to the front door and summoned his nearest parent, which happened to be his father. At the sight of another adult, the middle aged man immediately relaxed. "Hello sir! My name is Hector Barquay! Does this magnificently shaggy dog belong to you!"

"Well, yes it does..."

"Outstanding! Sir, you may not be familiar with my organization, but I am a well-known promoter for SDANA, the Shaggy Dog Association of North America! And don't let the 'North American' fool you - I've seen, scouted, trained and judged grand champion Shaggy Dogs on six continents, and I can tell you, without a moment's hesitation, that this is, by far, the shaggiest dog in the world!"

Although they lacked Mr. Barquay's professional experience, his statement certainly seemed credible. Shaggy's shagginess had become the stuff of local legend, and the boys had a difficult time conceiving of a shaggier animal.

Mr. Barquay waved the two boys, their father, and Shaggy over to his car. After rummaging through the back seat for a few moments, he produced several pamphelets advertising SDANA, SDANA events, SDANA competitions, etc. He then produced a large hardback book entitled "The SDANA Book of Grand Champions".

"See here, boys. This book contains the winners of the World-Wide Shaggy Dog Contest for the last 85 years. Page through that and see if you can spot any dogs shaggier than yours."

Of course, the boys could not.

The family invited Mr. Barquay inside, where they held a long discussion about Shaggy's possible career as a prize-winning Shaggy Dog. Later that evening, when Mr. Barquay had gone, the boys' parents made some phone calls and internet searches based on the SDANA material that Mr. Barquay had left behind. They became satisfied that SDANA was indeed a legitimate organization and that Mr. Barqay was a member in good standing (his picture even appeared in three places on the SDANA website, www.SDANA.org).

Mr. Barquay returned to the family's house the very next day with the entry forms for the next World-Wide Shaggy Dog Contest, which was to be held in Los Angeles in six weeks. "Normally, the deadline for entry is two months before the contest," explained Mr. Barquay, "but I should be able to get Shaggy entered as an at-large contestant with no problem. Of course, for the honor of representing such a gloriously shaggy animal (and for 30% of any prize winnings) I will assume full responsibility for all entry fees and make all necessary transportation arrangements." This seemed fair to Shaggy's family; after all, if it hadn't been for Mr. Barquay, they wouldn't have even known about SDANA or the WWSDC.

Early on the morning of the WWSDC, Mr. Barquay pulled up in front of Shaggy's house with his official SDANA Contestant-Carrying Station Wagon, which was specially outfitted to transport four people and one shaggy dog in comfort. The two boys and their mother (who was able to get the day off work for such a special occasion) joined Mr. Barquay and Shaggy for the three-hour ride to Los Angeles and the WWSDC.

As they neared the city, they noticed several station wagons like the one they were in, but the dogs in the back, as shaggy as they were, were clearly no match for Shaggy's shagginess. Time after time they would watch the faces fall in station wagon after station wagon as their would-be competition realized the futility of entering a shagginess competition against Shaggy when their dogs, shaggy as they were, were simply not Shaggy-shaggy.

When they pulled into the parking lot of the convention center where the WWSDC was being held, pandemonium ensued. The other competitors were split into two groups: those who selfishly groaned at the extreme shagginess of Shaggy, and those who were overjoyed at the sight of such a paragon of shagginess. Person after person rushed up to the two boys, their mother, Mr. Barquay, and (of course) Shaggy wanting to express their envy and excitement at the sight of what was, assuredly, the shaggiest of all possible shaggy dogs. As the group approached the door to the hall, they were having a hard time keeping their feet due to the constant jostling of the mob of shaggy dog lovers all trying to catch a glimpse or even run their hand along that unimaginably shaggy mane.

When the word of Shaggy's arrival had spread, a full third of the competitors simply left the building, hoping to beat the traffic. Every last one of the rest, however, joined the feverish mob surrounding Shaggy.

Suddenly, a chant started to arise. "Hemp-hill! Hemp-hill! Hemp-hill!"

"What are they saying?" asked Felix, becoming frightened by the press of the crowd.

"Judge Hemphill is the reigning president of the SDANA!" said Mr. Barquay excitedly. "He's the supreme authority at this contest! The people are calling on him to skip the formal competition and declare Shaggy the winner outright!"

The cries grew louder, "Hemp-hill! HEMP-HILL! HEMP-HILL!" and then dropped suddenly quiet as the crowd began to hurredly part. As the people hurriedly stepped back, Lester caught sight of an older, distinguished-looking gentleman with an air of quiet grace. This was certainly Judge Hemphill.

