Lucky, Lucky Me ...

[Fred]

I doubt that there is any luckier person on this planet tonight. I have just been informed of the monetary award of the year ... all these funds total some $6,017,956.00. Before taxes of course!

Can you all believe my good fortune or what? Now I can buy all new equipment, as many blanks of wood that I would every need ... and still have money for beer and pizza afterwards.

Can you say, "Party time!" Hot damn is all I can say!

Here is the brief information I just received via e-mail:

(1) It seems that I was recently selected as one of the five winners of the promotional Free Lotto Sweepstakes held recently as part of some kind of EXPERIMENTAL BONANZA and was therefore approved for a lump sum pay out of (£500.000.00(G.B.P) the value of the amount comes to $917,956.00 USD.

(2) Also, I have been informed that I have $2.5 million US Dollars in the AFRICAN DEVELOPMENT BANK awaits my banking information so it can be sent to me immediately …

(3) There is yet another check worth $1,500,000.00 in a cash payment .... and these funds are being held "packaged in a box and have been registered in the FedEx Express Courier Services here in Benin Republic …

(4) And finally, a dude named "Andy Hornby, the assistant director of the foreign remittance dept with the STANDARD CHARTERED INTERNATIONAL BANK OF NIGERIA LAGOS found my name while searching the internet for a trustworthy honest individual" has somehow or another "discovered some amount of money while auditing accounts for the 2008 financial year which has been lying there for two years. He discovered that this money totaling about US $1.1million (One Million, one hundred thousand United States Dollars Only) is being made available for payment to you …"

I gotta go get a CPA quickly ... and a good tax attorney ... and a good bank I can trust ... and a new car ... a new suit ... a haircut ... damn, I'm gonna be one busy dude all of a sudden!

You all can just call me Mr. Lucky the next time you see me! What am I to do with myself now? :biggrin:

 

[tbroye]

I have won many of those. In fact I have more money than Bill Gates. You and I and a few others are probably the reason the country is in an Economic mess. We have all the money so there is much left in the country. Don't tell the politicians they might come and take our money to spread the wealth or they might loan it to bail out some company. I have most of mine in Prince Albert cans and buried in the back yard behind my shop so it is not earning interest but it is safe and tax free.

Tom

 

[woodboys]

Somebody knows you're from the south.

 

[Fred]

I just came back in from looking for a safe rock to hide all this money under. Found one too and it is right down the street from me. It is commonly referred to as Stone Mountain around these parts.

As far as being from the South I have no fear of anyone bothering my stash since we all is honest and one way or another kin folk down in the parts.

Ya'll plan now to come on down in a week of so to one of the largest ho downs ever! You gotta bring your own corn mash as I'm moving up to Jack Daniels with Makers Mark chasers now!

 

[DocStram]

Fred? That's great news. Maybe you'll finally pay back that five bucks you borrowed from me. :biggrin:

 

[Nick]

Uncle Fred, I have finally found you, let$ try to stay in contact thi$ time.
Merry Christmas
Your loving nephew

 

[Fred]

Hey, Doc ... I totally forgot, but you can rest assured that I will put it in the mail first thing in the morning. I will make it a $50 so you can know it came from me!

And cousin Nick, I am so glad to hear from you. We all thought that you were lost over in Iraq. Come on over and we will have a few and talk about your impending inheritance. But hurry up as I have also heard from about 2500 or so "other" relatives that I didn't know I/we had.

Danged if the ole family tree ain't gonna have to be seriously revamped soon!

 

[LostintheWoods]

Wanna adopt me? I'm VERY low-maintenance!

 

[Woodlvr]

Tom, What is your street address, and do you have a shovel that I can borrow? Or a backhoe? :')

 

[MobilMan]

Yea, don't we all wish we were as lucky as they "inform" us? What I've done quite a few times, is there is always a 'contact' to email to. I do just that, but I won't put here what I put in the email. Sho aint nice. They must enjoy the response, cause I don't hear back from that certain one, just their cousins, nephews, aunts/uncles, brothers/sisters & half the town folk. Just often wonder how many suckers they get caught up in this.

