2015 Ugly Pen Contest!

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Scott

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The Ugly Pen Contest Begins on February 2, 2015

Welcome to the Ugly Pen Contest! My name is Scott Greaves, and I am in charge of this contest. If you have any question or comment about this contest, please either send me a message through the IAP site, or an E-Mail at ugly@penturners.org.

This is not a serious contest, although in many ways it may resemble one. It is a contest for serious penturners to use to blow off some steam! Reading anything more into it can lead down that dark and dangerous path to madness!

There will be judges, though you won't know who they are; and there will be prizes, though I'm not sure what they might be as of yet (or if anybody would want them)! Foremost, this contest involves showing strange and horrifying things that somewhat resemble pens, so that we can all make rude comments to each other about them! And with that, the rules:

1) Your entry must be a pen, i.e. If you could bring yourself to handle it, it would theoretically write.

2) You may submit up to two entries, although I can't imagine why you would want to admit to making this kind of mistake more than once!

3) Entries are submitted by use of the 2015 IAP Birthday Bash Ugly Pen Contest Entry Form. I prefer that you name your entry, but if you don't I will make up a suitably horrid name. A story about how your wretched piece of ugliness came to be is encouraged. Your entry must include both your screen name and your real name, and your mailing address. This is only for the purpose of awarding prizes. I will not post any identifying information here besides your screen name. Don't make us come hunting for you!

4) Entries will be accepted from Monday the 2nd of February until Midnight (The Witching Hour) Eastern time on Monday the 9th of February. Winners will then be posted on the 11th of February. The judge's decision will be final!

5) Prizes will be awarded in three categories:

a) Worst looking normal pen. This is the category for those who tried to make a nice pen, but it turned out ugly!

b) Most frilly pen. This is for those of you who want to be flamboyant with their pens. I want to see some pens that are seriously decorated up!

c) Just Butt Ugly Pen. This is kind of the all-encompassing category for the entry that is truly just the ugliest around!

Note that there is no category for disgusting pens this year. If a pen is submitted for entry that is unfit for a family oriented site, it will be refused.

6) A single entry may win more than one prize, in other words, winning in one category does not disqualify the entry from winning in another category.

7) All entry images and comments become the property of the IAP, to use, or dispose of, as they wish. Yes, blackmail a few years from now is a definite possibility!

8) All entries will be posted by me in this forum. You may notice that this forum is locked, and only I can post entries here. Have patience! I am not that fast.

9) In addition to all the excitement of a wonderful Ugly Pen Contest, we are also running an astonishing side contest some of you might remember, called the Trash Talking Contest! It is simply a place to comment on all the Ugly Pen Contest entries, and the best comment wins a prize! So follow the link below to the Trash Talking Contest, and fill it up with your best comments. There is no limit, and the primary rule is not to be too overtly offensive, profane or disgusting. Remember, this is a family site! Extra consideration will be given to inventive and funny comments. Now go to it!

Now, lets start seeing some entries!

2015 IAP Birthday Bash Ugly Pen Contest Entry Form

The 2015 IAP Birthday Bash Trash Talking Contest
 
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Scott

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Wow! The Fantastic Ugly Pen Contest has been active all day today, and nobody has entered yet! Come on everybody! Let's see some UGLY! Notice the new category for Frilly Pens this year! And I KNOW we have all made some Ugly Pens!

As soon as the first entry is posted, I will activate the Trash Talking forum, so we can get those juicy comments flowing. I LOVE Ugly Pen season!

Scott.
 

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Acryliminum

IAP Username: Cwalker935
Name of pen: Acryliminum
Tell us about your entry: While truly horrid at first glance, the true repulsiveness of Acryliminun can only be appreciated upon closer inspection. Note the lack of any style or symmetry in the overall shape of the pen, the crudeness of the cap threading, and how the hole in the cap is not centered. How could any member of the IAP exhibit such a lack of skill and artistry? Why would anyone put a bock nib on such a hideous creation? How could anyone be this demented and unskilled? The really frightening and sad fact is that this pen was created without any thought or objective of repugnance.
 

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Brasso

IAP Username: Spanx
Name of pen: Brasso
Tell us about your entry: Does this blank make my brass look big?Firast time using one of these blanks.Didn't know it was as transparent as a window.
 