Judge Hemphill approached the family and politely gestured for them to step aside. Shaggy looked up at him and cocked his head, unsure of what was going on. Judge Hemphill walked in a slow, deliberate circle around Shaggy, looking him up and down. He paused, held his chin thoughtfully for a moment, turned his head to the assembled crowd, and said.....
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He ain't that shaggy.
 
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Randy_

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Originally posted by wdcav1952

That has to be the dumbest post I have ever bothered to read, which I guess was your intention.

Travis: I completely agree with Cav and would further say that you have way too much time on your hands and precious little respect for the time of your fellow IAP members. I'm not very happy abouit this post.:(

Out of courtesy to the membership, I think it would be appropriate for you to delete your post!!!
 

DocRon

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Wadsworth, OH, USA.
It is absolutely astounding at how these things never die! I first heard ( and told) this, the original shaggy dog story, when I was in college - in 1957! It was probably old then. There are lots of others in the genre .. the "gloop" story comes to mind - don't ask.

Anyway, it gave me a nostalgic groan. Nice amount of detail, just the thing for a campfire story. Falls into the category of 'useless drivel'. [xx(]

Keep up the good work.
 

ed4copies

Local Chapter Manager
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Mar 25, 2005
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C'mon guys.

You wasted a couple minutes. Probably the first time in your life, but trust me, it won't be the last.

Oh, I stopped reading about a quarter (according to the "fill meter arrows on the right") of the way through and skipped to the end.

I was just getting ready to say, "Are you sure Karl didn't find a way to post under someone else's name???"

Hope that punch line was worth viewing!!!
 

Penmonkey

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Woa guys calm down before you all mob me.
Randy and Calv, I apologize. I do not have the ability to delete this thread but if it needs to be remove then someone please do.

I did not mean any harm in this. I was having a bad day until I read this and thought I would pass it on.
 
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Richmond, VA
Originally posted by DocRon

It is absolutely astounding at how these things never die! I first heard ( and told) this, the original shaggy dog story, when I was in college - in 1957! It was probably old then. There are lots of others in the genre .. the "gloop" story comes to mind - don't ask.

Anyway, it gave me a nostalgic groan. Nice amount of detail, just the thing for a campfire story. Falls into the category of 'useless drivel'. [xx(]

Keep up the good work.

My father is a jokester, punster and former teller of shaggy dog stories. We cured him of the latter. One night after dinner, when discussion of the day's events had ended and Pop decided to tell another shaggy dog story, we (mother, brother, two sisters and I) just up and left the table at the same time without explanation. He got the message.
 

alamocdc

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Travis, my reaction was more like Doc's, but unlike him, I drudged through the whole thing. Yes, I'm sorry I read it, but not ready to throw you to the lions. Nor do I think it warrants deletion. You simply posted something you found humorous. No harm, no foul. Being human, we all have different view points as to what humor is. My oldest son thinks Carlos Mencia is the funniest man alive. I find him irritating. I think Buster Keaton is the funniest man I've ever seen. My son doesn't even know who he is. See what I mean? Just a matter of one's perspective.
 

karlkuehn

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Don't sweat it, Travis. :) Thanks for trying to share some humor. If every joke was hysterical, it'd be hard to really enjoy the good ones.

I've made a similar mistake or two, although I've never actually employed the 'shaggy story' motive. Even with an honest post, if they run long, some people will grumble a bit.

C'mon you guys, ease up a little. Almost every one makes worthless posts and jokes from time to time. Matter of fact, if you sum up the amount of time wasted reading some people's threads, instead of one fell blow like Travis (and myself [:I]), you get the death of a thousand paper cuts.

This is the casual forum, and he posted in the right place. If you start complaining about time-wasting posts in 'casual', the you need to rethink the amount of time you have on your hands.

I think he gets the point, no need to crucify him, and starting a negative retaliation flame thread far outweighs the waste of time that Travis unintentionally caused; realistically, I'd rather read the shaggy thing 10 times over than see one outright attack thread.

Geez, I bet you guys would really get mad if I took you snipe hunting like my dad did for me. [:p]
 

R2

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Ease up Randy! If our time is "wasted" I don't see that that should concern you! If you consider your time was wasted I don't care. Just don't vent your spleen on everyone else!
 

karlkuehn

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Originally posted by DCBluesman

Karl - I went hunting snipe, too! I was shut out, how did you do?

For snipe I got skunked, too. I did bring home half a gunny sack full of pine cones to make pens out of. heh [:p]

Never had the heart to pass on that tradition to my own son. I do like sneaking hot peppers into his food sometimes, though. hehe :D
 
M

Mudder

Guest
Originally posted by Randy_

Cav: I think this would be a good time to apply your signature line!!!:(:(


Yes, But who would you apply it to?


I think it would be a good time for Randy_ to amend his signature line to follow the acceptable use policy.
 

