Ugly Pen Contest Poll - Comments are encouraged

[SteveJ]

There are nine entries into the ugly pen contest. There will only be one poll. You may vote for your favorite three failures. Comments are encouraged in this poll - I have made the results visible to encourage some healthy mocking or consolation. You can change your vote if you become convinced someone has made a good argument for a different pen being butt uglier than the ones you initially voted for.

This contest is meant to be humorous and at the same time celebrate the fact that most of us have made some really ugly pens or at least had some ugly attempts. Some of these entries are from members known for their fantastic pens. It just goes to show you that even the greats suffer some horrendous failures.

#1
Title of Your Entry: Shotgun pen
Description: The lower barrel is a once-fired, powder-coated 300 WIN MAG casing with a bullet tip. The upper barrel is a used 12 gauge shotgun hull with a lacquer-coated cap. The clip, cap and transmission are from a cigar kit. So, this pen uses a parker refill.



#2
Title of Your Entry: Failed Pine Cone
Description: Having no equipment to cast, stabilize, I tried to fill a pine cone with adhesive....just to see. The result is so bad it nearly looks good....sort of abstract.



#3
Title of Your Entry: DIY magnetic cap failure
Description: 16 teeny (2mm x 2mm, think) magnets. 8 cap/8 body. Proper polarity was a nightmare. Lathe IRON made them act like jumping beans where they jumped out of holes before I could get CA in them. Self: bad idea. Throw it away. Don't try this again.



#4
Title of Your Entry: Ill fitting and broken
Description: This is a slimline pro kit from Rockler, one of my first pens. None of the transitions match up and have a "sharp" feel to them. The blank was not trimmed properly not allowing the refill to protrude enough. The click mechanism also got broken during the assembly process.



#5
Title of Your Entry: Mario Bros pen for neighbor
Description: I made this for my neighbor. I didn't like that the ring got lost between the 2 blanks, and the back is too long. She died of a heart attack before I coukd give it to her. She was a dear friend and I kept it unchanged to remind me of her. She loved super mario and Nintendo in general. She was only 52.



#6
Title of Your Entry: If you value your eyes don't stare at this pen.
Description: Willow burl that I was just learning how to stabilize with multiple color dyes. The blank came out looking like a 3 day old bruise instead of nicely pigmented. So I thought I would dress it up with some lacey segmenting, I don't know what I was thinking. I use this pen in my shop to take notes (it still writes quite well), but it has never seen natural sunlight, (my shop is in the basement, and that is where this monstrosity will stay.)


#7
Title of Your Entry: Random Irregular Segment Using Manmade Materials
Description: There is a tutorial in the library in which the author states that he has made and sold several random irregular segmented pens using various pieces of wood. I decided to make one using the few acrylic, rinoplastic, and lava crush scraps I had laying around. Turned using a Gatsby Grande with chrome and gunmetal plating. I find the end result hideous. The wife concurs. Going on the market for only $75.


#8
Title of Your Entry: Waves in the ocean
Description: This was the first an last blank like this I made. It looked fine at first but over time it wrinkled up like it shrunk. Any help as to why this happened would be appreciated.



#9
Title of Your Entry: Frankenstein's Pencil
Description: Sunlight, Ebony, and brass tubes. I made the mistake of leaving my first ebony project in the sun. I heard the SNAP! of the wood and knew immediately that I had made a mistake. In the ensuing fixes, the ebony broke so many more times that each repair left another scar. You can still see new cracks that have formed over the years which have not been repaired. The botched repairs give it that rugged, scarred look, but it still works.

 

[1080Wayne]

The three I voted for are eye jarring , but apart from that I will be more complimenting than ribbing . The random pieces one will sell faster if you raise the price to $100 .
The failed pine cone is a beautiful pen - intriguing - will be thinking about it for non-pen castings .
Love the vision of the turner dealing with the tiny jumping magnets . I sometimes have trouble with only one , large one .
Waves in the ocean is interesting from several viewpoints . Would like to know what material was being cast , in what resin . The crinkle is unusual , but not without some appeal , unless it is partnered with extreme brittleness in the resin used .

 

[Joebobber]

The shotgun pen, while being a good idea, just came out odd to me. A .410 might've been a better choice?

