Don't think about these too long

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gerryr

gerryr

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Billings, MT, USA.
Is it good if a vacuum “really sucks�

Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light?

Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

Why is bra singular and panties plural?

Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?

Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
 
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gerryr

gerryr

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Ever go into one of those "One Hour Martinizing" places and tell them you'll be back in an hour? They don't know what to do.
 
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woodwish

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Jan 29, 2004
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Lynn Haven, Florida, USA.
If a piano player is a pianist, is a race car driver a racist?

Why are movie stars "in" a movie, but TV stars are "on" TV?

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case, just a coinsidence?

Do pediatricians play minature golf?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultry? (just a joke, not a lifestyle comment[;)])

If blind people wear dark glasses why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

Remember that the first three letters of funeral are FUN! (a sales slogan that never caught on?)

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot them? (common bumper sticker in the backwoods of Florida)

[:)][:)][:)][:)][:)][:)][:)][:)][8D]
 
tipusnr

tipusnr

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Reynoldsburg, OH, USA.
Gallagher is a GREAT comedian whose humor is based on observations like this and visual prop gags such as the "sledge-o-matic". Obviously many other comedians have gotten into this as well like Steven Wright and Dennis Miller.
 
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BigRob777

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May 1, 2005
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Newark, Delaware, USA.
Hey,
Anybody want some "Jumbo Shrimp"? Speaking of oxymorons, what is "Military Intelligence"? Don't take offense vets, I'm one of you. Last question: Why do they put up a sign when a stupid person is sitting in the street? (Dip in the road)
What a great post.
Rob[:D]
 
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Butcher

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Jan 5, 2006
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Location
Suffolk, VA, USA.
A few more "Questions of Life".

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is
it considered a hostage situation?

Is there another word for synonym?

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice?â€

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?â€

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating
an endangered plant?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone
will clean them?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to
remain silent?

Why do they put Braille on the number pads of drive-through bank machines?

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?

If you throw a cat out the window, does it become kitty litter?

If corn oil come from corn, where does baby oil come from?

If there is no god, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?

When a cow laughs, does milk come up its nose?

How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?

If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they stick Teflon to the pan?

What’s another word for thesaurus?

What do they use to ship Styrofoam?

Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?

How do you know when it’s time to tune your bagpipes?

When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

Does fuzzy logic tickle?

Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?

Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?

If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

How come you never hear about gruntled employees?

How much faith does it take to be an atheist?

What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person, have to be before considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?

If money does not grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny" for your thoughts"? Where is that extra penny going?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What did "cured" ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then use binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
 
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