ctubbs
Member
I would like to take the credit for these two philosophical musings but they were sent to me.
On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed......
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"
And God agreed......
On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed again......
On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God. "You asked for it."
So that is why for our first twenty years,
We eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family.. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
There Is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me I will be on
the front porch.
and for the second
How the world works lately...
If a man cuts his finger off while
Slicing salami at work,
He blames the restaurant.
If you smoke three packs a day
For 40 years and die of lung cancer,
Your family blames the
Tobacco company.
If your neighbor crashes
Into a tree while driving home drunk,
He blames the bartender.
If your grandchildren are
Brats without manners,
You blame television.
If your friend is shot by a
Deranged madman,
You blame the gun manufacturer..
And if a crazed person breaks
Into the cockpit and
Tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet,
And the passengers
Kill him instead,
The mother of the crazed deceased
Blames the airline.
I must have lived too long to
Understand the world
As it is anymore.
So, if I die while my OLD WRINKLED BUTT is
parked in front of this computer,
I want all of you to
Blame Bill Gates .
Charles
On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed......
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"
And God agreed......
On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed again......
On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God. "You asked for it."
So that is why for our first twenty years,
We eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family.. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
There Is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me I will be on
the front porch.
and for the second
How the world works lately...
If a man cuts his finger off while
Slicing salami at work,
He blames the restaurant.
If you smoke three packs a day
For 40 years and die of lung cancer,
Your family blames the
Tobacco company.
If your neighbor crashes
Into a tree while driving home drunk,
He blames the bartender.
If your grandchildren are
Brats without manners,
You blame television.
If your friend is shot by a
Deranged madman,
You blame the gun manufacturer..
And if a crazed person breaks
Into the cockpit and
Tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet,
And the passengers
Kill him instead,
The mother of the crazed deceased
Blames the airline.
I must have lived too long to
Understand the world
As it is anymore.
So, if I die while my OLD WRINKLED BUTT is
parked in front of this computer,
I want all of you to
Blame Bill Gates .
Charles