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A Really Bad Fiberglass Job

IAP Username: Sylvanite
Name of pen: A Really Bad Fiberglass Job
Tell us about your entry: I started off resin so old that had begun to gel on its own. Then I added way to much MEKP. I stuck bits of glass cloth haphazardly to the brass tube, applied resin with a popsicle stick, and cured it over an open flame. The blank go so hot that the resin boiled and smoked. Finally, I trimmed the ends and stuck the blank on a mistreated kit that has a broken trim ring (which doesn't show in the pictures) and rust spots on the plating. My wife picked it up once, set it back down immediately, and now refuses to touch the pen at all.
 

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Scott

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#2 Pen

IAP Username: skewer
Name of pen: #2 Pen
Tell us about your entry: So this was one of my early pens i made...It is Burmese blackwood with a poor streaky matte finish. It is dark brown with streaks of lighter brown and almost yellow is some places in between. A couple days after i made it, I realized what i didn't like about it...aside from being uncomfortable to hold...It looked like a turd.
 

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Maria Filamor-Robinson

IAP Username: akingkubo
Name of pen: Maria Filamor-Robinson
Tell us about your entry: Ok. This is my first pen EVER! Never handle a chisel!, scared to death with that monstrosity you call a lathe! I have no choice but to learn so I can give a real personal gift to my friends that will give tears to eyes. You know? Well, I finally got comfortable using the chisel and actually opened my artistic juices and so I tried on some decent beading, maybe flare the bottom a little bit like an umbrella? ('My husband actually forgot to teach me the fine lessons of what "flushed" with the bushings means so VOILA! My First PEN! My husband was even speechless! I hope you all do too and keep your opinions silent!
 

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The Bully Executive

IAP Username: Burlman
Name of pen: The Bully Executive
Tell us about your entry: I made this beauty in July 2014. This pen is made from a Pizzle, aka Bully Stick, aka processed bull penis. This pen is the seventh (and last one) of these I intend to make. I made the first one on a lark. Have no idea why I continued to make them (I need help??). Working with a Pizzle is just about as disgusting as working with antler. Stinks like yesterday's business. It is also very fibrous and is difficult to drill out and to turn. I ended up having to use a 7/16" drill before I could get the tube in. I flooded each end with thin CA before turning for stabilization, and as you can see I only turned the ends. I then hand sanded out the rough spots and then slathered it in several coats of thin and medium CA. Invariably, these pens were the first ones people picked up when entering my booth. Their reactions made my day when I told them what they were made of.
 

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IAP Username: edohmann
Name of pen: Glozellenstein
Tell us about your entry: I was searching for some new wood in a remote area of our farm one day and came upon and old shed hidden deep in a wooden area that no one ever knew existed. Inside the shed, I found what appeared to be a laboratory and and old notebook written by my great-grandfather. It turns out that his name was originally Frank N. Dohmannstein and he was from Transylvania. There was something about fleeing from a lynch mob, but the old writing was quite faded. Apparently he hastily fled to the USA, changed his last name and told everyone that he was from Germany. There was also a strange machine & a workbench in the shed. On the workbench was a box of Fruit Loops, some green lipstick, a brassy u-tube, some duct tape, some wine bottle corks, an old Bic pen that still wrote and a few other things. On a whim, I gathered it all together and connected some wires from the strange machine to a pair of electrodes. I turned the crank on the old machine & to my amazement, it actually started up. I cranked the voltage to 100V - the machine started arcing and the old tubes started flickering. I advanced it to 500V - the arcing became more pronounced and the tubes started glowing. Now 1000V and the stuff on the workbench starts to vibrate around. Excitedly, I increase power to 5000V - lights start dimming, the machine is howling and the tubes look like they are aflame. Now 10,000V - the workbench starts moving around the room, everything on it is jumping around, light bulbs in the shed start exploding, but I press on. Now 100,000V -- the machine explodes and everything goes dark. I light a torch, look at the workbench and I see THIS!!!!! (That's my story and I'm sticking to it.)
 

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What Was I Thinking??

