Trash Talking for the Difficult to Use Pen Contest
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firewhatfire
Member
But now it get a DQ for posting pics on open forum, guess you better make another to submit
firewhatfire
Member
DQ'D but it gives me an idea for a pen that would be fitting this stand
Bob Wemm
Member
DQ'D but it gives me an idea for a pen that would be fitting this stand
You boys are full of Sh** er crappy ideas.
:biggrin::biggrin::biggrin::biggrin:
Curly
Member
Don't give him any ideas. You could end up with a pen from an outhouse seat. Talk about hard to hold!
Nah!
When I was a little kid, we always looked forward to getting the new Sears & Roebuck catalog because that meant we could take the old one to the outhouse & could quit using corn cobs for a while. Now one of those things really would make a tough pen to hold.
firewhatfire
Member
SteveJ
Member
This place has some members with twisted, sick, sadistic minds. I wont mention all the names, but BrianG, Chuck Key, Twist-ed and rholiday come to mind. I think I'd like to meet each of you!
We had mostly white ones, but some were red. That was a long time ago - we moved off that farm & bought a country store in 1962. Now I just grow pecans.
Bob Wemm
Member
Bob Wemm; You boys are full of Sh** er crappy ideas. :biggrin::biggrin::biggrin::biggrin:[/quote said:
Ed, I hope that sucker is Tornado proof, could get real messy if it isn't.:biggrin:
A person could literally wind up in the sh**.
Never thought about making a pen from a dunny seat, but then it would only be a problem if people knew where it came from.
Bob.
I'm almost afraid to hear the answer, butt :biggrin: how do you deal with splinters ???
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You have to have REALLY good friends!
CREID
Member
I knew I should've just let it go....someday I'll learn!
Bob Wemm
Member
I knew I should've just let it go....someday I'll learn!
Some people are just slow learners, they never know when to quit!!!!!!
But then, what would be the fun in that.:biggrin:
Bob Wemm
Member
Now I understand the saying, "Getting hooked on Writing".
Great pen but I don't fancy trying to write with it.
It looks so good that if I was a fish I would be happy to take a bite.
Bob.:biggrin:
Great pen but I don't fancy trying to write with it.
It looks so good that if I was a fish I would be happy to take a bite.
Bob.:biggrin:
Brian G
Member
These attempts at trash talk are tepid. They're more like debris drabble. In hockey, there's usually somebody, an agitator, to shake it up and get things rolling.
edohman, because you admit you lack hockey knowledge, here's an analogy you'll understand. You know that machine that latches onto the trunk of a tree and rattles it to within an inch of its life, causing the tree to drop its nuts and stand there nutless and embarrassed? A hockey agitator does the same thing to other hockey players.
We need an agitator. Here I am. I'm putting the BASH in IAP BASH!
Paper Wrench Hey, didn't you used to be a cattle prod? You sure look like one. Maybe you could moonlight as golf ball signer in the PGA tour. Good thing your maker pre-laid you on the sateen coffin liner in preparation of your slow death out of the running.
Little John You seem nice. Looks like your fletching was a little off and caused you to veer away from the Freestyle Pen Contest and you ended up in the wrong place. At least, according to your finial, you look excited to be here. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Pickaxe Pen In a cavern, in a canyon, excavating for a mine, dwelt a pick axe with some quick hacks and a nib to draw a line. Best get that nib capped lest you dry out on that parched patch of Bad Lands.
Magnum Sierra What happens when Magnum Sierra tips over? Not much. He just lets out a little wine. Your sommelier knows his stuff, but you look rotten to the core.
Bloomin Awkward Some poor leprechaun is missing his pipe! You claim you're a crotch section. I can see why. Thank you for pointing away.
Making Music I'd be more impressed if you were a Theremin; then you'd be the other one besides Dr. Sheldon Cooper's, which would make you second most difficult pen with which to write.
Brrrr You're from Minnesota. You'll never thaw. You're the perfect and easy to write with pen for ice-fishermen (a jerk on the end of a line waiting for a jerk on the other end) and every outdoor hockey mom and dad in the State, which means 80% of the Nordrigine population. The other 20% is either ice fishing, or not able to get from where they are to where they want to go.
PokeYouPine Power Pen. Congratulations on your inevitable victory! Your maker will save space for you on the shelf where he'll keep the first place prize of a box of blanks from hdbblue and Joyner Off-Set Jig. Just don't let the inevitable victory inflate your ego. Those 164 pins and brad nail will burst it in no time.
Push Pin Pen Horrors You belong in Minnesota, where Minnesota Nice is a slogan used in place of the real meaning, Minnesota Passive-Aggressive. You sort of want to be an evil and deadly pen, but your appearance belies your intent. Instead, you quietly sit until somebody wants something from you, and then you stick it to them with a vengeance. Kudos, you can be third.
