Liars Club Contest - (ENDED)

[melogic]

Welcome to the 4th Annual IAP Birthday Bash!

Liars Club Contest</u>

Objective:
In this contest, each entrant is expected to submit a “short story†that is the tallest tale or outright lie that concerns handmade pens and penturning. It can be a personal experience with a big made up twist to it or it can be anything that comes to mind. But all stories have to be YOUR Original work. It cannot be a story you read on the internet, in a magazine or saw in any other publication. All entries need to be submitted to the following e-mail address (2008BashLiarsClub@penturners.org) with "Liars Club Contest" as the subject and your name and IAP screen name at the beginning of the story.

Rules:
• Must be original work. (i.e. not from an internet story or any story that has been posted by someone else in any publication.)
• Must not be the TRUTH!
• Minimum of 1 paragraph and a maximum of 4 paragraphs
• One entry per member (Must be a registered member of the IAP to enter)
• Please list your name and IAP screen name with each entry and e-mail to 2008BashLiarsClub@penturners.org with "Liars Club Contest" in the subject line.
• Contest will begin 7:00am EST on Sunday January 6, 2008
• All entries must be submitted by 7:00pm EST on Sunday January 20, 2008
• The judges decision will be final
• The 3 judges will be chosen at random. The identity of the judges will not be revealed.

Prizes:
First Place - $100.00 gift certificate from William Woodwrite
Second Place - $25 gift certificate from Rockler
Third Place - sampler pack of 20 blanks from Rob Curtis (BigRob777)

Within a few days after the contest ends, all entries will be posted in this thread for everyone to see along with the winners. Please keep the entries clean as this is a family site. The main objective in this contest is to HAVE FUN!

 

[hilltopper46]

How will the judges be able to tell the difference between these submissions and regular postings to IAP?

 

[wdcav1952]

Originally posted by hilltopper46

How will the judges be able to tell the difference between these submissions and regular postings to IAP?

They are all trained professionals!!

 

[dalemcginnis]

Can it include photos, and if so can they be "stolen" from the internet for the purpose of the story?

 

[IPD_Mrs]

This would seem to be an unfair contest. We all know that ED can shovel more sh** than anyone else around, with Cav not to far behind. [}][}]

Mr. & Mrs.

 

[DocStram]

Originally posted by wdcav1952

Originally posted by hilltopper46

How will the judges be able to tell the difference between these submissions and regular postings to IAP?

They are all trained professionals!!
] William "Cav" Cavanaugh
Susquehanna Valley, PA

"All morons hate it when you call them a moron."
J. D. Salinger [/quote



Yeah ... like Cav's signature line, for instance. What I mean is ... I never hate it when he calls me a moron. [][]

 

[melogic]

There has been a slight change to the prizes. 2nd prize is now a gift certificate from Rockler instead of the blanks from Mesquiteman. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Dale: Pictures would be great, however, this contest is about being creative enough to get your point across through words. I can't wait to start reading some of these tall tales. []

Tony: Jeff thought of putting in a special filter on the site just to filter out these stories for this contest. But, when he tried to bring it online, the filter clogged up in just a few micro-seconds and the entire site crashed from all of the BS on here. (just kidding)

 

[ed4copies]

Well, every word I have ever uttered is gospel.


That's MY entry!!!

 

[IPD_Mrs]

Originally posted by ed4copies

Well, every word I have ever uttered is gospel.


That's MY entry!!!

See [8)]- he is just proving my point as we speak .. er type.

Well you all get the picture [}]
[:X]

 

[ed4copies]

Contest closed, I won!

 

[airrat]

Ed stop lying we all know you cannot win.

Originally posted by ed4copies

Contest closed, I won!

I just found some ocean front property in Arizona.

 

[DocStram]

I, of course, am way too good of person to engage in deceitful posts. Therefore, I will not be entering the Liars Club Contest.

