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View Poll Results: Which pen do you believe would be the most difficult to write with?
Electrifying Experience 9 8.57%
A Nail in the Hand* 18 17.14%
The Three in One Special 1 0.95%
Convertible Post Driver / Ball Point Pen 7 6.67%
Fountain of Bowlage 37 35.24%
Eyes on You - Sweet Cherry Burl 7 6.67%
Lucille 1 0.95%
Check-mate 4 3.81%
This pen IS mightier than the sword 15 14.29%
Hillbilly Fencepost Pen 6 5.71%
Voters: 105. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 02-18-2018, 12:09 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Hillbilly Fencepost Pen

Submitted by Talltim:

Fer folks that don’t git yur point.

The purfect pen fer folks that kannot git yur point. The dee-lux Hillbilly fencepost pen is kenstucted frum a pertiful 2x4 and covered in four point barb wire.**Dee kind fer keeping em kows in the barn. Even if thur dumb as durt, It won’t take em long.**They wil git yur point.**The refill is de best Bic at wallymart.**Fer eazy changing de refull sticks out de top.**Just hit hur hard on de table top.***She’ll pop right out like a piglet out of a sow.**Now if they still ain’t able to git yur point, de rest of de 2x 4 kan be had fer just one dolar more.

PS. Grate pen when yur cusstomers need to fil out dem complaint forms as wel.**Two bandaids inclooded at no exter charge.
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Old 02-18-2018, 04:45 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default This pen IS mightier than the sword

Entered by Ottotroll:

"I love machined parts, and came upon the de-milled M-1 Garand in pieces. Realizing the calibre was close to the .375” of this pen kit, I decided to drill it out on a metal lathe and make a pen - leaving the gas tube longer than the barrel."
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Old 02-18-2018, 04:46 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Eyes on You - Sweet Cherry Burl

Submited by GlensPens:

What we have here is a sweet Cherry Burl* with some of the best eyes I have seen on any burl in all the*years*I have been*turning. So I just had to make a pen* and show it to the world of*pen turners . The pen uses a cross type refill and I just keep it simple (KISS) with a natural finish (I did not have a gal. of CA)
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Old 02-18-2018, 04:47 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Check-Mate

Submitted by Noot17:

The perfect pen for those who don't have the patience for chess! Made from an oversized slimline, this King is in a perpetual state of being check-mated due to his inability to stand on his own. You can be done with your game of chess as soon as it starts, and then you can avoid writing home about your failing chess career. His wide base makes for a difficult grip, and obscures the nib. Useless as a pen, useless as a chess piece, there's not much hope for this King.
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Old 02-18-2018, 04:48 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default A Nail in the Hand

Submitted by Burlman:

The Maple Burl of this hideous piece of craftsmanship was my first and last attempt at making an eccentric turned vase. *It's been hanging around in my shop for about 20 years. *I finally figured out what it may be good for. *The pen is a Long Clicker, with the clip reversed on the finial. * I started off using the indexing function on my lathe to drill the holes for the nails, but quickly decided to heck with that. *I did have to grind the heads off of the finishing nails. *Roughly 50 nails used for your gripping pleasure. * Submitting this bilious piece of art to the Pen Makers Guild for consideration for membership in that organization. *I'm sure it will be a shoe in.
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Old 02-18-2018, 04:49 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Convertible Post Driver / Ball Point Pen

Submitted by Edgar:

I never seem to have a pen with me when I’m building fences in the back 40 and need to jot down some notes. For some strange reason, my wife, kids or co-workers confiscate my pens as fast as I can make them. Well, I finally figured out a way to kill two birds with one stone - I’ve had this he-man’s steel post driver for a while, so I decided to make a convertible Post Driver / Ball Point Pen. This way I’ll always have a pen with me when I’m building fences and I’m pretty sure that no one will want to walk off with this one.

