Wedding Planning Vent

[Cwalker935]

I have two daughters and no sons so I have a long history of losing in family votes and often do not have a clue with regard as to the latest drama. Both of my daughters are one engaged and actively planning weddings. I have unplanned day off from work today due to an imminent snow storm, not a flake in sight yet but work is already cancelled. That's how we roll in Richmond. For those in hardier climes, please don't make fun of us. As a rule, Richmonders simply cannot drive in the snow. Anyway, so here I am trying to enjoy a nice relaxing cup of coffee by the fire and my wife decides that now is the time get my input on all of the minutiae of today's wedding expectations (I have a brief respite since she had to go walk the dog). Now bear in mind, I have repeatedly said that my only concern is keeping a lid on the budget. My idea of a proper wedding is go to the church, get married, have punch and cookies in the reception hall and then everyone go home or in the case of the bride and groom on their honeymoon. I do not care if save the date cards go out, how the wedding invitations look, what the color of bridesmaids dresses will be, etc. I only care about how much this is costing me. I am repeatedly told "you just don't understand." They are right, I don't understand and just want to be left alone. The first wedding is over 10 months away with the second one a year and a half away. My best escape is to go to the garage and turn on every power tool that I can with tripping a circuit. You might want to start a pool on how long it takes before I have to be committed. Sorry for the vent.

 

[campzeke]

Sounds like you need a new power tool to play with.

 

[chartle]

I think you will find this funny and may help you understand.

How to Plan a Wedding in 10 Steps

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBTpRaws5ts

Note the couple in the video were planning their own wedding when they made this.

 

[wood-of-1kind]

venting IS ok. after going through with the same with a recently married daughter I know how "wrapped" up they can get with their BIG DAY. It is a big occasion for your "princess" and mom, go easy on them as it takes a lot of work and planning to do it "right". In the meantime turn a pen and relax a bit.

 

[skiprat]

LMAO !!:biggrin: Your girls and your devious wife want your blood!!. They don't really want your input, just want someone else to blame when the crap hits the fan. :wink: That's also your job.:wink:

On the other hand.....when my lovely daughter decides to tie the knot, I hope to have more input than just the cheque writer. :biggrin:

Good luck.......you're toast, but good luck anyway...:biggrin:

 

[TellicoTurning]

I have two daughters and no sons so I have a long history of losing in family votes and often do not have a clue with regard as to the latest drama. Both of my daughters are one engaged and actively planning weddings. I have unplanned day off from work today due to an imminent snow storm, not a flake in sight yet but work is already cancelled. That's how we roll in Richmond. For those in hardier climes, please don't make fun of us. As a rule, Richmonders simply cannot drive in the snow. Anyway, so here I am trying to enjoy a nice relaxing cup of coffee by the fire and my wife decides that now is the time get my input on all of the minutiae of today's wedding expectations (I have a brief respite since she had to go walk the dog). Now bear in mind, I have repeatedly said that my only concern is keeping a lid on the budget. My idea of a proper wedding is go to the church, get married, have punch and cookies in the reception hall and then everyone go home or in the case of the bride and groom on their honeymoon. I do not care if save the date cards go out, how the wedding invitations look, what the color of bridesmaids dresses will be, etc. I only care about how much this is costing me. I am repeatedly told "you just don't understand." They are right, I don't understand and just want to be left alone. The first wedding is over 10 months away with the second one a year and a half away. My best escape is to go to the garage and turn on every power tool that I can with tripping a circuit. You might want to start a pool on how long it takes before I have to be committed. Sorry for the vent.

Maybe you need to do what a local guy did in my home town... when his daughter graduated from high school, she was engaged (back in the 60's they married early)... when his only daughter started planning her wedding, he said --- Just elope, call me when the deed is done and I'll send you $10,000.... will probably save me money. --- She did and he did.

 

[chartle]

In the meantime turn a pen and relax a bit.

Yes you will need two, a fancy one for the guest register and one with either a really large ink reservoir or a compartment for a spare refill or two for all the checks that need to be signed. :biggrin:

 

[Cwalker935]

Cliff- video was great
Chuck- have made the elope offer
Skip- they only ask my opinion so they can disagree or say "you just don't understand"
Campzeke- a new power tool sounds like a great idea

 

[skiprat]

BTW Cody, the promise of big snow down your side of USA is even making the news here. Wish we had a bit......:frown:

 

[TonyL]

My son is engaged; his fiancé is a beautiful young woman as I am sure your daughters are. It's a big expense. I just thank God or I am just thankful they met nice partners and hope their marriages last their entire, long, healthy lifetimes.