Texatdurango

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Snipes... no such thing, never believed in them, nope, never never, not this kid, I was too smart to fall for that... well, except for maybe just that one time during a scout campout in Palo Duro Canyon back in 1958...!:D

And Randy, Lighten up, you're beginning to take this forum way too seriously! Would you suggest members PM'ing you with their posts first for approval then sending them on to Cav for spell checking? That would take half the fun out of the forum![:p]
 

gmcnut

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Utah
I plan to forward that one onto a friend of mine.

It will remind him of a mutual friend of ours who has since passed on that was renowned for his pointless stories that often ended with groans from his listeners. But we all listened because he was so entertaining as he spun his yarns.
 
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Mudder

Guest
Originally posted by Texatdurango


And Randy, Lighten up, you're beginning to take this forum way too seriously! Would you suggest members PM'ing you with their posts first for approval then sending them on to Cav for spell checking? That would take half the fun out of the forum![:p]

:D This is classic!

I think you have it backwards though. You should send it to Cav first because he works for the Govennment and has plenty of time to correct the spelling and grammar. Then send it to Randy_ for approval. [:0]

Thanks for the well needed chuckle!
 

Randy_

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Originally posted by Texatdurango

.....And Randy, Lighten up, you're beginning to take this forum way too seriously.....

George: I certainly don't take you seriously.



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In Their Memory
 

Randy_

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Originally posted by Mudder

Thanks for the well needed chuckle!

Hey, you can chuckle about this too.

Congratulations, Scott. Being appointed to the Signature Police is a high honor and a very important position here at IAP. No doubt, the forum would go to pieces in a hurry if we didn't have folks like yourself watching over us. I'm sure your Momma is so proud!!

I'll bet you are really enjoying the job. Did you get a little plastic badge with Signature Police embossed on it? Did you also get a little plastic cap gun and cowboy hat and neckerchief to go along with your badge?? Your are probably a bit too big for a rocking horse so I won't inquire about that.

One thing I do wonder about is if selective enforcement is going to be your method of operation? Going to let your friends get off easy and harass only your not-so-friends? It appears that there are at least two other posters in this thread who have non-conforming signatures that didn't get "tickets"? Maybe you just overlooked them or maybe you missed those posts when you were on your donut break?? So how come you are not climbing all over Lou and Travis? I sure hope it is not because you are prejudiced against Texans!!

OK, I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt and work with you on this since I will acknowledge that I have most aggrievedly transgressed and am not in compliance with one of IAP's rules. Apparently if is a no-no to have two icons in a signature line and since I am strongly attached to both of them, I just don't know which one to remove. Why don't you make the selection for me.

Do you want me to remove the American flag icon and no longer show my love for my country or would you prefer I remove the icon commemorating all of the brave US sons and daughters who have made the ultimate sacrifice in defense of their/your country.

Go ahead and tell me which is the one of lesser importance and should be removed.

And thanks for your service IAP. I feel so safe here at IAP with you watching over all of us!!



20056145259_eaglemed.jpg

In Their Memory
 

karlkuehn

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Hey! I didn't get a rocking horse, can I have a horse? Always wanted a horse.

Unbelievable. [xx(]

You know what, Randy?

I don't care at all about the size of your signature line. I think it's great, if you need two pictures to make your statement, use two. They're small, and don't require a lot of scrolling to get by; no harm there at all. I'm sure Scott and everyone else here feels the same.

The point Scott was making was based on your quixotic rant about Travis' misguided but well-meaning post. I think what he was pointing out was that if a person's going to try to enforce some sort of vigilante rule based on their own personal opinions and not any actual forum rules, that person would do well to make sure their own compliance ducks were in a row before calling someone out by publicly humiliating and belittling them, especially over something so trivial.

The ironic thing is that you've so missed Scott's point that you've taken it a step further and now you're accusing someone else of electing themselves some sort of blog Nazi, and you've managed to dig an already deep hole into an insurmountable chasm. Childish is what it is. [V]
 
M

Mudder

Guest
Originally posted by Randy_

Originally posted by Mudder

Thanks for the well needed chuckle!

Hey, you can chuckle about this too.

Congratulations, Scott. Being appointed to the Signature Police is a high honor and a very important position here at IAP. No doubt, the forum would go to pieces in a hurry if we didn't have folks like yourself watching over us. I'm sure your Momma is so proud!!

I'll bet you are really enjoying the job. Did you get a little plastic badge with Signature Police embossed on it? Did you also get a little plastic cap gun and cowboy hat and neckerchief to go along with your badge?? Your are probably a bit too big for a rocking horse so I won't inquire about that.

