SWIMBO wants me to quit

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eliasbboy

eliasbboy

Member
Joined
Sep 2, 2012
Messages
358
Location
Manhattan, IL
ahhhhh.gif



I've only been selling my pens thru Etsy since August I believe. I've made them for years, but with finances being as they are I decided to try and help supplement by selling. I've had around 30 sales since then. 27 from Etsy.

I'm at the point where I can use then sales of the pens to purchase more kits. The wife gets "the look" when she checks the account and sees "Woodcraft" or "Bear Tooth Woods" on the register.

I've tried numerous time to explain to her that I'm trying to build inventory to hopefully do some crafts show next year, but all she sees is me spending what comes in on more stuff.

She just sent me an email stating she gets the feeling my "hobby" is costing money. I've tried showing her the numbers of money coming in, and what I spend is only going to be from that. I've made enough back to cover my "initial investment" when i started this, but she doesn't/won't see it.
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Anybody ever been thru something similar? I'm not planning on being able to retire from my pen sales, but I am hoping once I get some more built I can do a show and hopefully have a few dollars to bring home.

I only have about 25 unsold items currently, so it would be a pretty sad show if I tried now.
 
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eliasbboy said:
ahhhhh.gif



I've only been selling my pens thru Etsy since August I believe. I've made them for years, but with finances being as they are I decided to try and help supplement by selling. I've had around 30 sales since then. 27 from Etsy.

I'm at the point where I can use then sales of the pens to purchase more kits. The wife gets "the look" when she checks the account and sees "Woodcraft" or "Bear Tooth Woods" on the register.

I've tried numerous time to explain to her that I'm trying to build inventory to hopefully do some crafts show next year, but all she sees is me spending what comes in on more stuff.

She just sent me an email stating she gets the feeling my "hobby" is costing money. I've tried showing her the numbers of money coming in, and what I spend is only going to be from that. I've made enough back to cover my "initial investment" when i started this, but she doesn't/won't see it.
bangheadonwall.gif



Anybody ever been thru something similar? I'm not planning on being able to retire from my pen sales, but I am hoping once I get some more built I can do a show and hopefully have a few dollars to bring home.

I only have about 25 unsold items currently, so it would be a pretty sad show if I tried now.
Click to expand...

Remember, you promised for better or worse. Believe me, after 60 years I have learned, it only gets worse.
 
Can't say I know the feeling, I have a very supportive SWAMBO!

Have you tried turning non kit related items like bowls, rolling pins, ornaments etc? Might ease the din in your left ear.
 
Two thoughts:
  1. A few extra bucks coming in isn't worth marital angst.
  2. If money is an issue, perhaps shopping at Woodcraft isn't such a good idea. I can count the items that I have to pay Woodcraft's premium for on one or two fingers.
 
Here's a possible solution:

1) Make sure you send every one of her relatives (only the ones she likes) a pen or two, with a nice handwritten note.

2) Encourage your wife to take up a hobby where she has to continually buy stuff (I suggest quilting, but I hear that scrapbooking is almost as good).

3) Help her spend money by offering constant praise for her accomplishments and suggesting new projects for her to take on (hand made gifts for her family are surefire winners).

4) If the topic of spending on pen kits ever comes up again, offer to help her do a budget analysis of where your money is going. Suggest starting with adding up her hobby expenses. That should end that discussion pretty quick.

The downside of all the above is that the plan may be so successful that there won't be any money left to buy pen kits (or electricty or food). But it seems worth the risk to me. If it doesn't seem worth the risk to you, then how about Plan B?

Plan B:

Slimline transmissions and refills are pretty cheap. Come up with a creative design for wooden pens (blanks sourced locally for free from trees) that don't need any additional kit parts. They don't have to be slimlines, just use the transmission and refill.

Supplement your pen turning with other wooden items. There's lots of free wood out there just waiting for a turner to take it home and make it into something wonderful.

Just some thoughts.

Good luck.

Ed
 
terryf said:
Can't say I know the feeling, I have a very supportive SWAMBO!

Have you tried turning non kit related items like bowls, rolling pins, ornaments etc? Might ease the din in your left ear.
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Are you suggesting to place those items IN my ear? Cuz that might work...
 
sbell111 said:
Two thoughts:
  1. A few extra bucks coming in isn't worth marital angst.
  2. If money is an issue, perhaps shopping at Woodcraft isn't such a good idea. I can count the items that I have to pay Woodcraft's premium for on one or two fingers.
Click to expand...

I actually learned that a bit too late about Woodcraft. I almost choked after I started to find better suppliers and the price differences. I kept thinking "Surely these can't be the same kits. Woodcraft must have better ink or something."
 