My Mario pen I think had too much going on along with way too long of tubes. Both pictures I used had too much going on, and like I said in the comments, the center ring gets lost. The worst part is I waited 3 weeks too long to fix it and give it to my really good friend and neighbor. She never even saw it. It sits in my cup next to me as a reminder of her, and to not put things off.

Number 8 I think was a bit wet when cast and continued to dry which caused the shrinking. Been there too. Lol. It is an easy fix if you wanted to bring it back.

I think alot of these pens are actually kinda cool.

 

[SteveJ]

That Frankenstein pencil is real sad. Ebony cracks. We try to fix it and it cracks again. On the bright side it is really ugly!

 

[KLJ]

Waves in ocean is small pieces of cherry burl cast in liquid diamonds. I was trying to get it to look like islands in water. I cast several other pens from the same bottles of liquid diamonds with no problems at all. The pen looked good at the first but it ended up in a red and white solo cup on the workbench but I don't know if that had anything to do with it. Also what would be the fix to bring it back. I have just thought about turning it back to the brass and starting over. It is uglier in person than the pictures make appear.

 

[Fred Bruche]

Geez I should have waited until tomorrow morning to check these out... I'm gonna need another rye whisky glass or two before I can get to sleep tonight!

 

[Alan Morrison]

Which is worse...........to win the Ugly pen competition or to come last???

 

[SteveJ]

You have to wonder what the makers were thinking when they decided to put these blanks on a kit....

 

[maxwell_smart007]

I'm the worst trash talker - I absolutely love no. 6! Why be normal - embrace the unique. Really, I think it's great!

Perhaps that says more about me than it does about the pen!

 

[SteveJ]

Nearly perfect Celtic knots on a blank which should have stood be itself!

 

[darrin1200]

WOW

I have never seen so many good looking pieces of s#$@t I my life.

 

[Evilleray]

Gee. You all must make some Fantastic pens if these are your failures!!!

 

[SteveJ]

One more day to make snide comments about these pens and get your votes in!

 

[KMCloonan]

One more day to make snide comments about these pens and get your votes in!

I am humbled to be part of such an ugly bunch of pens. I get chills (not the good kind) to see the kinds of mistakes some of us have made, and yet we hold our heads high and manage to carry on.

By the way, I have decided to go public with my pen, and will donate my pen (#6) to the author of the Snidest (snideliest?) Most Snidely? comment about my pen.

 

[jcm71]

I am shocked that none of pens I voted for are deemed the ugliest by the majority here. Just goes to show that beauty and ugly are in the eye of the beholder, and most of you have really bad (or is it good?) taste. Now I'm confused.

 

[woodwzrd]

These pens are all unique in their own right and I think that there are some that certainly don't belong here but we are all our own worst critiques. Disclosure - None of my comments are intended to be hurtful just my observations

1. This one makes me scratch my head but you might be on to something here. This could be appealing to combo gun owners with the right combination of casings and better transition
2. You were so close on this one. Black CA might have saved you but what ever you used is not good. I'm really liking the plating on that kit. Where did you get it?
3. This pen does not belong here. The execution of the magnet theory may not have worked the way you wanted it to but it is far from ugly. I think this could have been a serious contender in the kitless contest and if you are going to throw it away I'll send you my address.
4. This is valiant effort for one of your first pens. A little fit and finish and it could be a success. I stopped doing click pens a long time ago because of the plastic guts, that is, until just a couple years ago because more kits started using the Schmidt click mechanism
5. I think the concept behind this pen is great. While you may not be thrilled wit the results I think it is cool and I bet your friend would have loved it. I'm glad you keep it as a reminder of her. I'm sorry she left to soon.
6. I think the dye job on this one has kind of a cool watercolor effect going on. The segmenting distracts from the blank color the way you wanted it to but in my brain, the different styles of the top and bottom creates confusion. I am certain there is someone that would be happy to use this pen.
7. This is a really desirable look for some people and I think the execution was done really well. I casted some blanks with cutoff pieces and wasn't crazy about them either but after using one on a perfume pen it was the first one to sell. I was a little surprised.
8. This is another close one. Cherry burl is one of my all time favorites and I love casting hybrids with cherry burl and blue is my favorite color so a lot of this pen speaks to me. Knowing that you used epoxy, I would have to agree with Joebobber that your cherry was probably a little green and it just shrunk. If it was mine and I was dead set on saving it I would probably disassemble it and take just a little material off to true it up and sand it out to 1000 grit then clear cast it then turn it back to the bushings.
9. This one just hurts. I have had a couple of pens do this to me and unfortunately there really is no way to save them. This one is definitely ugly lol.

