Did you know?

Signed-In Members Don't See This Ad

tommyd

Member
Joined
Jun 15, 2008
Messages
247
Location
murrieta, ca, USA.
Tools Explained:


1. DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.


2. WIRE WHEEL:Cleans rust off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh shat!'


3. SKILL SAW:A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short or electrical cords a shorter length. Name does not necessarily imply the intellect of the operator.

4. PLIERS:Used to round off bolt heads. Frequently used in the creation of blood-blisters.

5. BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing projects.

6. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

7. VISE-GRIPS:Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

8. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

9. TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

10. BAND SAW:A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut expensive exotic woods into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

11. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

12. STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER :A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

13. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

14. HAMMER : Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

15. UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; wo rks particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes or appendages, but only while in use.

16. SON-OF-A-BITCH TOOL: (A personal favorite!) Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a BITCH!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you need.
 
Signed-In Members Don't See This Ad

butchf18a

Member
Joined
Dec 3, 2010
Messages
503
Location
woodland, wa
measure twice, cut once implies that the two measurment operations be performed prior to the cutting procedure, not one on each side of the cutting.
 
Top Bottom