Jim,
I have a couple comments, if you're interested. The one thing that bothers me about the inlays is that they don't match. The lower inlay has three components, a center element and two balls. The center element is 80% of the length of the inlay, and twice the width of the balls. But more importantly the center element is concave. The upper inlay also has three components, but the center element is a much smaller part of the inlay's length, isn't as wide as the two balls, and is convex. They're close enough alike that they should match, but they don't. It's like you wanted them to match but you goofed. I also think perhaps the pen looks too busy, i.e. there are too many inlays.
The solution is to make it obvious that you don't mean for them to match. I'd make a new cap in white, but with no inlays, to go with the existing lower barrel. And I'd make a new black lower barrel to go with the existing cap. It either would have no inlays or would have inlays exactly matching in size, shape, and number, those on the cap. The middle of the inlays on the cap is 25% of the way down the cap. I'd put the inlays on the lower barrel 25% of the way up from the tip.
Dr. Phil says not to substitute someone else's judgement for your own, and that's good advice.
Please show us some pictures of what you end up doing with the pen,
Bob S.