Difficult to Write with Contest

[mredburn]

The Difficult To Write With Pen Contest
​

I have been asked to host a new contest this year. This contest was inspired by a post made by Mack C., which can be found here.

This is not a serious contest, although in many ways it may resemble one. It is a contest for serious penturners to make a not so serious pen. Dont be posting any masterpieces here. There are other, more boring contests for those. This is a fun contest that encourages a little out of the box or lose touch with reality thinking. This contest involves showing really strange looking things that are functional, yet difficult to actually use, pens so that we can all make rude comments to each other about them! And with that, the rules:

Please review the Universal Contest Rules.

1) Your entry must be a functional pen, i.e. if you were able to actually hold it, it would write.

2) You may submit up to two entries, although I can't imagine why you would want to admit being responsible for even one of these things, yet alone two!

3) Entries are submitted by email to difficulttowritewith@gmail.com .

A name for the pen and a story about how your wretched piece of uselessness came to be and one (1) photo is required. Your entry must include your screen name, your real name and your mailing address. This is only for the purpose of awarding prizes. I will not post any identifying information here besides your screen name so everyone will know that YOU are responsible for a specific pen. Personally I really could not care less where you live but we need to know so we can ship you a prize if you win. We do not want to hunt for you if you win a prize!

4) Entries will be accepted from Monday the 1st of February until Midnight Eastern time, on Saturday the 13th of February. Winners will determined by member vote.

5) A poll will be posted on Sunday the 14th of February. All of the entered monstrosities will be listed. The polls will remain open for 72 Hours.

6) All entry images and comments become the property of the IAP, to use, or dispose of, as they wish.

7) All entries will be posted by me in this forum. You may notice that this forum is locked, and only I can post entries here. Have patience! I am not that fast.

Need some inspiration? Look at these.

Difficult To Write With Pen Prizes!
First- Box of Blanks hdbblue $125.00 ../..Off set jig kit Joyner $85.00 Second- inlay kits Lazerline $100.00 ../.. Gift Certificate Wood n Whimsies $50.00 Third- Tool from Easy Wood Tools $75.00 ../.. Gift Certificate #1 Woodturningz $25.00

 

[mbroberg]

Paper Wrench

Looks like we are off to a great start!

IAP Username: Skewer
Name of pen: Paper Wrench

I wanted to make a pen that wasn't difficult to physically hold, but was otherwise difficult to get the ink onto the paper. Rather than being able to put 'the pen to the paper,' this pen requires you to put the 'paper to the pen.' The body of the pen extends past the refill, such that it will not write on a flat surface. So you have to contort (bend, crumple, etc) the paper up inside the 'nib' to get it to write. Twisting the corn cob handle retracts the refill. Retracting the refill is kind of useless, but i guess you can consider it as adjusting the difficulty level. The pen stands a bit over 8 inches tall.

Materials - Maple, Corn cob (Stabilized blue), scrap wood, slimline guts.

 

[mbroberg]

Little John

IAP Username: jojomcdugal
Name of Pen: Little John

I wanted to make something that while being difficult to write it with could still be a bit useful. I think that goal was achieved as when it was brought in from the shop my daughter instantly wanted it stating she knew several people she could throw it at so they would quit bothering her. You could 'open carry' this side kick at work and not worry about annoying coworkers ever again.

 

[mbroberg]

Pickaxe Pen

IAP Username: southernclay
Name of Pen: Pickaxe Pen

This pickaxe pen is an exact replica of the one and only model ever discovered at The Homestake Mine in the Black Hills of South Dakota during the richest strike in the state. History shows us the mine previously belonged to brothers Eustace and Jesup who were the owner's of the defunct Oliver Claim. The brothers were well known to be very clever but also slightly mad and it is believed that one of them fashioned the tool to serve as a mining tool as well as a way to keep in touch with loved ones…..which were few. Unfortunately the Oliver Claim failed when the brothers both formed a fear of shiny objects and instead went wondering into the wilderness with "burl fever". Little has been known about this amazing tool until now and I'm proud to have been on the Presidentially appointed team responsible for the research as well as recreation.

 

[mbroberg]

Magnum Sierra

IAP Username: Edohmann
Name of Pen: Magnum Sierra

Since a 1.5 liter bottle of wine is called a magnum, I decided to make a pen that would not only be difficult to write with, but would also be a difficult projectile to fire. Unless you have the hands of an NBA player, you pretty much need to hold this thing with both hands in order to write with it. I have no idea how you would load it into a rifle.
This is a closed-end Sierra pen with a 3-pound blank that started out as 16" long by 5" diameter camphor log. I shaped it into a Bordeaux-style magnum wine bottle with the front end of a chrome Sierra kit serving as a pour spout. The Sierra front end can be twisted in the normal manner to extend and retract the refill. The bottle is just over 4" in diameter and is 14" tall (without the Sierra topper).
There are no standards for magnum wine bottles, but the Bordeaux-style is commonly used. Bordeaux bottles are characterized by their long, straight sides, sharp shoulders and short neck. They are generally about 4" in diameter and 13-14" tall with a slight taper at the bottom and a shallow punt (concave recess in the bottom). I used the dimensions of the Gino Pinto 1.5 liter Bordeaux-style bottle as a guide. The actual diameter of my bottle is 4.3" because I wanted to preserve that bit of bark wood that you see on the front of the bottle as a natural "label".

