About Engineers.....

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skiprat

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Just a bit of fun.....:biggrin:


UnderstandingEngineers #1

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business,when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took offall her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."



Understanding Engineers #2

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.





Understanding Engineers #3

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed,"What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in,"I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said,"Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him."

He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens-keeper replied,"Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said,"That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said,"Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them."

The engineer said,"Why can't they play at night?"





Understanding Engineers #4

What is the differencebetween mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.





UnderstandingEngineers #5

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"





UnderstandingEngineers #6

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, itwas an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last one said,"No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"





UnderstandingEngineers #7

Normal people believe thatif it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.





UnderstandingEngineers #8

An engineer was crossing aroad one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me,I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked upthe frog, and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up againand said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess andstay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frogout of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out,"If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you forone week and do anything you want."

Again, the engineer tookthe frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked,"What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'llstay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kissme?"

The engineer said,"Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talkingfrog - now that's cool."





Twoengineers
Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top.



A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.



"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Steven, "but we don't have a ladder."



The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement,announced, "Twenty-one feet, six inches," and walked away.



One engineer shook hishead and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height andshe gives us the length!"


Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently Politicians.

:biggrin:
 
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BSea

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Those are great!! I told my wife the last one. She thought it was really funny. Although I did replace engineers with just men.

Of course, we all know the last one is fiction, but at least I might get a point or two for Valentines Day.:wink: Just as long as she doesn't see this post.:rolleyes:
 
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Haynie

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I've heard number one as a redneck joke. The redneck made more sense because a woman would never do that to an engineer.
 
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jeff

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My favorite, engineer vs. manager:

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "But how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow it's my fault!"
 

jimjam66

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A company was interviewing for a job. There were three applicants, all of whom passed initial interviews with flying colours. They were called in for a final interview.

First up was the lawyer. The board asked him one question: "What is two plus two?"

He pondered a moment, then said: "I'm confident that I am backed up by common law as well as precedent when I say FOUR."

He was thanked and shown out. Next was the Engineer. Same question.

After a moment's thought he replied: "Due to inefficiencies in the number system we inherited from the Arabs the accurate answer is most likely 3.999 recurring to infinity, but for most purposes FOUR is acceptable."

He was thanked and shown out. Last came the Accountant. Same question.

Immediately he became agitated, rushed to the window, peered out and drew the blinds. Rushed back to the door, opened it a crack then closed and locked it. Advanced on the board, leaned over the table and in a hoarse whisper, asked: "What would you like it to be?"

----------------------

I hear that they are now using accountants in some lab experiments. Two reasons: Firstly, the scientists get less attached to accountants than rats, and secondly there are some things even rats won't do.
 

Magicbob

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A minister, an artist and an engineer were discussing life, when the conversation turned to women, mistress vs wife in particular. The artist stated that the mistress was better because the passion and danger made it so. The minister tool a Biblical approach saying God's plan was man & wife. The engineer thought for a few minutes and said "Both" yes both were required. That way, when they both thought you were out with the other and you could go to the lab and get some work done.
 
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