Personal opinion here:
These crunched up foil style pens do not appeal to me. The same is true of the clientele of pen buyers who visit my sales table. They will sometimes pick up and inspect pens of this (or similar) style, but when it comes to making a purchase, most often the bought pen will be one associated with the words classic, professional looking, vintage style, etc. I do however, find purchase level appeal for pens incorporating foil which has been artistically worked to emulate 'boiler plate' on steampunk type pens, and these sell well. I am fortunate in that what appeals to me personally very often appeals to my buying customers. That means I get to keep making pens that I like to make! :biggrin:
You requested opinion, and got one mans view. Design and/or style aside, your pens appear to be well made...that says"quality", which is good!
I think you paired the plating with the right color of foil. I don't think the crinkled look would benefit higher end kit. If the intent is to highlight the blank, then a simple kit is a better choice.