 

[mbroberg]

Bloomin Awkward

IAP Username: Bob Wemm
Name of Pen: Bloomin Awkward

This pen is made from a piece of "Minni Ritchie" Acacia which grows in the very dry areas of Australia. A piece of this wood followed me home one day and I have been wondering what to do with it ever since. The red bark peels off like tiny ribbons and I wanted to take advantage of this. This is a crotch section.

 

[mbroberg]

Making Music

IAP Username: SMJ1957
Name of Pen: Making Music

My original idea was to insert a pen into the end pin of an upright bass that I recently repaired. Since I couldn't get a decent picture of the bass I switched to the guitar.


[FONT=verdana, geneva, lucida, lucida grande, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]It is useless as a writing instrument, but it actually makes some good music!
[/FONT]

 

[mbroberg]

Brrrr

IAP Username: alankulwicki7
Name of Pen: Brrrr


Many people wear bright colored clothing because they are looking to draw attention to themselves. This neon yellow pen will really make people look your way when you sign your checks or mortgage papers. But that's where the fun stops. This is not just an ordinary bright colored pen.

Why you ask? The answer is two-fold.

You see, this pen is filled with liquid and must be kept in the freezer. This means that your hand will get cold (and possibly frost bitten

) when you are using the pen. No big deal, you say. I'll just wear gloves. Ahh, that's where the the second part of being difficult to write with comes into play. When you use the pen, the ice starts to melt and turns to slush. Once the pen gets too slushy, the ink cartridge and pen tube no longer have any support inside the pen body. That means the pen nib will jump move erratically when moved across the paper making once legible letters and words look like chicken scratch.

This pen is the truly The World's Most Difficult to Write With!

 

[mbroberg]

PokeYouPine Power Pen

IAP Username: Brian G
Name of Pen: PokeYouPine Power Pen

I have a coworker who has a bad habit of being ill-prepared for every meeting; he's always lacking paper, and most often, something to use to write on the paper he frequently lacks. One day he asked me, for about the hundredth day in a row, "I gotta' write this down, can you borrow me your pen and some paper?" After silently screaming, "LEND! THE PROPER WORD IS LEND!" I handed him my daily carry pen. He looked it over, remarked how nice it was, and asked where I got it. When I told him I made it, he looked at me suspiciously and remarked, "No way, you bought it somewhere. I doubt somebody like you could make something like this." I assured him that I did make it, and said, "I make my own pens so that I never have to ask someone to 'borrow me your pen,' and I'd be happy to 'learn' you how to make them so that you wouldn't either. He snorted, "pffft, it's just a pen, you don't have to be a prick about it. A seed was planted.
That weekend, after a hearty lunch of lefse, lutefisk, and Leinenkugel's, I headed out to the Greater Polyclay Forest (it's down Hanson Hollow, turn left where the old Lutheran church used to be at the corner of Laaksenon and Olafson, back when the church burned down twenny/tirdy years ago, don'cha know?). In that Greater Polyclay Forest, in a secret location few know, sits the spectacular PokeYouPine tree. I snagged a seed pod, well….actually, it snagged me.

There's very little lathe work involved with something like this. Handling one of the seedpods is difficult. You may notice, just like its namesake the Porcupine, the polyclay dermal layer can (and did!) leave needle –sharp quills embedded in the flesh of the user. Even if you managed to gingerly hold it, you'll still have to depress the pepper-grinder like clicker (a feature of the Power Pen), which sports a spike of its own.

I don't think my co-worker will ask to borrow it, but if he does, I'll point out the handy clip and let him keep it.

 

[mbroberg]

Push Pin Horrors

IAP Username: Chuck Key
Name of Pen: Push Pin Pen Horrors


This pen uses the sharp end of a push pin to advance the refill however, there is no click mechanism to hold the refill in position. The push pin must be pushed in at all times while writing. A fairly strong spring was added to make the push pin much more difficult to push and hold. There are probably many ways to hold the pen in your hand while also holding the push pin. Lets face it, no matter how it is held, writing will be difficult and a bloody mess if used properly.

 

[mbroberg]

Articulating Knuckle Masher

IAP Username: Twist-Ed
Name of Pen: Articulating Knuckle Masher

A modified walnut slimline with an mid-mounted universal joint.
The unit is topped with the "Sphere of Agony", an oak ball impregnated with needle sharp barbs
While writing with the AKM (Articulating Knuckle Masher) one must maintain perfect balance, there can be no erratic or jerky motions. Failure to respect the laws of the AKM, or gravity will trigger the plunge of the SOA (Sphere of Agony) and a blood fest will be initiated.