This post driver really separates the men from the boys. It’s made from a 40-inch long piece of pipe welded to a 1-inch thick steel plate. It weighs over 40 pounds and will sink a steel post into just about any kind of soil with a single blow (if you’re able to hoist it up over the post in the first place). It is possible to write with it when converted to pen mode, but few would want to.
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Old 02-18-2018, 04:51 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Fountain of Bowlage

Submitted by Brian G:


Tuesday*League Night at “Split and Spare Lanes” was the talk of town lately.* Seems that Olaf Rollandson, team captain and principal kvetcher of team “Ole Rollers” had a bit of a meltdown.* Ole spotted a misalignment in the pin setting, so he pushed the “rerack” button.* Well, that caused the electronic scoring system to think he guttered out, and tagged him with a “0” in the 9th frame, after 8 straight “Xes”.* “That unravels my lefse!” he thundered.* “I’m fixin’ to pitch a fit if we can’t get this settled,” he shouted.* “Now Ole,” cautioned Lars “Three Finger” Henderanderswanson, “settle a bit. . we is bowlin’, not horse shoein’, so there’s no need to be pitchin’ nothin’.”* That caused Sven Oobles to muse, “these new fangled scorin’ systems just ain’t the same.* Folks now just rack ‘em and crack ‘em, don’t even have to know how to score a line or add ‘em up for a series score.* Probably have to use their fancy phones to do that.”* “Got that right,” Ole harped.* “Try to tell them somethin’ and they just cast aspersions in your general direction.”* “Now Ole,” Three Fingers interjected, “we ain’t fishin’ so no sense wastin’ time castin’ nothin’ what can’t be cast.”* Sven regaled the group with how, in his day, they used to use pencils and paper sheets to keep score.* Of course, Ole couldn’t let that pass and one-upped with the remark that real scorers used a pen and not a pencil.* That got the boys to thinking that to show up the modern crowd, they’d come up with a pen that only the heartiest of bowlers could use.* Sven donated an old ball of his (“twern’t no good no how, has a split right down the middle and keeps leavin’ 7 and 10 huggin’ the corners”). Lars dug deep into the abyss of his desk and found a fountain pen section, and Ole commenced to drilling and tapping hole.* “Three Fingers” volunteered to be permanent scorer, on account of his “Popeye” like forearms and manual dexterity of his rolling hand.* “RACK ‘EM and CRACK ‘EM Boys!” he shouted, “we’re back in business.”
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Old 02-18-2018, 04:51 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Electrifying Experience

Submitted by allmaclean:

Fiendishly evil and diabolical. Picking up the pen and moving it into position to write, completes a circuit from the enclosed capacitor, causing the arm and fingers to spasm, colorful language to ensue, and the pen to fly across the room. Provides for hours of amusement. The pen comes with a solar panel to charge the capacitor, making it environmentally friendly. It can likely also be used as a defibrillator, although that has not been confirmed by the FDA.
The design hearkens back to science and electronics classes, where, one would fold back the legs of a charged capacitor and throw it to an unsuspecting victim. Do these things still happen?
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Old 02-18-2018, 04:53 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Lucille

Submitted by mrgator

Well it turns out that the main reason Negan is the way that he is, is because he lost his favorite pen.* One day while traveling between the hilltop colony and the sanctuary, Negan stumbled across a wood working shop and created this beauty.* Obviously it's been used for more than just signing paychecks for his loyal staff.
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Old 02-18-2018, 04:54 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default The Three in One Special

Submitted by Burlman:

Full credit where credit is due. Imitation being the best form of flattery, my inspiration for this pen came from Edgar.

Not only do most of us make pens, we are also in the pen selling business, and we regularly use pop tents and credit card readers when selling to customers.** This beauty is the essential piece of equipment all serious pen vendors need in their toolbox inventory. It triples as a pen, a stylus, and a tent weight. What more can you ask for?
While not quite the 40 pounds of a previous entry it weighs in at a respectable 28 pounds, far exceeding the paltry 16 lbs of the other “heavyweight” entry. Or maybe that should read bantamweight?

While designed for two hand use, it can be used one handed by the bravest of souls. Of course, those who are in the habit of continually flapping their jaws (in either written or oral form) could just clamp on to the eye bolt with their teeth when using the sylus.** Patent pending. Once approved Majic Bob has expressed interest in selling these. *Or was that Ed and Dawn? * PSI maybe?
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