WHSKYrvr1 said:
What I would recommend is to set up an account that is only used for the pen sales that is separate for the houshold accounts. She could see that the hobby would be self supporting and might ease those feelings.
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This is a GREAT idea. I can't believe I didn't do this in the first placce. That would be a perfect way to separate them. No matter how many times I show her the numbers she just "gets the feeling" as she puts it.

I don't know about you, but when I was in school I never answered a math question with "I have a feeling that 2+2=7. I hear what you're saying about this "four" stuff, but my gut tells me it's 7."
 
I swear this place is like what an AA meeting must feel like to an alcoholic. I now know I'm not the only one constantly looking at objects and wondering:

"Could I make a pen out of that?"
 
How about a separate bank account for all pen money in and out to go through. Let her see it going in and out and the family budget is untouched.

Also, use some of the money to get something she wants or perceives a need for.

Tom
 
parklandturner said:
Here's a possible solution: ...

2) Encourage your wife to take up a hobby where she has to continually buy stuff (I suggest quilting, but I hear that scrapbooking is almost as good).
Click to expand...
Alternatively, the OP could see if his wife is interested in this hobby. It could turn into a side business for both of them.
 
sbell111 said:
parklandturner said:
Here's a possible solution: ...

2) Encourage your wife to take up a hobby where she has to continually buy stuff (I suggest quilting, but I hear that scrapbooking is almost as good).
Click to expand...
Alternatively, the OP could see if his wife is interested in this hobby. It could turn into a side business for both of them.
Click to expand...

Hmmm...

She actually told me the other day she wanted to try turning something because it looked like fun.

This might work...
 
I had a similar isuue, so I opened an account that I deposit in from my sales and pay for supplies with this debit card. She never sees any charges on the house acct. for my woodworking supplies. Every so often we go to the show or dinner and I use the woodworking card to pay for it. Heck, one time I got a 100 pen order and we went to Cancun. She doesn't say much these days.
 
Glenn McCullough said:
I had a similar isuue, so I opened an account that I deposit in from my sales and pay for supplies with this debit card. She never sees any charges on the house acct. for my woodworking supplies. Every so often we go to the show or dinner and I use the woodworking card to pay for it. Heck, one time I got a 100 pen order and we went to Cancun. She doesn't say much these days.
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VERY nice. This is definitely something I'm going to set up.

Thanks for all the advice.
 
eliasbboy said:
WHSKYrvr1 said:
What I would recommend is to set up an account that is only used for the pen sales that is separate for the houshold accounts. She could see that the hobby would be self supporting and might ease those feelings.
Click to expand...

This is a GREAT idea. I can't believe I didn't do this in the first placce. That would be a perfect way to separate them. No matter how many times I show her the numbers she just "gets the feeling" as she puts it.

I don't know about you, but when I was in school I never answered a math question with "I have a feeling that 2+2=7. I hear what you're saying about this "four" stuff, but my gut tells me it's 7."
Click to expand...

Given the above.....I would say point blank "this account is for my pens. Unless you have PROFF I am lying about what I spend the subject is closed!" Unless I am missing something that is what she is doing and you have bigger issues than pen turning!
 
Next time she looks at the account make sure there are items on there from Bimbo's playhouse, and other porn related sites. When she freaks out apologize and say you will reluctantly go back to your other hobby, Woodcraft, and Bear tooth.:biggrin:
 
Rick P said:
Given the above.....I would say point blank "this account is for my pens. Unless you have PROFF I am lying about what I spend the subject is closed!" Unless I am missing something that is what she is doing and you have bigger issues than pen turning!
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That's it in a nutshell. She's worries about finances ALL the time, even when unnecessary. I think that may be her hobby actually.

She seems incapable of noticing the deposits and only sees the withdrawals. The separate account is the answer. I feel silly for not realizing that myself.
 
sbell111 said:
wolftat said:
Just do like I have done a few time....Ignore her and go find a new one.
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:biggrin:


If he doesn't have enough cash to finance his hobby now, how's he going to do it with half as much?
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That reminds me of a Willie Nelson quote where he states that after several failed attempts he is done with marriage. Now every five years he just finds a woman he can't stand and buys her a house! :biggrin:


eliasbboy said:
I don't know about you, but when I was in school I never answered a math question with "I have a feeling that 2+2=7. I hear what you're saying about this "four" stuff, but my gut tells me it's 7."
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That's with the shipping! :mad::frown:
 
Rick P said:
eliasbboy said:
WHSKYrvr1 said:
What I would recommend is to set up an account that is only used for the pen sales that is separate for the houshold accounts. She could see that the hobby would be self supporting and might ease those feelings.
Click to expand...