Articulating Knuckle Masher You are not impregnated with needle sharp barbs. There is only ONE entrant that legitimately holds that claim. Stand down! You shall not pass! You might be popular in a certain trade to a certain population; let's just say it's with ladies that would whip you into shape.
The Big Guy Surely you were going for the "Awwwww For Cuuuuuute" vote by forcing the jammie-clad young man to maneuver you across the workbook pages. Why won't you think of the children? You'll cause that poor fellow eyestrain and a lifetime of poor penmanship, which is a curse of most of us. I'll bet you're stored next to the #14 aluminum scoop shovel that the poor young man is forced to use to eat his daily dollop of gruel before he's sent to scavenge the fence rows for pheasant feathers.
Catch and Hopefully Release You and Brrrr should hook up. Every ice fisherman would love having you stuck to their overdone fishing lure encrusted hat. 27 sharp points is less than 164, though. Only one other is more dangerous, and it's name is PokeYouPine Power Pen. You can be second, though.
Security Pen, Hey criminals, lookit this here nice chain with the garage door opener attached! Just jamb it under the door and watch it pop up! Use the bolt cutters and you got youself a dang fine chain and a stick for pokin' stuff to check for signs of life.
Any subsequent entries Forget it. You have no chance. You could be lazy and glue a nib on the bumper of a freight train, stab a slimline into the apex of a saguaro cactus (don't get arrested), tie an ink-fill to the rattle of a diamondback, or CA glue a Sierra to the leg of a chicken and you wouldn't make the cut. Give it up and stay out.
You have been officially agitated. Pick up your nuts before the squirrels grab them.
edohman, because you admit you lack hockey knowledge, here's an analogy you'll understand. You know that machine that latches onto the trunk of a tree and rattles it to within an inch of its life, causing the tree to drop its nuts and stand there nutless and embarrassed? A hockey agitator does the same thing to other hockey players.
We need an agitator. Here I am. I'm putting the BASH in IAP BASH!
Paper Wrench Hey, didn't you used to be a cattle prod? You sure look like one. Maybe you could moonlight as golf ball signer in the PGA tour. Good thing your maker pre-laid you on the sateen coffin liner in preparation of your slow death out of the running.
Little John You seem nice. Looks like your fletching was a little off and caused you to veer away from the Freestyle Pen Contest and you ended up in the wrong place. At least, according to your finial, you look excited to be here. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Pickaxe Pen In a cavern, in a canyon, excavating for a mine, dwelt a pick axe with some quick hacks and a nib to draw a line. Best get that nib capped lest you dry out on that parched patch of Bad Lands.
Magnum Sierra What happens when Magnum Sierra tips over? Not much. He just lets out a little wine. Your sommelier knows his stuff, but you look rotten to the core.
Bloomin Awkward Some poor leprechaun is missing his pipe! You claim you're a crotch section. I can see why. Thank you for pointing away.
Making Music I'd be more impressed if you were a Theremin; then you'd be the other one besides Dr. Sheldon Cooper's, which would make you second most difficult pen with which to write.
Brrrr You're from Minnesota. You'll never thaw. You're the perfect and easy to write with pen for ice-fishermen (a jerk on the end of a line waiting for a jerk on the other end) and every outdoor hockey mom and dad in the State, which means 80% of the Nordrigine population. The other 20% is either ice fishing, or not able to get from where they are to where they want to go.
PokeYouPine Power Pen. Congratulations on your inevitable victory! Your maker will save space for you on the shelf where he'll keep the first place prize of a box of blanks from hdbblue and Joyner Off-Set Jig. Just don't let the inevitable victory inflate your ego. Those 164 pins and brad nail will burst it in no time.
Push Pin Pen Horrors You belong in Minnesota, where Minnesota Nice is a slogan used in place of the real meaning, Minnesota Passive-Aggressive. You sort of want to be an evil and deadly pen, but your appearance belies your intent. Instead, you quietly sit until somebody wants something from you, and then you stick it to them with a vengeance. Kudos, you can be third.
Articulating Knuckle Masher You are not impregnated with needle sharp barbs. There is only ONE entrant that legitimately holds that claim. Stand down! You shall not pass! You might be popular in a certain trade to a certain population; let's just say it's with ladies that would whip you into shape.
The Big Guy Surely you were going for the "Awwwww For Cuuuuuute" vote by forcing the jammie-clad young man to maneuver you across the workbook pages. Why won't you think of the children? You'll cause that poor fellow eyestrain and a lifetime of poor penmanship, which is a curse of most of us. I'll bet you're stored next to the #14 aluminum scoop shovel that the poor young man is forced to use to eat his daily dollop of gruel before he's sent to scavenge the fence rows for pheasant feathers.
