My father is in hospice care

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woodyoureally

woodyoureally

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My father was/is a member on the board- ThomJ. Looking at his profile he hasn't posted for a few years but it appears he was an active member on here for a few years.

He and I have not spoken in over 20 years. Too much happened in my childhood for me to have him in my life and my children's lives.

My sister has kept in touch with him regularly and informed me last Thursday that he is in hospice care and the doctors can do nothing for him. They have made him comfortable and will let nature take its course.

Although we have not spoken in decades I find, in many ways, that I am my father's son. I never spent a second with him in a woodshop but picked up his passion for woodworking- right through to this somewhat esoteric craft of penmaking. I find myself mourning what could have been, rather than the man himself. And I find myself hoping he is able to find the peace and happiness that eluded him for so long while he was here.

Please give a thought for Thom today. Thanks.
 
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Prayers headed your entire family's way Derek. That is a tough situation. Very interesting, like you say, that you both found your way to pen making separately.
 
Your father & your whole family are in our prayers, Derek.
May you all find peace and comfort at this difficult time.
 
Your story resonates with me! No judgement here. He is in my thoughts, as are you!

I have worked as a Hospice vigil volunteer, so I know he is in a good place, even if at the end.

Be well, Mark
 
I have to say... it takes quite a man to put aside differences in a time like this to try and relate the conditions of someone in failing health to those he might know. I cannot judge or try to understand your differences, but I also know any man would be proud of his son for taking the steps you have. You and your family will be in our prayers
 
woodyoureally said:
My father was/is a member on the board- ThomJ. Looking at his profile he hasn't posted for a few years but it appears he was an active member on here for a few years.

He and I have not spoken in over 20 years. Too much happened in my childhood for me to have him in my life and my children's lives.

My sister has kept in touch with him regularly and informed me last Thursday that he is in hospice care and the doctors can do nothing for him. They have made him comfortable and will let nature take its course.

Although we have not spoken in decades I find, in many ways, that I am my father's son. I never spent a second with him in a woodshop but picked up his passion for woodworking- right through to this somewhat esoteric craft of penmaking. I find myself mourning what could have been, rather than the man himself. And I find myself hoping he is able to find the peace and happiness that eluded him for so long while he was here.

Please give a thought for Thom today. Thanks.
Click to expand...

Wow, you certainly got me totally by surprise with your words and, all of a certain you took be back, 40 long years, of times that I rather forget however, whatever has caused the conflicts between you two, are more often than not, due to two very identical personalities or a total opposite.

My relations were also cut, not only with my father but with the whole blood family, at the age of nearly 19, for many years I though that was because we were too different however, and as I grown older, and life through me a few tall barriers to cross, I started to realise that, knowing him so well as I did, we were in fact, too much alike but, I wouldn't have known that at the time and for some decades after that.

I said, we were, as I know that my farther died just a few months before I departure Portugal for good, in 1987, unfortunately I was told that he died of an heart attach while behind the wheel of his car in a head-on collision, coming home from a hunting trip, with his best friend. He lost his life and so did is mate, and the young couple with their baby, that were travelling in the opposite way.

Dramatic..??? absolutely, particularly to the young couple and their baby, as for my father, I didn't feel much about it, the damage between us two, was too great for me to have reacted in any other way, and I go further to say that, have been the other way around, he would have felt no different, either...!

I apologize for "using" your personal father/son relationship, to share my feelings with you and anyone else that may be reading this, there is one thing that, I know you understand well, and that is the part where, we had to grow up and fight the war of life, without the support of a father however, there are 2 sides of this, those that have maintained a good soon/father relationship, may have had a bigger help than they may the aware of, if you know what I mean, those like us that, where not as fortunate, have found a way to survive on their own and deserve no less respect and appreciation from everyone else because, unless you have been there, you don't really know how heavy the cross we carry, really is...!

It takes a lot of courage to be able to confront the "world" (as these Internet forums are...!) and tell your painful story, there is just no point in trying to find out, who's fault was, as it takes 2 to tango so, I wonder in all my honesty, if your father will ever appreciate, any prayers you may do, or ask others to participate in that sentiment, it may not matter, anyway, as it was in my case.

I hope you and your own family, continue to strive as always...!:smile:

Cheers
George
 
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