Fri. 13th humor

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roddesigner

roddesigner

Member
Joined
Sep 5, 2007
Messages
378
Location
Citrus county Fl.
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a
broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the
owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting
there.


'You talk?' he asks.


'Yep,' the Lab replies.



After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's
your story?'

The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty
young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they
had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world
leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'

'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting
around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to
settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover
security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some
incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess
of puppies, and now I'm just
retired.'


The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.


'Ten dollars,' the guy says.


'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are
you selling him so cheap?'


'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that crap
 
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Good laugh to start the day. Reminds me of the two guys driving through the backwoods of Vermont. They see a billboard that says "Grandma Moses Whorehouse 2 miles on the left." They look at each other and one says, "Say, what's say we give Grandma Moses a visit?" The other agrees, and in two miles, they pull up infront of a white cottage with a huge neon sign that says, "Grandma Moses Whorehouse." An elderly lady meets them at the door and says, "Gentlemen, I know why you're here -- there's no reason to be embarrassed. If you just give me $50 dollars each and head down that hall, you'll see a door on the left. Walk through and prepare yourselves for the experience of a lifetime."

They pay the lady, head down the hall, walk through the door, which slams shut behind them. They find themselves outside again facing a sign that reads, "Congratulations -- you've just been screwed by Grandma Moses."
 
A guy applies for the cia. Two weeks later they call him in for an interview, and tell him to bring his wife. Upon arrival he notices two other guys in the waiting room with their wives.

Cia call first guy in. Takes his wife to a private room. Cia tells him, we know you're qualified, but the Cia is a top notch organiztion and we have to do stuff from time to time we don't like. Then they pull a .45 acp out of the drawer and tell him to go in the other room and kill his wife. After 5 minutes he comes bck and tells him I can't do it.

Cia calls next guy in. Takes his wife to a private room. Cia tells him, we know you're qualified, but the Cia is a top notch organiztion and we have to do stuff from time to time we don't like. Then they pull a .45 acp out of the drawer and tell him to go in the other room and kill his wife. Few minutes go by. He comes back in room and tells them he can't do it.

Cia calls third guy in. Takes his wife to a private room. Cia tells him, we know you're qualified, but the Cia is a top notch organiztion and we have to do stuff from time to time we don't like. Then they pull a .45 acp out of the drawer and tell him to go in the other room and kill his wife. Few minutes go by, and the hear gunshots, then glass breaking and tables breaking.

Guy comes back in, has claw marks on his neck. He tells them, for the Cia to be top notch organization, there were blanks in the gun, So I had to Choke Her to death.
 
Here is a Friday the 13th type trivia question.

Seeing as how Christmas is approaching,

In what year does Friday the 13th fall on Christmas???

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OK Answer: NEVER! Friday the 13th is always on the 13th, Christmas is always on the 25th!
 
What's the big deal? My dog can talk. We were watching the golf tournament the other day and I went out to get a drink and missed Tiger's shot.....came back in and asked Lucy (my dog) where he hit the ball....she said he hit it in the ruff.

We have a squirel problem and I was clearing them out, one got away, asked her whe it went....rooof!....yep, there it was, on the roof.

We were working on a hollow form the other day and I wondered aloud what caused the weak spot on the bowl, Lucy said: bark. Yep, right again, bark inclusion.
 
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