All in all, I would venture to say that despite the perceived shortcomings of these pens they are all successes because there was lessons learned gained from all of them. I'm curious to see who comes out on top. Or would the top actually be the bottom?

 

[SteveJ]

I am humbled to be part of such an ugly bunch of pens. I get chills (not the good kind) to see the kinds of mistakes some of us have made, and yet we hold our heads high and manage to carry on.

By the way, I have decided to go public with my pen, and will donate my pen (#6) to the author of the Snidest (snideliest?) Most Snidely? comment about my pen.

That pen is so ugly your wife should have slapped you when you delivered it.

 

[Alan Morrison]

2. You were so close on this one. Black CA might have saved you but what ever you used is not good. I'm really liking the plating on that kit. Where did you get it?

I just used CA to see what it would turn like. I think that black CA would be just marginally better. The pine cone was never intended to go on a pen but I changed my mind when this competition came along and put it on a Keltoi pen kit ( from Taylors Mirfield ) that had a broken clip.
I was surprised when the voters didnt see the true ugliness of my pen....there's no accounting for bad taste!!!

 

[KMCloonan]

That pen is so ugly your wife should have slapped you when you delivered it.

Ouch! That's awesome trash-talking!! So far, you are the most snidely

And, by the way she did. (Nice Rodney Dangerfield reference too...)

 

[SteveJ]

Those pens are so ugly you never have to worry about anyone stealing them! (Except the Mario one, some kid would love it.)

 

[woodwzrd]

Since you all know how I really feel about these "ugly" pens I'll jump in on the trash talk.

#6 looks like the skid mark my dog left after dragging his hind end across the carpet after he ate a bunch of acrylic string when he was in my shop.

 

[sorcerertd]

1 - Please don't drink and make pens. Or shoot. Or both? That's not now over/unders work.
2 - This is a beautiful disaster. Or disastrously beautiful. Whatever is squished in there is screaming in pain. Let it out already.
3 - Magnets? We don't need no stinking magnets! (This is really quite beautiful, and I like the needle tip cartridge)
4 - Um, good... effort? Is it that cold in your shop?
5 - If this weren't sentimental, I'd suggest you Kart it off somewhere far away. It is strangely cool, though, in it's own special way.
6 - This. This would make onions cry
7 - Somebody tell Warhol to come get his pen outta here. It hurts my eyes more than his paintings.
8 - We all wrinkle up eventually. This one taught the dehydrator a few things on it's way out, though. (How about a little CA buildup?)
9 - Somewhere out there is a lonely broken snakewood pen looking for a soulmate.

If my ugly pen hadn't made an appearance previously, it would have been a good contender. I'm sure there are more in my future, though.

 

[KMCloonan]

Since you all know how I really feel about these "ugly" pens I'll jump in on the trash talk.

#6 looks like the skid mark my dog left after dragging his hind end across the carpet after he ate a bunch of acrylic string when he was in my shop.

Wow. I know you're hitting so hard because you really want me to mail the pen to you Snidely #2.

I hope your dog recovered. I hope the carpet did too.

 

[KMCloonan]

Another friend of mine commented that my pen (#6) looked like a 3-day old bruise, then another buddy (in the same conversation) thought my acrylic loops were my attempt to suture the bleeding wound. Nice.

 

[sorcerertd]

I am humbled to be part of such an ugly bunch of pens. I get chills (not the good kind) to see the kinds of mistakes some of us have made, and yet we hold our heads high and manage to carry on.

By the way, I have decided to go public with my pen, and will donate my pen (#6) to the author of the Snidest (snideliest?) Most Snidely? comment about my pen.

That's the ugliest thing I've ever seen. You get a bowl of soup with that?

 

[geffre]

1 - Please don't drink and make pens. Or shoot. Or both? That's not now over/unders work.
2 - This is a beautiful disaster. Or disastrously beautiful. Whatever is squished in there is screaming in pain. Let it out already.
3 - Magnets? We don't need no stinking magnets! (This is really quite beautiful, and I like the needle tip cartridge)
4 - Um, good... effort? Is it that cold in your shop?
5 - If this weren't sentimental, I'd suggest you Kart it off somewhere far away. It is strangely cool, though, in it's own special way.
6 - This. This would make onions cry
7 - Somebody tell Warhol to come get his pen outta here. It hurts my eyes more than his paintings.
8 - We all wrinkle up eventually. This one taught the dehydrator a few things on it's way out, though. (How about a little CA buildup?)
9 - Somewhere out there is a lonely broken snakewood pen looking for a soulmate.

