Man Rules

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edicehouse

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Joined
Jun 8, 2011
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3,515
Location
Suffolk, VA
Rule 1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
Rule 2: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.

Rule 3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed
Rule 4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
Rule 5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
Rule 6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However, you may complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
Rule 7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.
Rule 8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
Rule 9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
Rule 10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
Rule 11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free.
Rule 12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
Rule 13: Unless you're in prison, never fight partially clothed or naked.
Rule 14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever.
Rule 15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
Rule 16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
Rule 17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
Rule 18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
Rule 19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
Rule 20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, unless she's withholding beer.
Rule 21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

Rule 22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
Rule 23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to be romantic with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
Rule 24: A woman must never have keys to your shop on her key ring!
Rule 25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
Rule 26: Thou shall not buy a car or motorcycle in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
Rule 27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
Rule 28: There is no reason for guys to watch Men's Figure Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.


Some were edited....
 
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Although I have discovered a typo in Rule #10 (or maybe it's just MY experience)...

Rule 10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your EX-girlfriend.
 
But at this point if you have not refered to her as your girlfriend, the relationship is so NEW, she will be excited if after you do it you say "Well you are officially my girlfriend now"
 
major rule left out even trumps BRO Code

2 men shall never ever ride on the same motorcycle at the same time 1 must ride for help or other transportation and the other must wait
 
Rule 27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

Tracy would never say shuch a thing, she gets great gifts.....a rifle for our aniversery, scope to go with it for christmass, new bow for her birthday last year, new fishing gear this year, shot gun because duck season was right around the corner and she didn't have one yet........
 
Very funny stuff! I only disagree about the Lime green car, of course depends also on type of car. A lime green 67 Barracuda is good.

I'm the kinda guy that always needs more power too. Its not a real trucker cb radio if you can't roast hot dogs on the antena while its in use!
 
The funny thing is my wife plays the video games way more than I do.

This brings forth the next rule: Never teach your wife/girlfriend how to do a man thing (play game, sports, hunting) because she will be faster, quicker, better than you at it. DAMHIKT
Thanks for sharing. I dare not show these to my bride.
Charles
 
Well when we started dating she was more into video games than I was. I played Madden, Gran Turismo, Nascar, and Baseball.
 
Ya I've questioned the wisdom of teaching the wife to shoot a couple of times........I'm fine if shes got a rifle but lord help me if she picks up a bow on the way to deal with my sorry butt!!
 
Rule 10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your EX-girlfriend.

If brussell sprouts were involved, she may be a widow
 
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