 

[wolftat]

Hi Fred. I will send you my X-Mas list along as soon as you get the check. In the mean time, can you just post your social security number and any bank account numbers along with any and all passwords please? Also please leave your house unlocked as an inspector will have to visit while noone is home.
Thank you,
The Nigerian School Of Scams
(No offense meant to anyone of Nigerian heritage or anyone connected in anyway to Nigeria. No offense meant to anyone that could possibly be offended by anything meant or not meant to offend. No offense meant to anyone on the planet or in this or any other galaxy.)

 

[Daniel]

Neil, I am offended that you did not include me on your list. I have been accused at one time or another to not be from any of the places you did list.

 

[jimbob91577]

I wonder what Family Tree looks like turned?

 

[Fred]

I wonder what Family Tree looks like turned?

I wood imagine that it in this case it would look rather "knotty!" It also wood require plenty of CA to stabilize all the BS that wood be involved.

How many time an one misuse the word, "wood?"

As for what MobilMan states concerning replying to these foolish offers, DON"T REPLY AT ALL ... that gives them a verified e-mail address and that is worth a few cents to them which is what they are wanting anyway.

Just DELETE the stupid fools e-mail and go on about your business. Some of these type e-mail can gather information just by you opening them and reading them. You don't even have to 'reply' ... DELETE THEM IMMEDIATELY unless you have plenty of "protection" actively guarding your system.

 

[wolftat]

I wood imagine that it in this case it would look rather "knotty!" It also wood require plenty of CA to stabilize all the BS that wood be involved.

How many time an one misuse the word, "wood?"

As for what MobilMan states concerning replying to these foolish offers, DON"T REPLY AT ALL ... that gives them a verified e-mail address and that is worth a few cents to them which is what they are wanting anyway.

Just DELETE the stupid fools e-mail and go on about your business. Some of these type e-mail can gather information just by you opening them and reading them. You don't even have to 'reply' ... DELETE THEM IMMEDIATELY unless you have plenty of "protection" actively guarding your system.

Does this mean you aren't going to send out all the information that I asked for?
(no offense meant)

 

[wolftat]

Neil, I am offended that you did not include me on your list. I have been accused at one time or another to not be from any of the places you did list.

Daniel, I am extremely sorry for leaving you and all the rest out of my disclaimer and if you will drop your pending suit, I will not be offended. I also meant to include those that have, will, or won't visit any place in the galaxy or outside of it. No offense.:biggrin:

 

[Rick_G]

Fred the only problem I can see with your win is the IRS read this thread and they are coming to your house now to get their share. They are willing to take your house, car and anything else they can steal just to make sure they get their share and you don't skip town when you get the money.

Now if you can dump your house and get up here to Canada lottery winnings are not taxable and you will be able to keep it all.

 

[TellicoTurning]

Somebody knows you're from the south.

No that can't be right... Foxworthy said if you're a red-neck from the south, you would invest all your money in commemorative plates.. LOL

 

[Fred]

Wolftat ... I got so many checks today that I just went ahead and sent you the first one. Check your mailbox daily as I am sure it is there. :biggrin:

Rick G ... I got the IRS all covered with no problem. You see , I bank offshore and will get to keep all my money and never have to deal with them. BTW, this part about banking offshore is true ... Been doing this for about 20 years now. No problems at all! :biggrin:

Ozmandus ... Jeff and I are really close friends and we always get the best deals on those commemorative coils, plates, stamps, etc. Oh yea, the new osamma-mamma-jamma coins are hot - I meant to tell you they be real hot! Be quick and get a thousand or so right away. Remember to that he is gonna fix everything soon!

 

[NewLondon88]

Wow.. you ARE lucky!

I only get the Nigerian women who want to marry me.