One thing I do wonder about is if selective enforcement is going to be your method of operation? Going to let your friends get off easy and harass only your not-so-friends? It appears that there are at least two other posters in this thread who have non-conforming signatures that didn't get "tickets"? Maybe you just overlooked them or maybe you missed those posts when you were on your donut break?? So how come you are not climbing all over Lou and Travis? I sure hope it is not because you are prejudiced against Texans!!

OK, I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt and work with you on this since I will acknowledge that I have most aggrievedly transgressed and am not in compliance with one of IAP's rules. Apparently if is a no-no to have two icons in a signature line and since I am strongly attached to both of them, I just don't know which one to remove. Why don't you make the selection for me.

Do you want me to remove the American flag icon and no longer show my love for my country or would you prefer I remove the icon commemorating all of the brave US sons and daughters who have made the ultimate sacrifice in defense of their/your country.

Go ahead and tell me which is the one of lesser importance and should be removed.

And thanks for your service IAP. I feel so safe here at IAP with you watching over all of us!!



20056145259_eaglemed.jpg

In Their Memory


Boo Hoo, Boo Hoo!

It's very simple Randy_

There is an acceptable use policy and you seem to feel that you are something special and do not need to follow it.

If you look again you will see that Lou has in fact edited his signature line to follow the guidelines.

The rest of your reply had been sent to the appropriate department.



So y'all have a nice day ya'hear.
 
M

Mudder

Guest
Originally posted by karlkuehn

Hey! I didn't get a rocking horse, can I have a horse? Always wanted a horse.

Unbelievable. [xx(]

You know what, Randy?

I don't care at all about the size of your signature line. I think it's great, if you need two pictures to make your statement, use two. They're small, and don't require a lot of scrolling to get by; no harm there at all. I'm sure Scott and everyone else here feels the same.

The point Scott was making was based on your quixotic rant about Travis' misguided but well-meaning post. I think what he was pointing out was that if a person's going to try to enforce some sort of vigilante rule based on their own personal opinions and not any actual forum rules, that person would do well to make sure their own compliance ducks were in a row before calling someone out by publicly humiliating and belittling them, especially over something so trivial.

The ironic thing is that you've so missed Scott's point that you've taken it a step further and now you're accusing someone else of electing themselves some sort of blog Nazi, and you've managed to dig an already deep hole into an insurmountable chasm. Childish is what it is. [V]


At least one person gets it.

Karl, you've been deputized! [:0]
 

wdcav1952

Activities Manager Emeritus
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Montgomery, Pennsylvania, USA.
Originally posted by Mudder

Originally posted by Texatdurango


And Randy, Lighten up, you're beginning to take this forum way too seriously! Would you suggest members PM'ing you with their posts first for approval then sending them on to Cav for spell checking? That would take half the fun out of the forum![:p]

:D This is classic!

I think you have it backwards though. You should send it to Cav first because he works for the Govennment and has plenty of time to correct the spelling and grammar. Then send it to Randy_ for approval. [:0]

Thanks for the well needed chuckle!

Actually, I work for the government, but the point is well taken. FWIW, I did have a rocking horse as a kid, if that helps any. :D;)
 

Texatdurango

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Show Low, Arizona
Randy, I don't care if you take my posts seriously or not, I was just trying to calm things down because the tone of the posts were getting serious and ugly... a SAD ending to a thread started in a humorous light!

If one were to step back and look at how this thread unraveled, it started with the following comment, which was clearly innapropriate, which means you brought this one on yourself!

Originally posted by Randy_

...I'm not very happy abouit this post.:(
Out of courtesy to the membership, I think it would be appropriate for you to delete your post!!!
 

Woodlvr

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Feb 2, 2006
Messages
3,088
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Midvale, Ut,
This is really getting tiring. A person puts a joke on here that someone thinks is a waste of time and he starts the trouble but all have to suffer because HE thought that it was too long and NOT FUNNY? Randy noone made you read it but yourself. It is not political or against any of the rules that I have seen or heard so why are we all suffering because 1 person did not think it should be here and should be deleted? I thought that this was a democracy not a one man dictatorship? I have been really close to dropping my membership here (MY LOSS) but it is very depressing that people have to dig out negative stuff about someones post instead of just not reacting to it. I am NOT a professor or a college grad (I know it shows) just a person who has donated and tried to fit in and enjoy the fruits of the many masters on here, their knowledge and experience. Just my two cents.

Mike
 
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Location
Richmond, VA
Don't leave us, Mike. This'll blow over like it always does. Just brothers figthing in the back seat of the car during the two-hour trip to granny's for Thangksgiving dinner. "Gotcha last!" "No you didn't. I got YOU last." That sort of thing. The the car finally pulls up in front of granny's and it's over. Until it's time to pile back in the car and go home, of course.
 
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