 

[Chuck Key]

Originally posted by DocStram

I will not be entering the Liars Club Contest.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Al
Sometimes when I'm turning, I wonder "Why is that pen blank growing bigger?" and then it hits me.

Have you noticed your nose getting longer?

Chuckie

 

[melogic]

Just a little bump!

 

[karlkuehn]

Hey, incidentally, how big's a paragraph, anyways? See, for me it's like going to a party and saying I'm going to limit myself to four drinks.

Unless someone sets a standard for what's an acceptable sized glass...

*holds up his favorite party trough*

Savvy? []

 

[wdcav1952]

Originally posted by karlkuehn

Hey, incidentally, how big's a paragraph, anyways? See, for me it's like going to a party and saying I'm going to limit myself to four drinks.

Unless someone sets a standard for what's an acceptable sized glass...

*holds up his favorite party trough*

Savvy? []

Karl, let's you and me do a party or two before they haul me off to assisted living!!

 

[melogic]

Karl,
As long as it will not take me or the judges half of the day to read, send it in. Remember that the longer the stories, the longer it takes the judges to get the winners.
Use your best judgement and just don't turn a short story into a novel.

 

[smoky10]

Heres my entry:
All politicians tell nothing but the truth and carry out all the promises they make.

 

[karlkuehn]

Originally posted by wdcav1952

Originally posted by karlkuehn

Hey, incidentally, how big's a paragraph, anyways? See, for me it's like going to a party and saying I'm going to limit myself to four drinks.

Unless someone sets a standard for what's an acceptable sized glass...

*holds up his favorite party trough*

Savvy? []

Karl, let's you and me do a party or two before they haul me off to assisted living!!

Oh man, there's a dream come true...partying with a dentist! [:0]

A couple of troughs in and we're lighting farts, next thing you know, I wake up in Des Moines with a smile that looks like Mr. Ed!

"No, honey really, it's cool, purple veneers are the hip new thing! Ask Cav!"

*looks around groggily*

"Cav...?"

"Anyways, honey, I love you soooo much, so if you could just send the bail..."

 

[fiferb]

Everything I say is a lie, I'm lying.

 

[wdcav1952]

Originally posted by karlkuehn

Originally posted by wdcav1952

Originally posted by karlkuehn

Hey, incidentally, how big's a paragraph, anyways? See, for me it's like going to a party and saying I'm going to limit myself to four drinks.

Unless someone sets a standard for what's an acceptable sized glass...

*holds up his favorite party trough*

Savvy? []

Karl, let's you and me do a party or two before they haul me off to assisted living!!

Oh man, there's a dream come true...partying with a dentist! [:0]

A couple of troughs in and we're lighting farts, next thing you know, I wake up in Des Moines with a smile that looks like Mr. Ed!

"No, honey really, it's cool, purple veneers are the hip new thing! Ask Cav!"

*looks around groggily*

"Cav...?"

"Anyways, honey, I love you soooo much, so if you could just send the bail..."

Just remember, Karl, when things are being lit or smoked, do a "Bill Clinton" and don't inhale!!

 

[IPD_Mrs]

Originally posted by wdcav1952

Just remember, Karl, when things are being lit or smoked, do a "Bill Clinton" and don't inhale!!

Look, any fool knows: when you are laid out in that chair and there is a goofy, smocked fool standing over you using a high speed, over priced Dremel and grinding your tooth into a steady stream of smoke . . . it is impossible to not inhale![xx(]

Mike

 

[IPD_Mrs]

Originally posted by DocStram

I, of course, am way too good of person to engage in deceitful posts. Therefore, I will not be entering the Liars Club Contest.

You almost had me going there Doc . . . then I remembered that marriage proposal [}]

[:X]Mrs

 

[IPD_Mrs]

Originally posted by karlkuehn

Hey, incidentally, how big's a paragraph, anyways? See, for me it's like going to a party and saying I'm going to limit myself to four drinks.