 

[mbroberg]

The Big Guy

IAP Username: JohnU
Name of Pen: The Big Guy

As pen makers I'm guessing we all share a common problem. Everyone wants a pen! As I make them I realize I don't really own many. Friends at work walk off with them, family members borrow them and never return them, other times I think they grow legs and walk off. Even my youngest son "borrows" them. As pens disappear I get the feeling I'm not getting a true answer from anyone. I find them hidden in drawers, buried in purses, and stashed in coat pockets. My solution, a collaboration of ball point cigar pen parts, a large tube and some left over parts from other projects, standing 5 feet tall and 10 inches in diameter..... The Big Guy! and with it comes the test... sort of like the sword in the stone... Anyone that can sneak off with it and hide it can keep it! Someone is already trying... as you can see in the picture...It truly is difficult to write with

 

[mbroberg]

Catch and Hopefully Release

IAP Username: rholiday
Name of Pen: Catch and Hopefully Release


I was sitting at the kitchen table, casting about for ideas for this contest. I had been floundering around for hours and had already discarded a boatload of crappie ideas. I happened to gaze upon the Bass Pro Shops flyer and a ray of an idea swam into focus. Some of these fishing lures sorta looked like pens -- I was hooked! So I skated off to Cabelas - they were closer and the Bass sale didn't start until the 12th. There I found a cornucopia of barbed beauties. I chose three of the Sebile Starshiner lures. From each lure I salvaged the three treble hooks, giving the pen a total of 27 sharp points to adorn the slimline body. The wood used for the pen is bloodwood, it seemed appropriate.

 

[mbroberg]

Security Pen

IAP Username: rholiday
Name of Pen: Security Pen


This pen is based on the pens one would find, back a few years, at banks. You know, the ones with the beaded chains that kept the pens anchored to the counters. Well, that concept has been updated. This 7 foot 8.75 inch slimline of ebonized poplar has a couple of features that make writing a bit of a challenge. The first feature is its overall size -- it tends to make it a bit unwieldy and a hazard to nearby patrons. It is also longer than the javelin women use in international competition. The second feature is the weight of the chain hanging from the finial. That weight hanging that far back from your hand, increases the amount of force that your fingers must apply in a downward direction to keep the point on the paper. 47 pounds would be needed where your fingers grip the pen to counter balance the weight of the chain hanging off the back end. That could be a bit tiring.
(Didn't have anything big enough to use as a light tent, so I used my garage door as a backdrop.)

 

[mbroberg]

Dog Bone Pen

IAP Username: Skeleton2014
Name of Pen: Dog Bone Pen

Story of this pen: Wanted to create a pen that no one, and I mean no one could lay their filthy paws on (no pun intended) and pilfer, steal, borrow, whatever. The problem is (see second picture), and this is what makes it difficult to write with, the dog won't let me have my own pen! Don't be deceived by her seemingly small stature or docile demeanor... that dog has drawn blood on numerous occasions! Thanks for looking.

 

[mbroberg]

Band Saw Pen

IAP Username: alankulwicki7
Name of Pen: Band Saw Pen

This pen came about when I broke my band saw blade cutting some spalted Maple into pen blanks. Since this band saw blade and the spalted Maple didn't seem to get along I thought I would show them that they CAN get along. Here are the results: a slimline with spalted Maple and 3 sections of band saw blade. The pen has a smooth CA (not that you could ever feel the finish without cutting yourself on the sharp band saw blades).

 

[mbroberg]

Pinocchio

IAP username: John Smith
Name of Pen: Pinocchio

One day I created a very special Slimline Pen. It was a magical pen. I could always write the best stories with it. One day I dropped it. And everything changed. Everytime I wrote a lie with it, the pen would grow. And grow. And grow. So far it has grown to 26 inches long and 2.75 inches in diameter.


I am wondering how big it will grow by next year


Pen is photo'd next to a standard slimline for comparison.


Thanks for looking and hope you like it enough to vote for me

 

[mbroberg]

Thundering Thornation

IAP Username: Curly
Name of Pen: Thundering Thornation

Thundering Thornation!!! came into being when I was looking at roses in a forest shop. It is getting close to Valentines day after all. Roses protect themselves from picking fingers with pokey little thorns, so what better way to make a pen difficult to write with than to adorn the pen with those nasty rose thorns. There is no clip on this El Grande fountain pen because a real writer will just slap it against their chest and let the thorns stick into the chest and hang there.

 

[mbroberg]

Jailbreak

IAP Username: pkweiss
Name of Pen: Jailbreak

The name of this pen is called jailbreak. No real inspiration, just came to me. About 18" tall an covered in barbed wire.

 

[mbroberg]

Paper Trap

IAP Username: THarvey
Name of Pen: Paper Trap

Build a better pen and the world will be a path to your door (to paraphrase Emerson). Writing with this beauty should be a snap, hopefully not. Just to make things a little more challenging, it's a dip pen. Make those difficult to write letters a "snap" with this snappy and sharp writing instrument.