IAP Username: lwalper
Name of pen: What Was I Thinking??
Tell us about your entry: This was a first attempt at segmenting. Not sure what the wood is - walnut and cherry perhaps. The knot only got four cuts, but pieces started flying out so the holes got filled with other stuff. Repairs ensued damaging the nib plating, so said I, "A little CA glue will fix that."
 

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Lumpy

IAP Username: 79spitfire
Name of pen: Lumpy
Tell us about your entry: Well it's made from the leftovers from experimenting with Bondo Fiberglass resin. The colors are TAP plastics pigments mixed in. I think they are starting to become sentient, as I came into the shed and it had assembled it self, but only needed some polish to bring out it's inner.... Look... Believe it or not it is somewhat comfortable to write with... The center band is a piece of PR from another project that had failed.
 

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Hunka Hunka Burning Love

IAP Username: mredburn
Name of pen: Hunka Hunka Burning Love
Tell us about your entry: I was rushing, making this pen and it was Hot! In fact it was smokin hot! So hot it burst into flames from the friction polish and almost burnt the shop down.
 

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Erin Go Blah!

IAP Username: Brian G
Name of pen: Erin Go Blah!
Tell us about your entry: All of Ireland would challenge me to a fight for dishonoring Celtic heritage represented by this double eyesore. I deserve a pummeling for this dull, lifeless, effort that not even a fifth of fine Irish whiskey could make look good. Is it the peculiar reverse taper from nib to finial? The How about the two Celtic knots that look like the "X" on eyeballs that cartoonists draw to represent death? Put one here, put one there. No amount of aging and UV light will make this cherry darken, and the bleeding green veneer sandwiching the white oak knots have little contrast. The forlorn component set silently (because it's a quiet clicker) laments its punishment of a lifetime stuck to this dud barrel.
 

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Ugly Zebra

IAP Username: dwilson
Name of pen: Ugly Zebra
Tell us about your entry: My first Slimline with an acrilic blank. Flakeing on one end crack lines filled with ca on the other. Leather washers as oops bands on the top part. The Slimline Stylus tip from another kit was an atempt to save it. It did not.
 

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Gaudy Gras

IAP Username: Sparhawk
Name of pen: Gaudy Gras
Tell us about your entry: Well its Mardi Gras here and I live close to the coast so here it is. Mardi Gras beads with some colorful seashells. Hope this is enough bling for Scott.
 

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Hairy Molar

IAP Username: Sparhawk
Name of pen: Hairy Molar
Tell us about your entry: Thought it was about time to start using some of the leftover parts from antler pens, Waste not want not. Deer hide and upper jaw molars on a cartridge. Mighty sweet don't you think?
 

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Scott Schering

IAP Username: sschering
Name of pen: Scott Schering
Tell us about your entry: This was flop attempt at a modified slimline. The slash cuts in the upper barrel were to thin and uneven. I lost the end cap and had to borrow from another chrome kit so it does not match. To top it off the color just didn't work.. I tried.. I really did. (Note to the game master) This was made for and entered in the 10th bash slimline contest so if that disqualifies it I'm ok with that. Please remove this note if it is allowed to pass on to glory.
 

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The Plumbers Friend

IAP Username: Magicbob
Name of pen: The Plumbers Friend
Tell us about your entry: This was an attempt to make a pen for a plumber friend of mine, but he wouldn't touch it. It is a real plunger and as you can see the pen projects out the end of the handle, it has a slimline transmission.
 

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Scott

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OK! This is all the entries that came in before the deadline last night. Now the judging begins! I hope the poor judges are up for this hideous bunch!

Scott.
 

Scott

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Drum roll please!

Th winners of this years Ugly Pen Contest are as follows:

Worst Looking Normal Pen

1st - dwilson for Ugly Zebra
2nd - Skewer for #2 Pen
3rd - Mredburn for Hunka Hunka Burning Love

Most Frilly Pen

1st - Edohmann for Glozellenstein
2nd - Sparhawk for Gaudy Gras
3rd - Akingkubo for Maria Filamor-Robinson

Just Butt Ugly Pen

1st - Sparhawk for Hairy Molar
2nd - Edohmann for Glozellenstein
3rd - Sylvanite for Really Bad Fiberglass Job

Read 'em and weep!

Scott.
 
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