Catch and Hopefully Release You and Brrrr should hook up. Every ice fisherman would love having you stuck to their overdone fishing lure encrusted hat. 27 sharp points is less than 164, though. Only one other is more dangerous, and it's name is PokeYouPine Power Pen. You can be second, though.
Security Pen, Hey criminals, lookit this here nice chain with the garage door opener attached! Just jamb it under the door and watch it pop up! Use the bolt cutters and you got youself a dang fine chain and a stick for pokin' stuff to check for signs of life.
Any subsequent entries Forget it. You have no chance. You could be lazy and glue a nib on the bumper of a freight train, stab a slimline into the apex of a saguaro cactus (don't get arrested), tie an ink-fill to the rattle of a diamondback, or CA glue a Sierra to the leg of a chicken and you wouldn't make the cut. Give it up and stay out.
You have been officially agitated. Pick up your nuts before the squirrels grab them.
Twist-Ed
Member
Oh "BrianG" and your little prickly pen
It might hinder little girls but won't bother real men
To compare yours to mine, you must surely see
My pen is a 1 and yours maybe 3
You make a reference to Hockey, but I'm Canadian eh!
Pull up your panties and hear what I say !
Your tiny tickly attempt to slow peoples writing
It might get a 2 minute minor, but I get a suspension for fighting
You made an attempt at least that you can say
But my Articulated Knuckle Masher has beat you today
It might hinder little girls but won't bother real men
To compare yours to mine, you must surely see
My pen is a 1 and yours maybe 3
You make a reference to Hockey, but I'm Canadian eh!
Pull up your panties and hear what I say !
Your tiny tickly attempt to slow peoples writing
It might get a 2 minute minor, but I get a suspension for fighting
You made an attempt at least that you can say
But my Articulated Knuckle Masher has beat you today
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Hey Brian -
One of those machines did wander into my orchard once & made the mistake of latching onto one of my 500-year old behemoths. By the time it was through shaking, there were a lot of nuts lying around on the ground all right, but not a one of them came from the tree. They were all from that pitiful excuse of a machine that was now strewn around in a million little pieces under that majestic pecan tree.
The only thing that was embarrassed was the operator of that tree shaker. I could tell right off that he was a ferriner, so I asked him where he was from - turns out he was some place up north called St. Olaf.
I appreciate the analogy though. I now understand why so many hockey players don't have any teeth.
Don't mess with Texas!
One of those machines did wander into my orchard once & made the mistake of latching onto one of my 500-year old behemoths. By the time it was through shaking, there were a lot of nuts lying around on the ground all right, but not a one of them came from the tree. They were all from that pitiful excuse of a machine that was now strewn around in a million little pieces under that majestic pecan tree.
The only thing that was embarrassed was the operator of that tree shaker. I could tell right off that he was a ferriner, so I asked him where he was from - turns out he was some place up north called St. Olaf.
I appreciate the analogy though. I now understand why so many hockey players don't have any teeth.
Don't mess with Texas!
Brian G
Member
Ed, Ed, Ed. . . at best Articulated Knuckle Basher gets a 10 minute major and a game misconduct. My Bros. and I have been through worse.
Edgar, the guy that made that machine probably made it for those wimpy almond trees in California. Don't mess with Texas? I think it does fine messing itself and doesn't need my help. The other 50% of my house's residents considers St. Olaf a curse word; this is a Carleton house.
Edgar, the guy that made that machine probably made it for those wimpy almond trees in California. Don't mess with Texas? I think it does fine messing itself and doesn't need my help. The other 50% of my house's residents considers St. Olaf a curse word; this is a Carleton house.
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Brian G
Member
Dale Lynch
Member
Who told you about the human sacrifice secret prize winning loophole?EDGAR!
Curly
Member
Thundering Thornation!!!
Roses are red
Violets are blue,
My entry is in
Making losers of you!!!
Roses are red
Violets are blue,
My entry is in
Making losers of you!!!
Sadly, although he entered a fine pen and entertained us with his wit, it seems that BrianG is no longer eligible to win a prize for either one, having hoisted himself on his own spiny pitard.
Let us remember him well.
Let us remember him well.
Brian G
Member
I lasted long enough to submit the #2 winner, too.
Scratch those well wishes ...
Brian G
Member
Somebody once called me what some lady called some guy running for national office, so that means I have nine lives, I guess.
Chuck Key
Member
With the exception of the blood stained Push Pin Pen Horrors, all entries including the Pecan shell urn and the other entries vying for second and third place are masterpieces. Unfortunately, masterpieces are frowned upon in this contest.