Unless someone sets a standard for what's an acceptable sized glass...

*holds up his favorite party trough*

Savvy? []

Boy this is a GREAT question ... I once turned in a 34 page paper while in college .. the proffesor then told me if I ever turned in something that OVERDONE again he would deduct a letter grade. Mind you there was nothing in the assignment that gave any length requirements or restrictions. He said he wanted no more than 12 pages when I pointed that out to him.

[:X] Mrs

 

[maxwell_smart007]

48 is my record! The title took up about half of that though!

"An analysis of Gallic Romanization based on an analysis of Roman art and artefacts in Post-Claudian Brittanica"

 

[edman2]

Oh, shoot!! When I heard about the liar's club contest, even though I don't have much practice at it, I put together this wonderful, heat warming tale, only to discover when the rules came out that it had to be about pens or penturning. One good story down the drain![xx(][xx(] Ok, (sigh) back to the drawing boards.

 

[Woodlvr]

Could you please translate this to ENGLISH?[}][)]


"An analysis of Gallic Romanization based on an analysis of Roman art and artefacts in Post-Claudian Brittanica"

Thank you.

Mike[8D]

 

[MDWine]

I am far too good looking, thin and trim, and too excellent a craftsman to engage in such activity!


(How's THAT for a whopper?)

 

[DocStram]

Originally posted by MDWine

I am far too good looking, thin and trim, and too excellent a craftsman to engage in such activity!


(How's THAT for a whopper?)

MD? We'll be looking forward to your entry.

 

[DocStram]

Originally posted by MLKWoodWorking

Originally posted by karlkuehn

Hey, incidentally, how big's a paragraph, anyways? See, for me it's like going to a party and saying I'm going to limit myself to four drinks.

Unless someone sets a standard for what's an acceptable sized glass...

*holds up his favorite party trough*

Savvy? []

Boy this is a GREAT question ... I once turned in a 34 page paper while in college .. the proffesor then told me if I ever turned in something that OVERDONE again he would deduct a letter grade. Mind you there was nothing in the assignment that gave any length requirements or restrictions. He said he wanted no more than 12 pages when I pointed that out to him.

[:X] Mrs

I'm going to give you a free pass for that professor with 2 f's thing. I'm not even going to make a crack about checking my Prentice Hall Handbook for Writers.

With 30 years of experience of reading student papers, I have developed a sort of a "short hand grading system" for those 34 pagers. I read two paragraphs ... the first and the last. Then I slap on a grade.
Let's hope none of my students reads this ... ummmm kidding, of course. (Sort of)

 

[ericw95]

A friend of a friend just wrote a 100 page paper for an International Marketing class. He is going to the same school that I just enrolled in to work on a Master of Science in Project Management. The school is writing intensive and follows APA in most curriculm except the MS in PM and a few others. I will have to use APA for the capstone in 3 years.

Al(l) - when I finish my degree, I'll be an MP3 (Master of Project Management and I already hold my Project Managment Professional certification; MPM + PMP = MP3

 

[great12b4ever]

Oh this is such an easy contest. In fact it is so easy that I will even post my winning entry here and now for everyone to see, and then they won't have to bother to enter!! Anyway here goes-

While I was turning my latest pen masterpiece on my lathe, I thought of all the posts that have been made by Ed4copies, Mudder, DocStram, Cav, and MLKwoodworking, and I realized how fortunate I was to have all this knowledge and truth. I now state that I BELIEVE EVERYTHING THEY POST!!

Rob

See I told you I had the winner!!

 

[DocStram]

Originally posted by great12b4ever

Oh this is such an easy contest. In fact it is so easy that I will even post my winning entry here and now for everyone to see, and then they won't have to bother to enter!! Anyway here goes-

While I was turning my latest pen masterpiece on my lathe, I thought of all the posts that have been made by Ed4copies, Mudder, DocStram, Cav, and MLKwoodworking, and I realized how fortunate I was to have all this knowledge and truth. I now state that I BELIEVE EVERYTHING THEY POST!!