The 10 or even 20K bribe, I mean idea , would be my proposal.

 

[tomtedesco]

Have a drink, smile, and practice saying "Yes Dear". This too shall pass, good luck. Charging windmills doesn't help.

 

[BackyardSmokin]

My wife and I got married a few years ago. Both sets of parents came to use and said, "you are paying for it on your own."

Like you, I did not care about the details just what it cost. For a word of advice, if they want a full wedding, do it on a weekday.

It saved us a lot of money was having it in the middle of the week (we had it on a Tuesday). We invited nearly 150 people but because it was during the week many did not want to take the day off of work, this cut down on the people coming. Also, by having it in the middle of the week the photographer, DJ, cake designer and venue/catering gave us nearly 80% discount. For them it was either make some money or sit home and do nothing. For example, the cake person is a high end artist that charges $2000 as a base price, but because we were mid week we had a custom cake for $300.

We did have to hire a planner given that the wedding destination (the beach) was over 1 hr from where we live and we really did not know the area. However, the planner did save us money in the long run as they thought of venues and ideas the we would not have thought of.

All said a beach wedding and reception (tri-tip/chicken buffet) for 90 people cost us about $6,000.

 

[avbill]

I have gone to more wedding in my day being a wedding photographer. And could tell you stories about the wedding. Just sit back and allow the girls in your family take over! That's the best advise I can give you!

 

[chartle]

Also, by having it in the middle of the week the photographer, DJ, cake designer and venue/catering gave us nearly 80% discount. For them it was either make some money or sit home and do nothing. For example, the cake person is a high end artist that charges $2000 as a base price, but because we were mid week we had a custom cake for $300.

I find it odd that you got such a big discount for the cake. I don't see how delivering a cake on a weekday is different than a weekend.

Yes while everyone else is just sitting home or the hall is sitting empty its not like they are baking or decorating your cake at the reception.

 

[Ed McDonnell]

Also, by having it in the middle of the week the photographer, DJ, cake designer and venue/catering gave us nearly 80% discount. For them it was either make some money or sit home and do nothing. For example, the cake person is a high end artist that charges $2000 as a base price, but because we were mid week we had a custom cake for $300.

I find it odd that you got such a big discount for the cake. I don't see how delivering a cake on a weekday is different than a weekend.

Yes while everyone else is just sitting home or the hall is sitting empty its not like they are baking or decorating your cake at the reception.

Think of it this way:

You have time to make one pen on saturday. 100 people desperately want that pen. They have to have that pen and they only want it on saturday.

You have time to make one pen on tuesday. 1 person is willing to consider buying that pen if the price isn't too high.

I'm guessing you could charge a lot more for that pen on saturday than you could for the one on tuesday.

Ed

 

[Drewboy22]

First and foremost - Good Luck!!

Secondly - Thank you, I had to look up "minutiae". And now I know 1 more word

 

[chartle]

Also, by having it in the middle of the week the photographer, DJ, cake designer and venue/catering gave us nearly 80% discount. For them it was either make some money or sit home and do nothing. For example, the cake person is a high end artist that charges $2000 as a base price, but because we were mid week we had a custom cake for $300.

I find it odd that you got such a big discount for the cake. I don't see how delivering a cake on a weekday is different than a weekend.

Yes while everyone else is just sitting home or the hall is sitting empty its not like they are baking or decorating your cake at the reception.

Think of it this way:

You have time to make one pen on saturday. 100 people desperately want that pen. They have to have that pen and they only want it on saturday.

You have time to make one pen on tuesday. 1 person is willing to consider buying that pen if the price isn't too high.

I'm guessing you could charge a lot more for that pen on saturday than you could for the one on tuesday.

Ed

I think the point was they are not making your cake on saturday for saturday they are making your cake throughout the week and having it finished by friday. Yes cakes are perishable but they have tricks for that. :wink:

In fact for a week day wedding they are starting your cake on the weekend.

The only savings is that you are delivering it during a slow period of the week.

Just thought it was odd that it would be that huge of a discount. Maybe it helps spread out the work over the week so you are not just decorating near the end of the week.

 

[stonepecker]

You have said nothing about the Grooms. What do they feel? After all, it is their day also.
Hope that you get along with them.

 

[epigolucky]

Having come from the perspective of having to pay for our own wedding. We did a "semi"-elopement. Told the parents, siblings, and close friends. Parents and one brother made it - Kona on 3 months notice can be difficult. Threw a decent size get together (no tuxes or anything) when we got back for the family. I wouldn't have done it any other way. 10 months is still plenty of time to change minds for a destination wedding

Hope you can make some shavings and de-stress a bit.

