What ? . No Forum For Jokes ?

[magpens]

Probably 99.9% of IAP members have already heard this one.

But my nearly 99-year-old Dad told it to me on the phone tonight and we had a good laugh.

A couple of indigenous Americans were watching the Pilgrim Fathers disembark a few hundred years ago.

The one says to the other ... "See, I told you so. . We should have built a wall ! "

 

[WriteON]

Pilgrim Fathers

If April showers bring May flowers...what do MayFlowers bring?



you're gonna hate this...............Pilgrims



So... A man walked into bar with a set of jumper cables in his hand. Bartender says I'll serve you but don't start anything.

 

[mark james]

Nope, no special forum for jokes.

We just haven't gotten a round tuit.

 

[magpens]

Nope, no special forum for jokes.

We just haven't gotten a round tuit.

"a round tuit" ... haven't got one yet, eh ? . . When will you ? . . I need one .

I'm told that it should be in every penturner's arsenal !

 

[bsshog40]

I heard a great joke about amnesia once, but I forgot it.

 

[Woodchipper]

I posted a pen once. Does that count?

 

[magpens]

I posted a pen once. Does that count?

Was it a joke ? :biggrin:

 

[Brian G]

What's the best time to go to the dentist?

Two-thirty.

 

[wolf creek knives]

A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a beer. The Bartender walks up to him and says "We don't serve mushrooms here". The mushroom replies "Why not? I'm a fungi"
Sorry old joke but it's about the only one I can post here.

 

[Monty]

A skeleton walks in a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

 

[Monty]

Did you hear about the dwarf fortune teller that escaped from prison? Headline read small medium at large.

 

[Kenny Durrant]

I'm sure everyone's heard of Albert Einstien. He was a genius. He has a brother Frank that's a real monster.

 

[jcm71]

Nope, no special forum for jokes.

We just haven't gotten a round tuit.

"a round tuit" ... haven't got one yet, eh ? . . When will you ? . . I need one .

I'm told that it should be in every penturner's arsenal !

Hey, no fair giving away answers to Edgar's crossword puzzle.

 

[Talltim]

Joke is not original to me.

Did you hear about the woodworker who died when he fell into a vat of varnish?

It was a terrible end, but a beautiful finish.


BTW

His girlfriend had tried out for the job "shellac"ed the talent to do it.

 

[hcpens]

Why does some woodworker use acrylic?

..... Someone has to save the trees.

 

[Curly]

Groaners eh. Okay.

Canadians will get this one. Where do Newfies keep their armies? In their sleevies.

What is the difference between Broccoli and snot. Kids won't eat their Broccoli.

 

[bsshog40]

What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.

 

[StanBrown]

What did the chicken say when he saw an orange in the nest? Look at the orange mama laid.

 

[StanBrown]

Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.

 

[StanBrown]

Did you hear about the 3-legged dog that walked into a bar in Wyoming? The bartender said, "What are you doing here?" The dog replied, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

 

[StanBrown]

Why did the chicken cross the tennis court? The ref was calling fowls.

 

[StanBrown]

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Why did the squirrel cross the road?
He was stapled to the chicken.

 

[More4dan]

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Why did the squirrel cross the road?
He was stapled to the chicken.

I've heard a slightly different version,
Why did the Punk Rocker cross the road?
He was stapled to the chicken.


Sent from my iPad using Penturners.org mobile app

 

[Monty]

Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.

What do you call a dog with no legs?


Doesn't matter, he won't come anyway.

 

[Timber Ripper]

Whats red and smells like blue paint?...........


Red paint!

 

[Timber Ripper]

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the wood turners house.

Knock knock..
Who's there?
The chicken!

 

[Terredax]

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?


The taste. :tongue:

 

[Timber Ripper]

What is sticky and brown?

A stick.

 

[Timber Ripper]

A cannibal came home late to family dinner.

He got the cold shoulder.

 

[Curly]

What's green and red and goes in circles at 500 miles an hour?
Frog in a blender.

What do you get when you add milk and eggs?
Frognog.

 

[Terredax]

What do you call a row of rabbits hopping away?



A receding hare line!

 

[gimpy]

Two guys walked into a bar, the third one ducked

 

[Terredax]

When I heard that oxygen and magnesium got together I was like OMg.





Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?




How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish.

 

[KLJ]

I was told the chicken crossed the road to show the possum it could be done.

 

[mark james]

If you are attacked by a passel of clowns - go for the Juggler.

 

[Curly]

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on him.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way.

 

[wolf creek knives]

There are some great one-liners here. I'm still laughing and my wife thinks I'm an idiot. Maybe she's right? But they're still funny!!!

 

[magpens]

I did not know that starting this thread would produce such a rewarding return on investment !

And I don't mind being thought an idiot by anyone, even my wife ... the laughs are worth it !

I think that we should have a new sub-forum created for just this !

 

[Timber Ripper]

Ok, ok..
Let's just say you're walking down the street and a yellow sailboat goes by, the front left tire is spinning backwards, a banana is this (@#$%%) color. How many pancakes can you fit in a doghouse? True or False

True, there are no bones in ice cream

 

[Timber Ripper]

I did not know that starting this thread would produce such a rewarding return on investment !

And I don't mind being thought an idiot by anyone, even my wife ... the laughs are worth it !

I think that we should have a new sub-forum created for just this !

Mal,

I think the sub-forum has spawned on its own