This is a GREAT idea. I can't believe I didn't do this in the first placce. That would be a perfect way to separate them. No matter how many times I show her the numbers she just "gets the feeling" as she puts it.

I don't know about you, but when I was in school I never answered a math question with "I have a feeling that 2+2=7. I hear what you're saying about this "four" stuff, but my gut tells me it's 7."
Click to expand...

Given the above.....I would say point blank "this account is for my pens. Unless you have PROFF I am lying about what I spend the subject is closed!" Unless I am missing something that is what she is doing and you have bigger issues than pen turning!
Click to expand...

There are a few problems with your suggestion.

First, he doesn't currently have a separate account for his pens. Money that he is spending at Woodcraft comes out of the household account.

Second, it is actually OK for a wife to have an opinion as to how money is spent. That includes money brought in through a 'hobby'. Remember, a marriage is a partnership.

Third, taking such a hard line is no way to act in a marriage, unless you are trying to take Neil's advice, but I suspect that he was kidding around.
 
eliasbboy said:
Rick P said:
Given the above.....I would say point blank "this account is for my pens. Unless you have PROFF I am lying about what I spend the subject is closed!" Unless I am missing something that is what she is doing and you have bigger issues than pen turning!
Click to expand...

That's it in a nutshell. She's worries about finances ALL the time, even when unnecessary. I think that may be her hobby actually.

She seems incapable of noticing the deposits and only sees the withdrawals. The separate account is the answer. I feel silly for not realizing that myself.
Click to expand...
It's been my experience that 'unnecessary' concerns about finances boil down to either a lack of communication about finances, a disagreement about how the finances are being handled, or both.
 
+1 on everything your going through. Mine also complains about the time I spend doing it.

I like Glenns thinking, oh and dont forget to make her some things, pens, bowls etc so she gets something out of it. The only problem is if you dont sell alot than there really isnt going to be a trip to cancun any time soon.
 
sbell111 said:
Rick P said:
eliasbboy said:
WHSKYrvr1 said:
What I would recommend is to set up an account that is only used for the pen sales that is separate for the houshold accounts. She could see that the hobby would be self supporting and might ease those feelings.
Click to expand...

This is a GREAT idea. I can't believe I didn't do this in the first placce. That would be a perfect way to separate them. No matter how many times I show her the numbers she just "gets the feeling" as she puts it.

I don't know about you, but when I was in school I never answered a math question with "I have a feeling that 2+2=7. I hear what you're saying about this "four" stuff, but my gut tells me it's 7."
Click to expand...

Given the above.....I would say point blank "this account is for my pens. Unless you have PROFF I am lying about what I spend the subject is closed!" Unless I am missing something that is what she is doing and you have bigger issues than pen turning!
Click to expand...

There are a few problems with your suggestion.

First, he doesn't currently have a separate account for his pens. Money that he is spending at Woodcraft comes out of the household account.

Second, it is actually OK for a wife to have an opinion as to how money is spent. That includes money brought in through a 'hobby'. Remember, a marriage is a partnership.

Third, taking such a hard line is no way to act in a marriage, unless you are trying to take Neil's advice, but I suspect that he was kidding around.
Click to expand...

First by changing that he maybe able to put an end to the badgering.

Second IF she wasnt keeping spending in control she wouldn't be doing her job......he has demonstrated repeatedly that he is acting within the best interests of the family. She has a "feeling" he isnt.

Third and accusing him of being dishonest is OK?????? My wifes family has tried to bankrupt us with there irresponsible behavior, It nearly ended in divorce for us. Giving my wife an ultimatum is what saved my marriage!

Caveot......my wife is a resonable person withj a very big heart......her parents played her, AGAIN!
 
Rodnall said:
I have a seperate account, but she still freaks out when the boxes arrive.
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Same boat here... I have had a separate account for a few years now. I have not spent one dime out of the joint family account since then. Boxes arrive round my house in waves. I may go two or three months without ordering something, and then get five boxes in a week. It really makes her nervous.

There have been a few money transfers from the pen account to the joint account a few times. I like to point these out when the boxes arrive, and it tends to settle down the tempers.

Michael
 
Haynie said:
Bunch of guys giving marital advice. That is pretty funny.

by the way, does this outfit make my butt look big?
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Ba ha ha ha! :laugh:

I run my pen stuff through my seperate business account, since I sell them through my laser engraving shop. So all materials, parts, tools etc. get paid for and delivered to my business. So my wife never knows when I am ordering stuff, other than when I tell her. She doesn't hassle me at all about spending money on my craft only the "Time" I spend doing it. I have all of my tools and setup in my work shop at my business.

If she saw what I have spent on new lathe and accessories over the last month she would freak out! :eek: But I say you've got to have the tools and parts to make the things you sell.
 
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