 

[Cwalker935]

You have said nothing about the Grooms. What do they feel? After all, it is their day also.
Hope that you get along with them.

I like them both. They both have more interest in the wedding planning than I had, I just needed to know where and when to show up. Maybe it's a generational thing, younger guys today seem to be more in touch with their emotional side than I am particularly at that age. Maybe they are healthier. My only complaint is that neither have an interest in turning or woodworking. Both represent step ups from earlier boy friends, I had almost given up hope.

 

[mecompco]

I am right there in the same boat with you. My daughter is getting married at the end of August and that is pretty much all I've heard about for the last six months. Of course, we'll end up paying for much of it. Rehearsal dinner, outdoor wedding, reception, yadda, yadda, yadda. Why not keep it simple? Nope, can't do that. Sigh!

Regards,
Michael

 

[Cwalker935]

I am right there in the same boat with you. My daughter is getting married at the end of August and that is pretty much all I've heard about for the last six months. Of course, we'll end up paying for much of it. Rehearsal dinner, outdoor wedding, reception, yadda, yadda, yadda. Why not keep it simple? Nope, can't do that. Sigh!

Regards,
Michael

I guess misery loves company, good luck.

 

[Sandsini]

Count your blessings my friend. I went through a divorce 12 years ago when my lovely, talented daughter was 20 years old. She was quite upset with me and completely cut me out of her life with no communication for the past 12 years.

Aside from missing her desperately, I was worried that one day she would marry and I wouldn't be there to see it. I would have gladly paid for everything just to be there to see her take that step in her life and get to know her husband.

Fortunately for me, she is still single (which makes me a little sad as well) and I haven't missed that milestone. However, I am happy to report that we reconnected about 2 weeks ago, and are working though the hurt and the issues we have. I am on top of the world to find out what a wonderful young woman she has become and so very happy to start this new phase in our relationship.

Picking out invitations and working out expenses is a piece of cake. Be glad you have that and appreciate these few months and/or years before they leave your home and focus on their own lives and families. Its a joyful time for them, be glad you are there to experience it.

Congratulations!
Eric

 

[maxwell_smart007]

It's been way too cold to snow here for a while - I'm envious! I love it when the snow's above the top of my snowblower!

 

[Bikerdad]

Maybe they are healthier. My only complaint is that neither have an interest in turning or woodworking.

Am I the only one who sees the inherent contradiction in those two statements? :biggrin:

 

[moke]

In 2013 I photographed my last wedding. It was number 1500 for me. I am too young to retire, so I still have my studio, I just don't do weddings any more. From my perspective, I think you must give them a budget, particularly if you have more than one daughter.....and having them so close together. I have seen many times where parents have two or more daughters get married in one year and have taken a second mortgage on their homes. Now make no mistake the budget must be reasonable, otherwise you will loose many arguments.
Just remember, brides are often referred to as bride-zilla's.....reasonable and the term "bride" are most often not compatible!!!!
Good Luck!!!!! Don't sell your lathe....

 

[jsolie]

My daughter's wedding was just over a year and a half ago, so I know your pain. You can save a little bit on the guest book by making the pen. We still have reception decorations, table cloths and a bunch of those command hooks. Not sure what I'm going to do with a bunch of pickle jars with stuff glued to them, or a bunch of little buckets... SWMBO wants to keep them. :hypnotized:

 

[edman2]

lol. As a retired minister I have done many weddings. Weddings are not for the grooms! Weddings are marginally for the brides! Weddings are REALLY for the mother of the bride! Just nod and say "yes Dear," and you will get through it! This is also the reason I quit doing photography at weddings as a hobby! Some things are just not worth it!

 

[Cwalker935]

I think that I will survive my 1st snow bound day with a crazed wedding planner, I escaped to the garage for about 6 hours. I love my girls dearly even if I don't get it and they know that I'll be there for them despite all the grumpiness. I have tried to set budgets up front but really do not know what is reasonable. I am learning quickly.

 

[BSea]

3 rules for the Father of the Bride.

Shut Up

Show Up

Pay Up


Been there - Done that. I would have the T-Shirt, but I didn't have any money left. On the serious side, my wife had more problem with the money part. But she's a banker. I am glad I only have 1 daughter.

 

[chartle]

2 rules for mother of the groom

Wear beige and keep your mouth shut.