Now, if you are penturner enough to push that push pin in too far you may just get a surprise. (Think spring loaded center punch making a mark in a piece of steel)
Now, if you are penturner enough to push that push pin in too far you may just get a surprise. (Think spring loaded center punch making a mark in a piece of steel)
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Brian G
Member
Pffffft... your pen is rendered harmless by the wiles of many crafty women.
Curly
Member
Chuck Key
Member
for the pesky little challengers
Brian G
Member
Excuse me?
The rules forbid such things, as this is a family site. I'll keep the front of my giant Dalek private.Chuck, PokeYouPine is the second hardest substance known to man. You'll need a diamond encrusted swatter to have any effect. Did I mention that the needles are drenched in curare?
Curly
Member
Well it looks like my old Sawgar Pen has a cousin in the Band Saw Pen.
Brian G
Member
I received word from the Contest Chair that my #2 Pen entry was so VILE and difficult to write with, it was disqualified. If you want to know what it was, it will have to be revealed outside the confines of IAP.
I should be declared winner by default! :biggrin:
I see a few more good tries were added to the queue. After I complete serving the major penalty for my transgression, I shall return from the penalty box to thoroughly thrash the rest of the also rans.
I should be declared winner by default! :biggrin:
I see a few more good tries were added to the queue. After I complete serving the major penalty for my transgression, I shall return from the penalty box to thoroughly thrash the rest of the also rans.
Curly
Member
Something tells me your pen would fertilize the growing of my entry and deserved to be booted. Or at least scraped off one. :wink:
I'm not sure why there are almost no trash talking by none entrants since for many it would be nothing more than their usual posting and wouldn't require any effort.
On a serious note Im happy to see 17 other entrants in the Difficult to Write With contest. Perhaps it will grow more next year.
All the best to the rest of you losers. :biggrin: May the worst pens win!!!
I'm not sure why there are almost no trash talking by none entrants since for many it would be nothing more than their usual posting and wouldn't require any effort.
On a serious note Im happy to see 17 other entrants in the Difficult to Write With contest. Perhaps it will grow more next year.
All the best to the rest of you losers. :biggrin: May the worst pens win!!!
Curly
Member
Hurry up and vote Brian. That way you will get at least one vote! :biggrin:
CREID
Member
Rofl!!!!!!!!!!!!:biggrin::biggrin::biggrin:
Brian G
Member
Peter, I put about 8 hours into my #2 pen entry, starting about dinner time last night. It took some time to gather all of the material. Once I pressed it all together, I was pleased with how it came out in the end and felt really good after it was finished. Alas, it was flushed by the contest Chair. :hammer:
I was hoping we'd each get two votes, since we were allowed two entries. I would have given you my second after my #2 pen entry was DQ'd. Regrettably, you'll be stuck with your other vote.
To continue from previous:
Dog Bone Pen, This old man, he played ten, he made knick-knacks on a pen, with a knick-knack paddy whack wrecked his poor dog's bone, this old man came rolling. . . out of the money.
Band Saw Pen, Should have broken your chainsaw, then you'd cut Sawgar at the knees. At least you can help your buddy Brrr at the ice fishin' shack by cutting the holes.
Pinnochio, Large pens seem to be a trend in this contest. There's no "I" in pens, but a brand new sports car instead might compensate enough.
Thundering Thornation, looks like my ol' buddy Spike! Hey, Spike, you gonna stick it to the man today, Spike? Huh, are you? All he has to do is twist your cap and expose the smooth and shiny underbelly that makes you write easy.
Jailbreak, What happened when the cow tried to jump over a barbed wire fence? Udder Destruction!
I was hoping we'd each get two votes, since we were allowed two entries. I would have given you my second after my #2 pen entry was DQ'd. Regrettably, you'll be stuck with your other vote.
To continue from previous:
Dog Bone Pen, This old man, he played ten, he made knick-knacks on a pen, with a knick-knack paddy whack wrecked his poor dog's bone, this old man came rolling. . . out of the money.
Band Saw Pen, Should have broken your chainsaw, then you'd cut Sawgar at the knees. At least you can help your buddy Brrr at the ice fishin' shack by cutting the holes.
Pinnochio, Large pens seem to be a trend in this contest. There's no "I" in pens, but a brand new sports car instead might compensate enough.
Thundering Thornation, looks like my ol' buddy Spike! Hey, Spike, you gonna stick it to the man today, Spike? Huh, are you? All he has to do is twist your cap and expose the smooth and shiny underbelly that makes you write easy.
Jailbreak, What happened when the cow tried to jump over a barbed wire fence? Udder Destruction!
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Chuck Key
Member
Have to agree with Brian G on the new ones. They all look like they would tickle a little but that dog looks real mean.