Rob

See I told you I had the winner!!

I totally agree Rob! I don't know why Ed4copies, Mudder, Cav, and MLK are always telling those ridiculously wild tales. I wish they would just stop. So, like, why is my name being dragged through the mud? [:0]

 

[IPD_Mrs]

Originally posted by DocStram

Originally posted by MLKWoodWorking

Originally posted by karlkuehn

Hey, incidentally, how big's a paragraph, anyways? See, for me it's like going to a party and saying I'm going to limit myself to four drinks.

Unless someone sets a standard for what's an acceptable sized glass...

*holds up his favorite party trough*

Savvy? []

Boy this is a GREAT question ... I once turned in a 34 page paper while in college .. the proffesor then told me if I ever turned in something that OVERDONE again he would deduct a letter grade. Mind you there was nothing in the assignment that gave any length requirements or restrictions. He said he wanted no more than 12 pages when I pointed that out to him.

[:X] Mrs

I'm going to give you a free pass for that professor with 2 f's thing. I'm not even going to make a crack about checking my Prentice Hall Handbook for Writers.

With 30 years of experience of reading student papers, I have developed a sort of a "short hand grading system" for those 34 pagers. I read two paragraphs ... the first and the last. Then I slap on a grade.
Let's hope none of my students reads this ... ummmm kidding, of course. (Sort of)

Thanks Doc,

Considering I wrote that after 12am on a Sunday, when I hadn't been to bed before 3 am all weekend - I think I'm probably darned lucky if that is the dumbest thing I did! Michael just read it to me and I couldn't even believe I spelled Professor that way . . . made him find me the original post so I could see it for my own eyes [xx(]. Guess the Mr. is going to have to let me get some sleep tonight [}]

Now I'll just have to be nice to you at least one more time to make up for the freebies [:X]

Mrs. - who may have to set a rule and not write after midnight - party yes write no [}]

 

[maxwell_smart007]

Originally posted by Woodlvr

Could you please translate this to ENGLISH?[}][)]


"An analysis of Gallic Romanization based on an analysis of Roman art and artefacts in Post-Claudian Brittanica"

Thank you.

Mike[8D]

Sure - "Looking at pins and combs in Scotland from the time after the Romans left"

Sounds even MORE exciting now, doesn't it!

 

[Scott]

What a great contest this is! And with so many potential winners! Based on a reading of the posts here over the past four years, we should have THOUSANDS of qualified entrants! And if you consider how often some of these fine members post, there are MILLIONS of examples of the craft here at IAP! Lets see, was that "craft" or "crap"? Whatever! Get your entry ready, there are some fine prizes allocated to this contest! And to make you feel better, I'm not entering, so it really will be a CONTEST! [8D]

Scott.

 

[ed4copies]

Originally posted by maxwell_smart007

Originally posted by Woodlvr

Could you please translate this to ENGLISH?[}][)]


"An analysis of Gallic Romanization based on an analysis of Roman art and artefacts in Post-Claudian Brittanica"

Thank you.

Mike[8D]

Sure - "Looking at pins and combs in Scotland from the time after the Romans left"

Sounds even MORE exciting now, doesn't it!

Or, summed up:

Diggin' Deep in a pile of Sheep stuff!

 

[Woodlvr]

Ed,
Now it really makes sense. Thank you. I do not have a dictionary big enough to translate Mikes(MLK) posts.

Mike

 

[Ozzy]

I had to enter this contest. This is a chance for me to use my PHD in Bovine Excrement.

 

[melogic]

Only <s>9 ,</s> <s>10,</s> 12 entries so far!!!! [V][V][V]

Come on people it is time to get the juices flowing and get those tall tales to us. There are 3 prizes and so far the odds are very, very good! Make sure all entries are in by 7:00pm Sunday January 20th. [][8D][][}][^]