If my ugly pen hadn't made an appearance previously, it would have been a good contender. I'm sure there are more in my future, though.

#9 I have that snake wood pen also, but it survived better

 

[woodwzrd]

Wow. I know you're hitting so hard because you really want me to mail the pen to you Snidely #2.

I hope your dog recovered. I hope the carpet did too.

Haha, you're not wrong. If that comment is #2 I'm not sure I can do any better. I'm going to have to sleep on it.

 

[KMCloonan]

OK - It's hard to gage the most snidely comment, so when this trash talking is all done, I will put all snide comments owners' names in a hat and pull one out. If I contact you, you HAVE to tell me your address because the pen is coming to you, assuming the Postal Service doesn't have and regulations preventing me from mailing it.

 

[woodwzrd]

OK - It's hard to gage the most snidely comment, so when this trash talking is all done, I will put all snide comments owners' names in a hat and pull one out. If I contact you, you HAVE to tell me your address because the pen is coming to you, assuming the Postal Service doesn't have and regulations preventing me from mailing it.

That pen is so ugly you will probably have to wrap that hideous work or "art" in aluminum foil just to protect the other mail it may come in contact with.

 

[sorcerertd]

OK - It's hard to gage the most snidely comment, so when this trash talking is all done, I will put all snide comments owners' names in a hat and pull one out. If I contact you, you HAVE to tell me your address because the pen is coming to you, assuming the Postal Service doesn't have and regulations preventing me from mailing it.

I'm sticking with it could make onions cry from my previous post, even though you can't go wrong with Rodney Dangerfield's Caddyshack stuff.

 

[KMCloonan]

As I am a man of my word (for what's it's worth), I put the trash-talkers names into a large hat (hey - I have a big head) - I drew the loser's winner's name. I am delighted to announce that my ugly pen is on its way to Scott (woodwzrd). The mail carrier picked it up today. I did not have to fill out any hazardous items paperwork to ship this pen across state lines (of course it's only going from Illinois to Wisconsin). I think the only thing Wisconsin prohibits shipping into the state is margarine.

Good luck Scott!

 

[SteveJ]

I know my name was in that hat, but I didn't want that pen contaminating my pen collection.

 

[sorcerertd]

As I am a man of my word (for what's it's worth), I put the trash-talkers names into a large hat (hey - I have a big head) - I drew the loser's winner's name. I am delighted to announce that my ugly pen is on its way to Scott (woodwzrd). The mail carrier picked it up today. I did not have to fill out any hazardous items paperwork to ship this pen across state lines (of course it's only going from Illinois to Wisconsin). I think the only thing Wisconsin prohibits shipping into the state is margarine.

Good luck Scott!

Congrats Scott. Truthfully, I like that pen. Maybe I can attempt to make one that ugly. What kit did you use? The clip looks like a PSI Trimline, but the band and finial definitely do not.

 

[KMCloonan]

The Kit is an Elegant American from Crooked Mill. I believe it was an 8mm tube. It's definitely a solid kit. I have made many and given them away as gifts. I gave one to an engineer friend at work about 4 years ago - he uses it every day, and it still looks as good as the day I gave it to him,

Elegant American Pen Kit

Sleek pen with a black center band and clean lines for a modern look.

crookedmill.com

 

[rixstix]

3. This pen does not belong here. The execution of the magnet theory may not have worked the way you wanted it to but it is far from ugly. I think this could have been a serious contender in the kitless contest and if you are going to throw it away I'll send you my address.

All in all, I would venture to say that despite the perceived shortcomings of these pens they are all successes because there was lessons learned gained from all of them. I'm curious to see who comes out on top. Or would the top actually be the bottom?

Scott, it's yours if you want it. It was actually a fun project for the learning experience. The cap is nearly 3/4" OD and sloppy fitting makes it 'butt-ugly' when you hold it. Maybe not nearly as ugly as the other competitors, butt ugly in its own right.