Can't sleep

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OKLAHOMAN

OKLAHOMAN

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Joined
May 17, 2006
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It's 3:50 AM and I'm sitting in the livingroom worring about Mom and Dad. As some of you know in May I went to Florida to place them both in assisted living. It hasn't worked out so Dee and I have decided to move them here with us as Dad needs 24/7 supervision. He turned 91 on Saturday and his dememtia has gotten to the point that he's a danger to himself and he's become an escape artist. He's been found wandering in the streets 4 times. This will be a complete lifestyle change for Dee and I as one of us will have to be with them at all times. Mom is now showing signs of dememtia also and at 86 shes totally worn out by taking care of Dad. Our home is a small 3 bedroom 1 and a half bath house with one of the bedrooms my office so we're going to add on to it for them to each have a room and we're not all living on top of each other. Looks like Dee and I will fly to Florida in 3 weeks and Dee will fly back with them . I'll rent a Uhaul to bring back their stuff for storage.
I know a few contractors in town so I'll be making calls to get bids and the addition started ASAP. Just seems everything is overwhelming .
BTW anyone want a retirement Condo in Clearwater Florida, I have one for sale, cheap, one more thing to worry about.
Thanks for letting me ramble. Sleep as avoided me as my brain has been in overdrive the last 3 days.
I guess the only good things are I have one of the most understanding wives there is and I'll be able to spend the last years of Mom and Dads with them. So we'll try to make lemonaid out of the lemons life has thrown us.
 
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Roy,
My thoughts are with you and had I been nearby to you rather than the Uk my truck would be available for you. I went through this some years back it's not any easy task and a bag of emotion and labours.
Take it slow is my only advice and all good wishes to you and family.
Steve
 
I have been through this exact situation, so you're not alone, Roy. My unmarried uncle got to the point where he could no longer take care of himself and moved in with my Mom and Dad. I also moved into my parent's home, as he needed 24 hour supervision, when he was diagnosed with dementia/ Altzheimer's. Because of our various lifestyles, we were able to have one person awake 24 hours a day. It also allowed my parents some freedom to leave the house together.

Based upon our experience, let me make some suggestions.

1. Find an Altzheimer's support group in your area, and go talk to people who are helping loved ones through this. It will be invaluable to get someone you can talk to and also to learn about the changes that they are going through. We did not have this resource until the late stages, and we really didn't know what we were doing. Had we known more, it would have helped us, and him, greatly. Doctors, unfortunately, were not the best source of information.

2. I won't sugar coat it. You are in for some rough days ahead. But all of them won't be rough. Some will be quite pleasant.

3. Find someone who can come in and take a shift for you periodically, so that you can both leave and relax. Your house will feel like a prison at times and you're tied to your loved ones. Its hard to imagine it now, but you'll get to know the feeling of needing to escape. If you can find such assistance now, even if its once in awhile, they will get to know your parents as time passes and it will be better for all involved.

I hope this helps.
 
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First thing is to consider an Azheimer GPS tracking device. There are a wide device selections but choose one that you know will be with the person 24/7 and are hard to remove.
 
Roy - our prayers are with you. Have gone through some of the same issues with my mom since dad passed on in February. Behind every good man stands a great woman! Count your blessings for that. God bless.
 
Roy and Dee, My thoughts and prayers are with you. If you need anything I am here, about half way between you and FL.
 
Roy, Am praying for peace and comfort for you in this act of grace. We both know a bit about special care for others, and while it may not be our chosen course, it will have it's own share of blessings.

If you drive back to OK via the high road (thru Atlanta) let me know beforehand and I'll set you up with a meal and a bed for the night. I'd love to meet you.
 
Roy....

If you need some help loading that trailer PLEASE don't hesitate to give me a shout. I am more than willing. Only one thing I will be in N.J. Aug 16-21 other than that an occasional Doctor appointment I'm ready, willing & able to help.

God bless you & your wife...
Bruce
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Roy you know that you can call anytime to vent and let off some steam. I know that it is hard and that it hurts to watch as they decline. Our parents took care of us for the first years of our lives and the least that we can do is return the favor. Linda and I will be thinking of you.
 
Roy,
Keeping you and your family in our thoughts and prayers.

Keep me updated via PM or email as your trip gets closer.
If I can make time to come over to help you with the move I certainly will!
 
Roy; I hope everything turns out for the best, but I will say to take care of yourself. You can harm yourself thru worrying and lack of sleep. Make sure someone else can take over for you so you can get a good nights sleep. Use sleep aids if necessary.

Take care my friend......
 
You're a good Man Roy and Dee is a great wife! Good luck with the changes forth coming! Change is always hard but it will pay dividends. I pray your time with your family is one you can cherish rather than regret. You have to follow your heart and that is the path you are taking!

God bless you!
 
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Steve, thanks for the invite, I do drive through Atlanta on the way home and might call you as I drive through but as I will be traveling with Mom and Dads little dog ( yes we have to take it with us) it might be better if I stay at a motel , besides I usually try to get past Atlanta before stopping.

Steve Busey said:
Roy, Am praying for peace and comfort for you in this act of grace. We both know a bit about special care for others, and while it may not be our chosen course, it will have it's own share of blessings.

If you drive back to OK via the high road (thru Atlanta) let me know beforehand and I'll set you up with a meal and a bed for the night. I'd love to meet you.
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Bruce and Chuck I think I'll have it covered as my niece's husbands will be there to help. but Chuck and Bruce if you want to bring a couple of cuban sandwiches over who am I to stop you.
bruce119 said:
Roy....

If you need some help loading that trailer PLEASE don't hesitate to give me a shout. I am more than willing. Only one thing I will be in N.J. Aug 16-21 other than that an occasional Doctor appointment I'm ready, willing & able to help.

God bless you & your wife...
Bruce
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dalecamino said:
Roy, I can help you with loading too. Let me know. I can grab a Cuban sandwich while I'm there.
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I'm here if you need it. I got a nice heavy duty hand truck comes in real handy I had over 300 lbs on and it handled it just fine (better than me)

Anyway don't feel bad about asking.
Bruce
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Good luck.

Trust me I am NOT being mean and think what you are planning is a good thing if it is the right situation. I have seen this situation go south very fast on many occasions due to the amount of care needed. Before you make the final decision make sure you and Dee are ABLE to give the assistance your parents need or will need. Maybe a move to a good place in your neck of the woods is what is needed. You can monitor their care that way too.

What ever you do make sure you remember you in the process. taking care of yourself will help you help them.
 
I really don't like to cough this up. Last year was something we don't want to do...I had cancer, woke up intubated, 2 chest tubes, art line, central line, epidural and a foley. I was promised I wouldn't wake up like that, but my wife was waiting and had her thing. A 2 hour surgery turned into 8...3 day stay turned into 7. God makes us better if that is His plan. I can't think of a reason why. In our prayers.
 
Praying for this whole situation. My wife passed in Nov 11, she was in the final stages of Dementia, for several months I was by her side 24/7, because I wanted to be and also she needed me. The last month I was giving her her meds every 4 hours, not much sleep then and it still shows in my sleep pattern now.
All of the things that have been mentioned by others and myself are just things that happen, I do not call it a sacrifice because of love, however it is something to think about.
Believe when I say that I will be praying for guidance and extra strength through these times, God is able!!!
Contact me if I can help in any way, I can at least listen.
Red Sibley
 
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