Chuck Norris Facts

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edicehouse

edicehouse

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Some of you may have heard of the Chuck Norris facts; here is a new one:

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Must...resist...crummy...Chuck...Norris...fact....Ahhhhh I just can't help it! If Chuck Norris were a soup, he'd be cream of death....
 
Chuck Norris did push UPS once. The physical impact caused to the earth are evidenced by the Grand Canyon and the Himalayas.
 
Fear of spiders is arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is claustrophobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called logic.

Chuck Norris does not call the wrong phone number. You answer the wrong phone.

Chuck Norris played baseball once. He went 4 for 3.

Chuch Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris does not go hunting, the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris says silver rymes with orange...and it does.

Jesus once saw Chuck Norris in his tortilla.
 
Chuck Norris one punched a horse creating what is now know as a giraffe.

During Shark week the sharks watch Chuck Norris.

Aliens once abducted Chuck Norris to be probed by him.

Chuck Norris can in fact swim through land.

Bear Grylls, Survivor Man, Dual Survivors and Man Woman Wild all tried to survive a Chuck Norris walk in the wild. Only the woman survived because Chuck Norris allowed it.
 
Chuck Norris has to have a concealed weapons license in all fifty states, and that's just so he can wear pants.

Cuck Norris once got a woman pregnant simply by pointing his finger at her and saying "Booyah!".

When Chuck Norris goes camping, bears and wolves light campfires to try and keep him away.

Chuck Norris gives blood to the red cross, just not his own.

Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick you so hard that it alters your DNA. Years from now your grandkids will drop dead for no reason.

Chuck Norris can take a daimond, and ssttretcchh it out til it becomes a lump of coal.
 
Chuck Norris and Jean Claud Vandamme once walked into a bar. The building experienced spontanious combustion and burnt to the ground because one structure cannot hold that much awesomness.
 
God said let there be light, and Chuck Norris said "Say Please!"
You ever want to see the list of Chuck Norris's enemies, check the endangered species list.
 
Chuck Norris actually died several years ago, the Grim Reaper is just too scared to tell him so.

At the nativity when Jesus was born there were actually Four wisemen. The first three gave baby Jesus gold frankincense and myrrh, then Chuck Norris appeared and gave baby Jesus the gift of "the beard". Jesus loved this gift so much he wore it all his life. This made the other wisemen so jealous they wrote him out of the bible.

There was once an army assembled just to destroy Chuck Norris. He met this army on the battlefield and told them a joke that was so funny they all laughed themselves to DEATH! Then he told them the joke backwards, which brought them all back to life - so he could kill them all in hand-to-hand combat.
 
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Chuck Norris actually hurt his first person when he was born. Nobody slaps Chuck Norris and gets away with it!!!
 
Chuck Norris was dropped twice when he was a child.

Once on Hiroshima, once on Nagasaki
he can blow bubbles with beef jerky
Chuck Norris beat a brick wall at tennis
 
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