Anniversary Gift

[Haynie]

The funny thing is I I know a guy who did this by accident. He was knocked out and laying on the lawn of his apartment complex. His neighbors just thought he had had too much to drink.

The anniversary gift (an oldie but well worth the laugh)

[FONT=&quot]ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Pocket Tazer / Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]face of her microwave.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]bad with only two AAA batteries, right?[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]& blood moving target.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Am I wrong?[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The directions said that:[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]out of water.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]myself, 'no possible way!'[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, ' Don 't [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil' ole thing couldn't hurt all [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. IT IS A WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE *&*%$ !!![/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]by my body flopping all over the living room.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution:[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A three second [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]burst would be considered conservative![/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot](what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I had no control over the drooling. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]smell was gone. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return![/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]me with it![/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!![/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]

 

[edicehouse]

A few beers and a dog training coller, similar story. Far from that extreme, but you know a few beers bad ideas seem good. I wanted to make sure that the coller was not too strong for the dog. 1 & 3 are not bad at all, but somewhere in the course of a few beers your math goes off you start at 1 then try three, then say ahh hell let's check 10.....

 

[MarkD]

My sister-in-law bought a shock mat to keep her dog from snatching food off the counter. As far as we know the dog never got zapped but my sister-in-law had a habit of running her hand along the counter to find her way out of the kitchen at night after she turned the lights off. I understand there were fireworks in her kitchen on more than one occasion!!!

 

[BradG]

ive been zapped multiple times by stun guns. though admittedly each time was always less than a second. sure its a crack and a half but never have i ever felt disorientated (obviously due to the short amount of time) may pluck up the courage for a few second burst one day to see what thats like. yes i know im a touch buckled...

I couldnt see how you could keep it on you for any longer, your arms fly out and instinctively you let go of the button because you realise its a stupid thing to do to yourself lol

 

[Xander]

ive been zapped multiple times by stun guns. though admittedly each time was always less than a second. sure its a crack and a half but never have i ever felt disorientated (obviously due to the short amount of time) may pluck up the courage for a few second burst one day to see what thats like. yes i know im a touch buckled...

I couldnt see how you could keep it on you for any longer, your arms fly out and instinctively you let go of the button because you realise its a stupid thing to do to yourself lol

Question is ... WHY have you been stunned? :wink:

With electric shock your muscles contract and you can't let go of stuff. That's why if you ever have to 'test' something that MIGHT be live... use the back of your hand so when your hand cramps closed you can still pull away. Most I've had was a few zaps from an electric fence.

 

[Rick P]

I grew up on a farm.......anyone ever dares ya to pee on the electric fence as a way of "testing the new fence charger" admit to being a Nancy girl and walk away! Few weeks later a pheasant tried to roost on one of the fence poles, the new charger kept zapping it till it fell over dead!




He was delicous.

 

[TellicoTurning]

Never been zapped with a Tazer or stun gun, but did set a re-perforator in crooked once... when the fireworks were over, I got up off the desk that was about 6 feet behind where I was originally standing. I never did find him, but when I stuck that re-perf into it's slot, somebody hit me in both elbows with a baseball bat.... I had trouble bending my arms for a couple of days. Also sat in the dark the rest of my shift... I blew every circuit in the radio shack and the circuit breaker box was locked... the chief who had the key wouldn't get out of bed and come down and unlock it.

 

[BradG]

ive been zapped multiple times by stun guns. though admittedly each time was always less than a second. sure its a crack and a half but never have i ever felt disorientated (obviously due to the short amount of time) may pluck up the courage for a few second burst one day to see what thats like. yes i know im a touch buckled...

I couldnt see how you could keep it on you for any longer, your arms fly out and instinctively you let go of the button because you realise its a stupid thing to do to yourself lol

Question is ... WHY have you been stunned? :wink:

With electric shock your muscles contract and you can't let go of stuff. That's why if you ever have to 'test' something that MIGHT be live... use the back of your hand so when your hand cramps closed you can still pull away. Most I've had was a few zaps from an electric fence.

Because im not quite right with things like that... curiosity gets the better of me.. if i was a cat i would have used all my 9 lives for sure.

DC meaks you clamp onto things, AC still leaves you able to let go as it phases.

 

[glen r]

A charged condensor left laying on a bench works about the same way when someone decides to pick it up and have a look. This used to be a common joke when cars had points and a condensor in their distributors. The other part was to hold/touch someone's ear lobe while you pick up the condensor - you didn't get shocked but the one at the end of the line sure did.