What ? . No Forum For Jokes ?
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leehljp
Member Liaison
OK, so I am a minister and have a mild form of dyslexia. So here goes:
An oldie from long ago:
Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He stayed awake at night wondering if there was a dog!
An oldie from long ago:
Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He stayed awake at night wondering if there was a dog!
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Chuck Key
Member
Ok, so here is one for the minister.
What did the fish say when he bumped is head swimming up stream? Dam.
Timber Ripper
Member
What side does a dog have more hair on?
The outside!
The outside!
Curly
Member
The third joke I forgot to add to post 30.
What happens when you drink frognog?
You croak.
What happens when you drink frognog?
You croak.
moke
Member
A guy walks into a bar carrying a slab of asphalt, and says I'll take two beers, one for me and one for the road.....
Woodchipper
Member
A guy walked into a bar. He asked the bartender for something cold and full of gin. The bartender brought out his mother-in-law.
Woodchipper
Member
Two rabbis walked into a bar. They didn't see it soon enough.
Timber Ripper
Member
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino?
Elephino!
Elephino!
I don't get this one .... but don't bother to explain .... That could get us into delicate territory.
StanBrown
Member
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a lion? I don't know either, but when it talks you better listen.
StanBrown
Member
Do you know why cannibals don't eat clowns? They taste funny.
studioseven
Member
What do you get when you cross a mole with a porcupine?
A tunnel that leaks.
Seven
A tunnel that leaks.
Seven
Timber Ripper
Member
What did the Magician/Fisherman from Boston Massachusetts say?
Pick a Cod, any Cod.
Pick a Cod, any Cod.
randyrls
Member
Stephen Wright:
Some people are afraid of heights, I'm afraid of widths.
"I went to a place to eat. It said 'breakfast at any time.' So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance."
How do you tell when you're pen is out of invisible ink?
I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape
of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
Last one below
Some people are afraid of heights, I'm afraid of widths.
"I went to a place to eat. It said 'breakfast at any time.' So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance."
How do you tell when you're pen is out of invisible ink?
I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape
of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
Last one below
Timber Ripper
Member
Classic!
Someone broke into my apartment and stole everything and replaced it with exact duplicates.. Stephen Wright.
WriteON
Member
How do make a kleenex dance?
Put a boogie in it.......Boo...hiss
Put a boogie in it.......Boo...hiss
steamshovel
Member
how do you get a one armed politician out of a tree
wave at him
wave at him
Timber Ripper
Member
It was so cold out today. I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
Timber Ripper
Member
Hmmmmm...
Decisions decisions..
Full frontal lobotomy.
OR...
Full bottle in front of me:question:
Decisions decisions..
Full frontal lobotomy.
OR...Full bottle in front of me:question:
Timber Ripper
Member
I guess we should be tuning pens :befuddled:
BSea
Member
When a knight in armour is killed in battle, what sign do they put on his grave?
Rust in peace!
Rust in peace!
Brian G
Member
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
"Robin, get in the car."
"Robin, get in the car."
Timber Ripper
Member
What do you call a Penguin without a Pen?
A guin
A guin
Timber Ripper
Member
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Pen :biggrin:
leehljp
Member Liaison
What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted!
Outlaws are wanted!
wolf creek knives
Member
A boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded.
"How do you know that?"
"Easy. All you have to do is add it up, like the preacher said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
This came out of the March 2019 American Legion magazine.
"Sixteen," the boy responded.
"How do you know that?"
"Easy. All you have to do is add it up, like the preacher said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
This came out of the March 2019 American Legion magazine.
This is a long one so stick with me.
It's there 30th wedding anniversary and Mary wakes up a 4:30 and realizes her husband isn't in bed. Fearing the worst she searches the house to no avail. Finally she finds him on the back porch, sitting, in the dark. She asked him what's wrong, are you okay.
He responds, I was just remembering that day 30 years ago today. I was 18 and you were 17. We just found out you were pregnant and decided to tell your parents. Your Dad dragged me in front of his brother the Judge. My choices were to marry you on the spot or go to jail for statutory rape.
I'd a got out today!
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It's there 30th wedding anniversary and Mary wakes up a 4:30 and realizes her husband isn't in bed. Fearing the worst she searches the house to no avail. Finally she finds him on the back porch, sitting, in the dark. She asked him what's wrong, are you okay.
He responds, I was just remembering that day 30 years ago today. I was 18 and you were 17. We just found out you were pregnant and decided to tell your parents. Your Dad dragged me in front of his brother the Judge. My choices were to marry you on the spot or go to jail for statutory rape.
I'd a got out today!
Sent from my iPhone using Penturners.org mobile app
A funeral precession was going down the street. A guy walking down the street noticed an old man with his hat off, over his heart and then put it back on after the precession went by. He caught up with the old man and said, "that was pretty respectful of you as that precession went by". The old man replied "it was the least I could do, was married to her for 40 years. "
firewhatfire
Member
If your'e ever sad
just imagine the tree that grew 20 years to grow then end up becoming a Justin Beiber notebook.
saddest joke ever
just imagine the tree that grew 20 years to grow then end up becoming a Justin Beiber notebook.
saddest joke ever
RSQWhite
Member
Name the following:
A man with no arms or legs in a lake?
Bob
A man with no arms or legs on the porch?
Matt
A man with no arms or legs hanging on a wall?
Art
A girl with no arms or legs on the beach?
Sandy
A girl with one leg shorter than the other?
ILENE
Same girl in Japan
IRENE
And finally! What do you call a dog with no legs in a swimming pool?
Bob Barker.
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A man with no arms or legs in a lake?
Bob
A man with no arms or legs on the porch?
Matt
A man with no arms or legs hanging on a wall?
Art
A girl with no arms or legs on the beach?
Sandy
A girl with one leg shorter than the other?
ILENE
Same girl in Japan
IRENE
And finally! What do you call a dog with no legs in a swimming pool?
Bob Barker.
Sent from my iPad using Penturners.org mobile app
Curly
Member
You forgot a few more bad ones.
Man with no arms and legs under a pile of leaves?
Russel.
Man with no arms and legs tumbling downhill?
Rollie.
Man with no arms and legs with a cut?
Nick.
Man with no arms and legs on a pile of money?
Rich.
Man with no arms and legs under a pile of leaves?
Russel.
Man with no arms and legs tumbling downhill?
Rollie.
Man with no arms and legs with a cut?
Nick.
Man with no arms and legs on a pile of money?
Rich.
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Timber Ripper
Member
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
The people in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but the people in Abu Dhabi doooooo.
The people in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but the people in Abu Dhabi doooooo.
BSea
Member
Make love, not war. Or get married and do both.
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RSQWhite
Member
A woman distraught over the death of her husband was offered encouragement by a close friend who said"plethora ". The distraught woman stopped crying and said " thanks that means a lot."
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Sent from my iPad using Penturners.org mobile app